Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine

Just to make things clear, I wasn't aware that Manny was going to "man the knobs" so quickly and, yes, the podcast starts out talking about burping. Our grand intro -- ruined. But Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) plays Ed McMahon. And we do a bunch of stupid voices -- undaunted by last week's miserable impersonations. Including: My really bad version of Charley from "Maisy." I promise to go back to "Maisy" and get it right for next week. We also talk kids shows (Dora: loud; non-animated kids: precocious). Some anger. Groundhog Day fashion statement? Sensing the advent of spring, one of us trots out a leaner bod and a tighter robe. Need more? Bong hits. New neighborhood slang ("the Moan"). A salute to "Mister Rogers." Women who swear: "Hot." The phrase "It's almost like we planned this." Plus: We did plan one thing. And it went sideways. Also: Bleeps, and lots o' them. Lastly: The return of "hind quarters/hind parts."

We took a couple of weeks off but now we're back, more stupid than ever. But let's face it -- Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) was way off his game in this one. His impersonations were all messed up. Banjo? Awful. Bill Walton -- worse than mine, even. Al Gore? Lame. On and on it went. On the plus side, it was perhaps his finest moment ever reading the e-mail questions. As for Manny (Benny Evangelista), he was asleep at the knobs. If it wasn't for the great calls and e-mail, this would just be our normal offering of warmed-up lameness. But as it turns out, hell, this one ended up being informative and entertaining. Kind of like "edutainment."

After feigning politeness for much of Part 1 with Jennifer Gomez (aka Jengo) as Question Girl, the true colors of Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) come to the surface. Lots of questions, lots of anger, a couple of answers. Way better than we usually do.

Question Girl No. 2 joins the TVTM podcast. We decide not to be so lame. We may have failed. Actually, "first runner up" Jennifer Gomez (aka Jengo) helped fuel a surprisingly upbeat, informative and far-reaching two-part TV Talk Machine podcast. We raised our game in honor of her in-Pod Cave appearance. We have Part 1 today, Part 2, tomorrow and then -- because we have pledged to you our word to be as unprepared and lame as always -- we hope to return, a week later, to rambling nonsense about "untended gardens," "hind parts," "cougars" and bong hits. Have a listen.

After a long winter holiday break, I have regrouped with Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and extended the contract of Benny Evangelista to "man the knobs" as we go forward with the most popular, least professional and most dangerously stupid podcast in San Francisco Chronicle history. The TVTM plods on, even when it's (cough!) blocked by Question Boy's inability to read the questions right, or, for that matter, to have many coherent questions that don't have a lot of late 2007 dust on them. Undaunted, we did the podcast anyway and even, for the first portion, tried to professionally discuss the WGA strike and its impact on television -- particularly late night -- and elements of our favorite series in the entire world, "The Wire." Then we did some more Bill Walton-as-Santa patter. For the first time in 33 TVTM podcasts, I did not have the shorty robe on, though Joe did. Manny was sick, so he wore a long robe and was put in Pod Cave isolation so not to cough on us. Next week, it's the debut of our second Question Girl! Jennifer Gomez will be in the Pod Cave! That's a first. We have vowed to light some scented candles or something. And for those of you who never, ever, listen to the TVTM podcast, just remember that we often read your e-mail questions on the air. So while you're at home wondering why I haven't returned your e-mail, our loyal fans in Canada and New York and Sweden and Iowa, etc., have all heard the answer. Come listen and play. Don't (cough!) block our joy at producing podcasts that make our lives more meaningful!

Yes, Virginia, there is a podcast. And a bunch of other pointless stuff. Well not a "bunch" per se. I've got some random bits of info, sure. But mostly I'm throwing this up there to let you know that I recorded a podcast with Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and Manny/Knobby (Benny Evangelista). After a long layoff, we were all a bit rusty. But the shorty robes were seasonal and festive. And short. That's all that really matters. If you're hungry for a morsel of stupidity from this podcast, I will tell you: I forgot what my other blog was called, initially. I think I called it TVTG. I corrected this, with the help of Question Boy, by pimping it about 1,249 times. But I want to make clear that when I forgot the title of my own personal blog, I had not been using the bong. I swear. No bongs were involved in the forgetting of my own second blog.

I talked with Michael C. Hall, star of "Dexter," on Monday and here it is as part of my latest TV Talk Machine podcast. Ah, talking with the stars. Never an actual interest of mine. But as I noted previously, the whole idea of the TV Talk Machine podcast was to talk with people I actually liked, who were doing great work, and having that as archive material for years. More and more people are being offered up. Podcasting is becoming more acceptable as it becomes more accessible, I suppose. I have a short list that now must be expanded. But my question is -- who are you interested in hearing? Granted, it has to be someone I like. So you'll have to intuit my likes and dislikes before compiling a list that works. But it can't hurt to ask. You ask, then I'll ask. And we'll see what happens. As you know, a big factor will be my wavering interest level. But now that I'm really tiring of the blog life, this may be a workable sub. Anyway, here's "Dexter," everybody's favorite serial killer (and former gay funeral home director on "Six Feet Under").

You can hear the dulcet tones of Mandy again! We continue to dominate all of America, Canada and the rest of the world by taking calls from around the globe, including "near Oakland" and our first from Harlem. Or was it Brooklyn? Hell, I couldn't even get Mandy's whereabouts in Oregon correct. But we rallied, as usual, and we hope that TVTM will entertain you. It remains free. And we remain unpaid.

Well, it took some time -- alright, a long time -- but Amandapants our winner in the long forgotten Question Girl battle royale -- finally makes an appearance on the TV Talk Machine podcast. Mandy Murphy survived all of our jibes and jokes and lies and slander to appear with us. And she even had a great time. Such a great time, mind you, that we've split the podcast into two parts. Yep, you add someone in the booth, even figuratively, and the bloated rambling just gets more windy and lengthy. So, here's Part 1 of Amandapants as Question Girl.In this first installment, Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) takes the high road (he got a nose bleed from being so unfamiliar with the heights) and barely feuds with Question Girl. In fact, they bond. It's nauseating. On the other hand, Benny-Bernie-Manny is, as usual, "manning the knobs" and we discover that he "forgot" a couple of calls (that we know of) to the TVTM, so we resurrect them as "classics." Strangely enough, they are still relevant. There is some strike talk here. There is the requisite bong-hit special effect. There is mockery of me, QB and Benny. (And Benny, in honor of Question Girl, dons a silk shorty robe to show proper respect.) Mandy brilliantly reads many e-mailed questions.

Well, we were just hoping to kick back and do Bill Walton impressions and talk about shorty robes in this one -- plus mock the fact that our new Question Girl is AWOL. But, as they usually do, things went sideways. First, we had too many questions -- both e-mail and by phone. It's actually becoming work now, this podcast...And we had to fess up that Amandapants, our Question Girl winner, isn't 100 percent at fault for what is now "Question Girl Is Missing: Week Three." Turns out she was available a couple of Mondays ago but I was interviewing people for the podcast. Then I just forgot to send her questions or even get back in touch with her. Then Monday came and, well, the TVTM must go on. Our only recourse was to make fun of her. And, thankfully, so did her own extended family, via e-mail. A lot of other things happened as well. For instance, Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) took a real beating. I know, he normally does, but this time it was relentless (until a caller -- a cougar is the best guess -- called in and said she really, really liked him). We had a tech question, which required Benny, er, Manny, er, Bernie, to stop "manning the knobs" and help out. And then catastrophe struck. Question Boy got in a coughing fit and toppled over, revealing something quite distressing beneath his shorty robe: A lack of proper gardening. Once again, we go to great lengths to please the masses.