ThriveologyPodcast – Thriveology

How Unfinished Business Keeps You Stuck

It’s just human nature.  We like things

And when they’re not, they can often tug at us, pulling energy and focus away.  When things are left hanging, we feel (oh, by the way, the last word from that first line is “finished”) incomplete, unfinished, unsatisfied.

So, what is a “Loop?”  Great question.  This one concept, if you understand it, will help you get free.  If you feel stuck, this is something you need to understand.  More than that, this is one of the most. . .

Tell you what, I’ll let you listen and hear for yourself.

(And here are links to the earlier segments of this series:)

Getting Unstuck Series

As counter-intuitive as it sounds, if you are stuck, one of the first things to do is give up your goals.

Which may lead you to think that my idea of getting unstuck just means that you leave things the way they are.  Instead of being stuck, you might be stranded.

Nope.  That is NOT what I mean.  You see, I think that goals often cause us to be even more stuck.

Most of the time, people fail at the goals they set (look no further to the empty gyms in late January).  Not only that, but if someone achieves a goal, they often then slip away from the goal, falling back “below the line.”  And, by the way, the best you can do is get “to the line.”

Not very appealing, is it?

Not only that, but many goals we create are not even within our control.  If you have the goal to make the football team, a coach has to choose you.  Many might have that goal.  Lots get cut from the team.

Goals sounding worse?

But there is an alternative.  One that you CAN control, live into, and move into.  Let me tell you about it.

Series:

Getting Unstuck Series

Stuck.  We all feel it sometimes.  We can’t get ourselves in gear, out of our own way, moving in the right direction, or even moving at all.

There are some reasons we get stuck.  But I truly believe we are never quite as stuck as we feel.

When I feel stuck, it is sometimes helpful for me to remind myself of why I am not quite as stuck as I feel.  When I do that, I get a little momentum.

A little momentum is what I need to begin the process of getting unstuck.

And after you listen to the podcast, you will realize:  you have LOTS of momentum.  LOTS is changing. . . if you are looking.

Introduction To Getting Unstuck Series

Get Unstuck Series, Ep. 2

We all have those times when we feel stuck.  And we tend to get stuck for the same few reasons:

Sometimes, we stay anchored in the past, to the old stories and old scripts — and we don’t even realize it.

Other times, we carry around limiting beliefs about what is even possible.  We don’t tap into the possibilities and potentials, but fall into believing our own limited perspective.  We believe the self-imposed limits.

And still other times, we just don’t know what to do.  We stand at the fork(s) in the road, not sure which to choose.  So, we fail to choose.

And many times, fear keeps us stuck.  We fear the unknown, fear change, fear failure, and even fear success.

Let’s explore those reasons we get stuck, and begin to get un-stuck.

Grab a pencil and paper!  I have a little exercise for you to do!

PREVIOUS UNSTUCK:

New Series Introduction on How To Get Un-Stuck

During my career as a therapist, person after person came to figure out why they were stuck.  As I transitioned to coaching, I realized my focus was on how to get unstuck.

How we get stuck is merely a starting point.  The real task is how to get un-stuck and moving toward our aspirations.

When we are stuck, we can’t be thriving.  But the process of getting unstuck is also the process of thriving.

I believe that we all have the capacity of being un-stuck, regardless of circumstances and situations.

How you are stuck is similar for all of us.  What you do when you are un-stuck, that can vary greatly.  But the process of getting unstuck is the same.

Today, listen in as I tell you how Bill got stuck.

If this strikes a cord in you, please share this episode with the social sharing buttons below, and consider giving a review of the podcast in iTunes or in Stitcher.

Let’s thrive!

We all often seek comfort.

But is the comfort we find killing us?

Is the comfort, perhaps more subtly, holding us back?

Here is the problem:  we find something comfortable, something “better,” something bigger.  Then, instead of bigger, better, more comfortable, it just becomes the routine.

