Thrive After Abuse

After experiencing the highs of love bombing, and the whirlwind romance that they thought was their soul mate only to be dropped to the lowest lows, many people are terrified to date again.

But there are major differences between love bombing and love. Love bombing starts off hot and heavy. It's constant communication and complements. It's rushing all forms of intimacy--sex, opening up about your life, moving in together (or talking about moving in together), talking about marriage--all within the first few months of dating a person.

Love is something that takes time to develop. It is based on dignity and respect. Love is kindness, caring, and consideration of the other person and their feelings.

Love is not a one-sided dynamic in which one person is dragged through hell and has to continually look the other way and try to "forgive" their partner of all their wrong doings in order to keep the relationship together. It does not envy, it does not boast. It does not abuse. It does not cheat, lie, or deceive. It does not demand trust or forgiveness when it is not earned.

Our love, like our compassion, is not complete if it does not include ourselves. Because while you may love them, you have to love yourself enough to walk away when someone is mistreating you.

From the full livestream October 19th 2016

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

We tend to mirror what we learn, and for many people who grow up in a dysfunctional (or troubled home) they've developed some healthy ways of "surviving" (or navigating) that environment--the slang term for this is "fleas." And while a person might have some "fleas" they can work towards getting rid of them (changing their behavior) if they are truly motivated to do so.

So if you are seeing some problematic behavior in yourself that makes you think you might be a narcissist you do have the power to work on it. And while this might be kinda scary, it is actually a great thing if you can actually see a problem with your behavior, because for most people (myself included) it can be really difficult to see our own problematic behavior because we are so close to it--we often have to experience enough pain in order for us to "wake up" and realize what we are doing isn't working. Growing up in unhealthy environments can make it hard but not impossible. Find some role models that have the kind of behavior you'd like to have and use their behavior initially as a guide to give you some ideas on alternative ways of behaving.

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

It's important that we all know ourselves well enough to know what are deal breakers for us--and what we consider workable behavior is, because treating deal breaker behavior like it's workable behavior is how (and one of the main reasons as to why) people stay in abusive relationships.  There is a difference between commitment and codependency. It's okay (and healthy) to not be dragged through hell by another person's behavior, and to get yourself to both a physical and emotional place where you can stay safe and sane. 

What are your deal breakers?  ...And what are your deal makers?

Do you have a question that you'd like my two cents on?  You can email me at: [email protected] 

 To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

This episode covers some thoughts I have about why people are willing to jump into whirlwind romances or dynamics with a narcissist or other type of emotional manipulator. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

Twitter @teamthriver

Codependency is one of those words and concepts that has continued to grow and change over time.  This episode covers some common definitions of codependency as well as my own take on it.

Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

The live streams happen every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST over on my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/thriveafterabuse and they run for about 2.5 hours.

 If you are looking for support, I have two support groups (both are free). The first one is on my website: www.thriveafterabuse.com/forum and the second one is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse (it is a closed group, but please make sure to read the group rules before you post so that you can change any privacy settings you may need to in order to stay safe). 

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

The term (and concept) of "codependency" is one of those terms that either offers a lot of clarity to people or it makes them feel revictimized.  My intentions are not to place blame, or to revictimize anyone, as what happened to you is not your fault.  Narcissists are highly skilled emotional manipulators, and anyone can be a target. So please, hold onto what helps and let the rest go.   

Many people are in codependent relationships and don't realize it.  One of the best ways I've heard a codependent relationship described is as a one-sided dynamic in which the codependent person continually feels like they have to sink themselves in order to help their partner to swim, all so the relationship can stay afloat. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

In this episode, I give a brief history of the origin of the term codependency, and how the term has grown over time.  ...Many people (myself included for a long time) really had issues with the label of "codependency."  I felt like it was victim blaming.  So if you feel this way too, please know that you aren't alone in that, and that you might find it more helpful to view the label of "codependency" as a pointer--because the label isn't as important as the behaviors that it's pointing to.  

It's these behaviors of caring, compassion, and "control" (trying to fix other people) that leave a person very out of alignment with themselves to where they are forever putting others first and themselves last.  This is highly problematic thinking and behaving, because you matter, and you deserve the dignity, respect, caring, and compassion that you give to others. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

In this episode, I cover the questions of, "Why is it that these types are so hard to let go of?" "Why can't I just move on?" "Why am I still trying to figure her out and find a solution?"

If you have a question for the show, please email me at [email protected] and I will do my best to answer it.

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

I have known this covert narcissist for the past six years. He love bombed me endlessly, made me feel like the most wonderful person on this earth, and I fell head over heels for him. I loved his good bits and I still do because they are really good. I moved an hour away from my home to be near him. Our secret relationship has been on and off a lot since then.

He described his wife as a cold housewife living a cloistered life with no interest or hobbies. He has one official Facebook profile and several fake ones (which I discovered on Facebook and dating sites) for supply when he gets bored. His wife has no idea. He just won't separate from her and she is fiercely holding onto this marriage, wanting the happy family image with the backing of their 24 year old daughter who is an overt narcissist herself.

His wife recently opened a Facebook profile and the narcissist has told me she's been asking about me to which he offered a fair amount of very convincing half truths. And now he's hoovering me yet again. The temptation is strong to speak to her in a down-to-earth way, but how should I do this?

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

In this episode, I'm asked about abuse, feeling revictimized, and what to do about it. 

Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

The live streams happen every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST over on my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/thriveafterabuse and they run for about 2.5 hours.

 If you are looking for support, I have two support groups (both are free). The first one is on my website: www.thriveafterabuse.com/forum and the second one is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse (it is a closed group, but please make sure to read the group rules before you post so that you can change any privacy settings you may need to in order to stay safe). 

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com