Today I Learned (Nothing)

Steve does it for the Gram and sees no problem with that. Jason sucks at taking pictures and his wife will make sure you know it before he can ruin your precious moments. Together, both guys adore the familial cowboys and prostitutes of old west family photography.

Jason's daughter loves to stall at bedtime with a good old-fashioned stumper, but this one takes the cake, and Steve just wants to hang out with the rabbits that want nothing to do with him. And finally, what do you think a private party would be to a child?

If you want to learn a new skill, DO IT. Don't let Jason, who can only play guitar with his mouth and gave up on piano lessons after a few weeks or Steve, who hasn't played since his days in the Outback and even then could only rock out one Garth Brooks ballad, convince you otherwise.

After talking about fun games to play with your family ('s bodies in quarantine), Jason talks about showing inappropriate movies at the Walmart electronics section and relays the horrors he saw working as a janitor in a doctor's office.

Steve's family has fun with the "F" word (yes, that one) and Jason dulled his artistic abilities to make Pictionary more fun. Finally, the guys talk about, then spoil, The Da Vinci Code in this, the year 2020.

Jason is worried that his daughter isn't learning responsibility but Steve is concerned that Jason is a terrible father in the first place (serving lemonade at breakfast, the cad!). Steve's mother-in-law invites her jug band to wake up the family at 4 AM (in Jason's mind). Finally, get off your butt, stretch your quads, and KIP UP, you loser.

Steve recalls second-hand sign-stealing events he definitely wasn't a part of, back when trucks were made of nothin' but ... TRUCK. He also implores Jason to get napalmic on the wasps terrorizing him as a youth while retrieving the mail. Finally, we must all stand in awe of Steve's dad, who once took out a fly while it was still in the air. Truly awe-inspiring.

Steve, a self-proclaimed master mover, nearly crushed his friend's head with a washing machine, which Steve got mad about when the friend appeared to be injured for several seconds. Jason's best friend has turned bleeding during moving into a pastime, and a very uncomfortable one at that. 

Steve's pranking prowess was constantly held back by the dumb friend. Jason argues that he might have been the dumb friend all along. Also, Gwar is both cool and weird. Finally, trust kids when they give you a new name they want to be called, and have all the fun in the world sticking to that brand of weirdness.

Jason is ... allergic (?) to something in certain ... kinds of ... meat? Maybe? But he's a MAN, so don't question him. And Steve guarantees he's the fun parent, and he's ALSO a man, so don't question him either, okay? Shout-out to all the daddies out there, lying to keep their status in the family.