Okay, last week was all about checklists. This week was about TESTS. And all the ways these people are apparently continually testing one another. A lot of these tests seem like set-ups to fail, but that's just our opinion. Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 10 brought us dramarama and last week's power rankings first place couple to plummet to the bottom! Jose has been so busy testing his wife against his perfect wife ranking system he didn't realize he completely failed the RED FLAG ASSHOLE ALERT test!! Or he passed, depending on how you look at it. Jose refuses to own up to the fact that his behavior was outrageous, and Zack feels like an f-boy at this point with an absolute inability to own his part in his own relationship. Will Brett be able to come back from hearing that she doesn't give Ryan butterflies? Where is the footage of the tantric sex teacher's ballsac? Why did the producers decide we needed to watch Bao and Johnny's ENTIRE sex game activity? All of these things and more on today's ep! 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 9 was BURSTING w/ information!! These couples are starting to get into their pasts with each other and talk about the L word. We're hearing a LOT of mentions of "sparks" and "checklists" coming from the cast members with penises, and it's getting a little exhausting. Maybe instead of playing Judge Judy these guys can put in a little bit of effort and dive in? Let's be honest, everyone should be striving to be #Gil. We felt like we were on a rollercoaster ride with *most* of these couples and Britt gets especially heated this week. :D Let's get into it.

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 11 episode 17 brought us Erika's new story of the century, Kathy speaking in dog howl language and explaining her version of the third eye, Mauricio's stoned laugh, and a whole buncha' Dorit's bullshit. People are playing like they're on Erika's side but are PK & Mauricio saying what they're all REALLY thinking? Garcelle feels like no one is on her side and Dorit argues this by explicitly not being on her side? Is anyone on the side of Erika's interesting dangle hair extension ponytail? Let's discuss.

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Wowowow Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 11 episode 16 hit us with sooo much shade we might have been cringing. How many uncomfortable conversations and confrons can we be expected to digest in one hour?! The Dinner Party from Hell continues and Erika *promises* to sue/come for Sutton. Not a good look, Erika. Someone please try and defend her behavior at this point, we dare you. Rinna is out of her mind and bragging for eating a bite of cod, Dorit needs to remind us that she is multicultural and thus a spicy food savant, and Garcelle is throwing shade with a classy smile at every chance she gets. And don't worry, we get more than one Sutton-Storm-Off. We didn't realize until after that Tim's mic was not working, so bare with us on the sound. #selfproducing

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 8 brings us more real life integration for these couples with friend meetups, family facetimes, and housewarming gatherings. Johnny takes us on a damn rollercoaster this episode, and we start wondering if his 8 years of singledom might have more to do with him "not eating papaya" than anything else! Zack can't stop ruminating on Michaela's rash reactions and appears to have totally closed the door on possibilities for them as a couple. Gil is Gossip Girl XOXO which we MOSTLY love, but he's got to cool it on the money jabs at Myrla considering we now know the truth of their bank accounts. We're honestly speechless at the fact that Jose brought his budget performance whiteboard to the apartment, and we're worried about how many mental notes Rachel might be taking. Last but not least, Brett & Ryan are warming our hearts with each passing day which continues to... surprise us! ALL OF THIS & more on this week's recap.

Housekeeping: Are you subscribed yet? Have you left us a star/written review? Have you shared it with your MAFS buddy yet? If not, now is the time! :)

Instagram/Tikok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Better late than never! Thanks for patience with our lil release delay, all of the things that could inhibit a pod from being made this past week, happened :D. But we are back and we are not sparing a single opinion because it's MOVE IN/Lifetime's Cribs week! Johnny chooses not to stay with Bao on night 1 and suddenly our hope for these two has plummeted. Michaela & Zach reunite with explosions... and not the romantic kind, almost right away. Brett discovers Ryan has a taxidermy deer as the sole decor in his master bedroom, Myrla has a photo collage of herself in her closet, and Jose has a nonsensical whiteboard budget on display that appears to be his proudest achievement. Are whiteboards a big thing specifically in Houston? Is Johnny being fair to Bao with his criticism of her? Will Zack & Michaela recover from their first big fight? All of this and more, with a little sound issues to boot ;) Get to listening! xo

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

We are stunned by the gift that was Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 11 episode 15, Dinner Party From Hell II. The Dinner Party from Hell II did not disappoint: we got grand entrances, $1000 Baccarat candle holders (we toootally know what Baccarat is can't you tell?), we got multiple butlers, a caviar pie, and a full blown snarl from The Mob Boss Herself - Erika. If you're to be a supportive friend to Erika, you can never have a question apparently, so we have a feeling everyone is gonna be in the dog house with her by the reunion. Rinna gets drunk and rings the service bell as she tries to avoid all conflict, and Kathy shuts down Dorit in a millisecond in a way that felt very pleasing. All of this and more, join us! ;) 

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song - Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S.11 e.14 brought us more shade and more drams, this time driven by DOR IT. Oh Dorit, thank you for reminding us why we don't miss you talking center stage. God forbid she take a lil responsibility or feedback, she is the Queen of Rambling-People-to-Exhaustion, and Garcelle isn't gonna mince words about it! A bug flew into Rinna's glossy lip, Erika ordered a "No Apologies" cocktail, and Kathy somehow missed Garcelle saying "Fuck you" to everyone at the table. Let's Tawk.

Instagram/Tiktok: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 6 gave us plenty to pontificate about. Is Jose being honest about his attraction to Rachel, or is there something else going on here? Will Johnny stop catastrophizing about the smallest disagreements, or will he divorce Bao for not showering 3x a day? Will Ryan and Brett start having the hard conversations, and will they last once they do? Do Gil & Myrla have even 1% chance of working out in the end? LET'S TAWK ABOUT IT. 

P.S. #releasethetapes.

WHAT.AN.EPISODE. Watching most of the Housewives fully back pedal and squirm in real time was a sight to behold. Erika continues to play the role of Supreme Victim in the Tom Girardie scandal, even though she's simultaneously protecting Tom in the name of mental decline. Her stories aren't making sense. Garcelle is our MVP of the week for reminding Erika that there were *real* victims in this story, and Tim is a self-professed Slutton. There is so much to unpack from this dinner we can hardly wait to find out what you think! 

Tiktok/Instagram: @tildeathdousrecap

Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress