Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 5 DID NOT DISAPPOINT. We get deep into the honeymoon vibes, first real dates, and lots of intimacy talks. Will Bao's hot and cold nature be too much for Johnny, or will the snoring predicament be their demise? Is Myrla capable of not complaining for an hour straight? Jose shocks us all by being the knight in shining armor of the episode, even if he does still make us cringe with his fashion choices and insistence on HAND FEEDING his wife all meals. Ryan is still just giving us potatoe-with-a-penis vibes, but we're holding out hope because Brett still has sparkly eyes. We made ourselves laugh a lot in this episode, so we hope you do too!

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Intro Song - Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

This week RHOBH Season 11 episode 12 is serving us more of the Erika Jayne Saga, and more difficult conversations on race and white privilege. Not a lot to laugh about - that's for sure. Erika and her actions are a giant onion that we never seem to get to the core of. Maybe she wasn't actually mad at Garcelle, but about the fact that the LA Times was going to release a reeeeeally long form article about her the next day? So long in fact, that the women are distressed by how they will possibly glean the necessary information when there are so many words to read! Never fear, Sutton to the rescue. All of this and more, join us as we recap the insanity! 

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Intro Song- Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Married at First Sight Season 13 episode 4 was a transitional one, but gave us plenty to observe just the same! Johnny and Bao are moving in a great direction but maybe he should chill out on mentioning anal on day 2? Jose definitely asked Rachel if he could brush her teeth, and she definitely made a disturbed mental note about that request. As did we. Brittany is cringing. Myrla is veeeery comfortable complaining every other minute, and we're wondering if Gil is strong enough to play nice for much longer. We absolutely 100% do not know how to read Ryan, but we know he keeps putting his foot in his mouth at the very least. Bless Brett and her beautiful red hair for staying open. Mom might not be sure about Zack and Michaela, but Michaela seems pretty sure about Zack and Michaela, so much so it appears the marriage has been consummated! All of this and much much more, join us as we dissect and laugh together. 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Folks. We're just as confused by Erika Jayne and her strategy as we were 2 weeks ago. WHEN WILL THINGS START MAKING SENSE? Is Tom a cold calculated monster, or a decrepit crumble of a man with dementia? Is Erika finding it all out with everyone else, or is she just covering for legal reasons? Will anyone ever get mad at Kathy for not participating in 60% of housewives activities? Who can say! We speculate, we investigate, and we laugh. Join us.

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Okay, we've got a lot to cover, friends! We cover MAFS Season 13 episode 2 AND 3 in this week's pod, and we're knockin out the rest of the weddings! Myrla - are you a nightmare, or do you just know how to get what you need? Gil, was that really the best way to broach the last name conversation? Jose loses his over-confidence over the course of 3 seconds, and Rachel might have a case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. If Ryan says "She's not my usual type but 'it works' one more time we might die from cringe, and maybe Johnny shouldn't talk about being married to Bao as "an adjustment." Needless to say, we might have some serious communication/delivery problems on the horizon. We STAN Michaela and Zack - his tears of joy, her warmth and hilarity, we're truly wondering how we end up in that gnarly fight we got teased with in the upcoming season preview. Let's get into ALL OF THIS & MORE while we slowly melt into a delirium in our hot closet. 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Married at First Sight is back on Lifetime with Season 13 in Houston, Texas! Season 12's ending and all that's occurred since had left us a little weary and cynical. ALAS - this new cast of characters has lifted our hopes! Let's talk about first impressions from all of the couples, and squeal about the first wedding that may or may not have left Britt misty-eyed. 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home- Pet Dress

Okay, not a lot "happened" per se however, we had quite the information download and have plenty to say about it. What are your thoughts on Erika's entrance? Her Oscar (or Razzie depending on your thoughts) winning entrance? Her explanation of this car crash that makes zero sense? Is Erika the clueless trophy wife or the conniving financial partner in crime? Is Tom a bumbling old man with dementia or a shrewd, heartless lawyer ready to ruin Erika's life? IT'S A LOT to consider. We also got to witness the housewives doing a full moon ritual, Kathy play rock hard bread like an instrument, and Rinna saying @champagnepapi. Listen to Britt & Tim get a little heated over their thoughts and disagreements! 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

The completion of Rinna's Positano garden party does NOT disappoint. We have more huddling around and coddling of Sutton, more of the word "violation", and some truly "AWKWARD INAPPROPRIATE" moments. From there, we try our hand again at amateur investigating, body language reading, and general wild conjecture over the Erika Jayne of it all. Is Tom a big scary powerful man, or a melting decrepit man without his faculties? Did Erika forget her waterproof mascara on accident, or on purpose? Does Erika think she's the only victim of this situation? Cause some widows and orphans might beg to differ... Okay, this all sounds really harsh, but we really are still quite stumped. Join us in processing all of this together!

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home - Pet Dress

Wowowow. The Housewives gods shined their love and light upon us with this week's RHOBH episode. Erika's healing/legal strategy appears to be fully in motion. Is she an oscar winning actress or truly a bird that has been turned free? Do you buy that she's doing her own laundry and dishes? Does she know that a $10,000 a month rent does not a poor person make? We have much more questions than answers, but damn it's fun to speculate. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you view it), Sutton can not seem to let the word 'violation' or her hatred for Crystal go, and she takes over Rinna's Positano Paradise event with her paranoid spiral downward. We are on a see-saw friends, and this week, we find ourselves Team Crystal. 

There is so much to process, so do it with us. 

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Intro Song: Don't Go Home- Pet Dress

Thomasina & Crystal are at it again and we are getting tired! Crystal isn't backing down and it's getting ridiculous; how many definitions of "violation" do we have to endure before she just accepts that common sense reigns supreme in this situation? How many zeros does Erika expect in a man's bank account before she deems him worthy? Cause Lord knows she won't be impressed if he snacks on peasant snacks like pop chips. This week brought us a lot of fluff but Britt & Tim still have plenty to say. 

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Intro Song- Don't Go Home - Pet Dress