[tweetthis]Habituation is a bitch! – Lee Baucom[/tweetthis]

Habituation is the process by which anything becomes the normal.  Buy your dream home/car/watch/whatever.  Quickly, it is “just” a home/car/watch/whatever.  The dream disappears.

Or go the other way:  lose a job, have to downsize.  At first, it hurts.  Then, it becomes a new normal.  You “habituate,” either way.

The problem is, our insatiable move toward comfort becomes more and more limiting:  “I’ll only fly first class,” “I have simple tastes:  only the best,” etc., etc.

Food gets richer, exercise has to be “comfortable,” and we find ourselves unable to tolerate discomfort.

Here is the problem:  every life has discomfort and struggle.  When we are always looking only for comfort, we tend to avoid the discomfort.  And over time, we become uncomfortable about any discomfort.

But what if we could be more comfortable with discomfort?  What if we could take on some small discomforts as inoculation against big discomfort?

Listen below and see how that might help, and how to do it.

It is an interesting human characteristic that we spend lots of energy trying to rework and change the past — at the same time, we fail to believe we can change our future!

A belief that the future is unchangeable (and actions/inactions that often reveal this hidden belief) is called fatalism.  It is a belief that fate is set.  The ancient Greeks and Romans believed in the Fates, three women who created the thread of life for each person, measured it out, then cut it, when it was time to die.  No beating the fates.

Que sera sera.  

“Whatever will be, will be.”

I think I much prefer (please excuse my attempt at translation),  Que fuera era. Whatever was, was.  That might be “reverse fatalism.”  The past has happened and can’t be changed.  But we do have some choice about how the future plays out.

We don’t have FULL control of our futures.  But we have much more than we often like to claim.  And that might be the better focus:  changing what we CAN change, what we CAN control.

The past is NOT part of what we can change.  The future (starting in the present) holds much more potential.

Join me as I explore this “Reverse Fatalism.”

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Let’s just say it and get it out of the way.  You, I, and everyone else, is going to die.  An inescapable fact of life.  We will die.

A morbid thought?  I don’t think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought.

Reality.

It brings things into focus.

Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer.  He was focused, determined.  His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination.  He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest.  He spent his time working on projects dear to him.  He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt.  He was letting his loved ones know they were loved.

His imminent death gave him focus.

One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, “What about YOUR death?”

“What?,” I asked.  I wasn’t the one dying, after all.

Then he said, “YOU are going to die, too.  Maybe after me, maybe before me.  But you will die, too.  Don’t wait.  There may be no waiting.”

Death has a way of rearranging your priorities.

Listen to this week’s podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.

Control.  We all want it.  We strive for it, wrestle for it, grab for it. . . and end up trying to control the wrong things.

Human nature.  We try to control the things we can’t control, and abdicate control over the things we should control.

When we try to control people, events, and things external to us, we are headed for frustration and failure.

When we seek to control things within ourselves, we discover resolve and build a thriving life.

And yet, we generally seek to control those external things.  That happens out of fear.

At the same time, we fail to control those internal things within us.  That happens out of blame (and fear).

Time to solve the Control Paradox!  (Listen below for how to solve it.  And hey, if you find it useful, could you SHARE so that others can find it?)

All the way back to the first century, one philosopher suggested 2 simple words to guide a thriving life (he didn’t really call it a thriving life, but that was what he described).  Those 2 words are still crucial for building a thriving life.  And they are 2 words that you can easily practice and build.

Think of each word as representing a muscle.  The more you practice, the stronger it gets.  More than that, think of these 2 words as coordinating muscles.  Kind of like the muscles you use to push and the muscles you use to pull.

In fact, one word is all about pulling something toward you, and the other is all about pushing something(s) away from you.

That first century philosopher?  Epictetus.  The 2 words?  To quote Epictetus, “persist and resist.”  Keep moving through the hardships to get where you want to be (persist) and keep resisting the pleasures that pull you off your path (resist).

Learn how to apply those two words in your own thriving life in this week’s podcast.