Today I Learned (Nothing)

Steve nearly dies at the hands of a freak-gawking driver, bringing to mind his thoughts of ... himself. Jason fondly remembers his childhood putdowns, and comes up with some inventive new ones.

This Stevetember, an alarming number of tornadoes and storms are coming, but Weather Safety Jason has your First Alert Action alert! Also, we've forecasted a new phone on the horizon, which has brought back one of our favorite characters: the Tech A**hole! Marvel at his ability to get what he wants, when he wants, and tremble in fear as he hopes to turn you to his dark ways next!

It's an episode dedicated to that bovine-produced delicacy: cheese! What cheese does the Shinney household favor (hint: aim low)? Why are they so afraid of the sharp cheddar? What variety was Jason's childhood favorite (again, aim low)? And what is the most important aspect of a grilled cheese sandwich to consider? Get over your lactose intolerance and learn these answers and more!

Steve's son has touched SO many butts (but has also touched zero butts). Do YOU understand math? Well, DO YOU? Then stop judging and get to bragging!

Steve has forgotten the things he never knew were forgotten in the first place, including keeping his underwear straight. Jason pinned something there and he has no idea where it went. It's a miracle this podcast got posted, honestly.

Ever been to firefighter prom? Or any prom, period? Did you enjoy it? Well Jason didn't, and Steve and his many high school friends can't understand why. He also accidentally made Luau Wednesdays a thing while Jason stayed quiet in his studies, spawning many rumors about his ... lonely habits.

When in need of a conversation starter, might we suggest Bing, where you can find things like a family being harassed by a persnickety lizard? Once the guys are off the on-ramp, it's time to talk about dick pics! Who wants them? Who needs them? Should you show them off? The discussion offers no guidance but does give both guys some footing on this relatively new topic. (Also, the answer is always no one, pervert.)

Steve thinks living near bears is advantageous to his children learning safety about the fearsome beast, plus, it would just be cool. Jason builds things with allen wrenches and he's damn proud of it. Together, the guys agree that swans and geese are just the worst.

Something is eating away at Jason's studio chair. Steve suspects Gremlins. Jason investigates. Also, shoes and chairs stand as primary examples of items you should always buy in person. Finally, is Steve's wife a ghost? We file our report.

Jason always got out of trouble thanks to his bigshot dad in their hometown. Steve doesn't recognize his crimes and got into a bit of TP-ing trouble of his own. Together, the guys are just happy to be alive.