Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine

The TVTM loves you, baby. Yes, as a matter of fact, it does. We show that love by giving you a better product, a glossier, more brilliantly sheen-filled and lucid piece of aural entertainment. We increase our game because someone told us that they took our last podcast for a long car drive and made the drive even longer. Hurt, tearful, weepy-hearted but determined, we put our best effort into this one. Well, "best effort." Question Boy (Chronicle political writer Joe Garofoli) channeled Walter Cronkite (and Putin and wonderfully, Existential French Woman) while Adjustin (Justin Beck, producer to the stars) even looked up not one but two area codes (though he also shook off the idea that I should podcast from Los Angeles next week and the week after while I'm down covering the Death March With Cocktails). This 'cast starts with a song (PPage strikes again) and ends with a slam at a boring state (one of 50 you'll just have to guess), then an apology and then some laughs. We find two "lost" e-mails. There's a lot of Walton, who doesn't apologize, there are calls from everywhere, an MP3 about David Brinkley and we begin the arrangements to have a drink with Andrea from Connecticut, (calling from the car again) continuing our promise to buy drinks for any listener outside the Bay Area who stops in San Francisco. We're going to answer all of Andrea's TV questions with care and precision so that she's completely stunned but happy. She'll return to the East Coast and spread the truth I really do know things. Jealous yet? Book your flight! All told, a small slice of awesomeness. "If you're going to listen to just one long and uninformative and pointless podcast this summer, listen to this one." It will indeed be our last podcast for a bit. I'm heading to Los Angeles on Sunday, not back until Aug. 10, where we've tentatively scheduled another one. By then, you'll miss us so much you'll be sending us letters of apology for ever slagging us, either in public or in your private thoughts. We forgive you in advance.

Dying to know the colors of the DVD packaging from the various television networks? Tim "Oh Great One" Goodman has the inside scoop. Can't wait to find out all about Tim's work schedule over the next several weeks? Tim reveals all! And what about Joe "Question Boy" Garofoli's tongue-twister skills? He will demonstrate! Yep, it's another content-free TVTM podcast. But it has a new theme.

It's the "Thursday" 'cast, which means no TV-related news. We do, however, have Benny/Manny/Knobby/Chocoknobs again as a Very Special Guest, as well as several phone calls from our Very Special Listeners, and Dave/707 sends in a hilarious public service announcement that was so good it deserves to be heard twice. More, please!

Tim Goodman's staycation is over, and the TVTM returns with a Very Special Podcast and Benny/Manny/Knobby/Chocoknobs as a Very Special Guest. In TV-related news, Tim has a few words to say about "Hung" and "Nurse Jackie." We also talk about all the recent celebrity deaths, Walter Cronkite and Wilco. Porno Putin makes an appearance.

The one that goes sideways, corrects itself, then bursts into flames. We've got nothing.

No TV-related news on the Thursday 'cast, due to the lack of air in the podcave.

Tim "Oh Great One" Goodman, Joe "Question Boy" Garofoli and Justin "Don't Call Me Jason" Beck return after a brief hiatus, bringing with them a near-total lack of news and information about television. What you do get in today's installment: an anecdote about an uptight fan at a recent Decemberists show, plenty of Jay Leno mockery, and a brand-new character: Therapist Walton.

Lots of letters. A smattering of calls. A bit of news. A TON of stupidity. You get Porno Harry Caray and a podcast that's constantly being interrupted by Question Boy's buzzing balls. We got the balance right again.

Hey, we made it. Sunny day real estate! Less fires to put out on the 2nd floor. Whee. OK, so like it or not, Question Boy (Joe Garofoli, Chronicle politics writer), Adjustin' (Justin Beck), Manny (Benny Evangelista) and Your Cultural Commissar, all survived and we'll continue to put out as much aural rambling and pointlessness as anyone could stand. In the TV-related news segment of today's podcast, Tim vaguely mentions something about the networks' plan for the fall season. In the non-TV-related news segment of today's podcast, Tim specifically points out that his balls hurt. Yea for us. Beware to you. "Brutal."

First he dumps us via e-mail and now he guest hosts two podcasts in a row? Oh, Benny (aka Manny aka Knobby aka Chocoknobs), why must you tease us like this? Other noteworthy moments in an otherwise noteworthyless podcast: Andrew from Ireland calls in and performs Irish Walton and Irish Taldar; French Walton also makes an appearance. And if you're looking for TV-related news, you've tuned in to the wrong podcast.