Today I Learned (Nothing)

Does the most popular type of pepper look more like a bell or a (couple of) butt(s)? Do you use all the spices in YOUR arsenal? And don't the Oreo folks need to just calm the heck down with all the different versions?

Surprising no one but Jason, the only disappointment Jason has faced in the COVID-19 pandemic is thanks to Taco Bell. Meanwhile, Steve thinks the people of Seattle are just using the virus as an excuse to be mean to each other. Also, have teens in YOUR area been licking mailboxes? The guys file their report.

It's the all-porn episode, and it contains not a single ounce of the filthy stuff! But doesn't the word "whores" sound filthy, no matter how you say it? And Jason wants to meet at least one diehard porn fan to see what they're really like. Steve just wants you to stop using your kids and pets as avatars.

Practice some social distancing with this episode all about ... THE VIRUS! Steve's been following it long before it was cool, and Jason can't figure out why it makes his wife wanna buy so much danged peanut butter. After the guys move on from current events, they finally nail down which Looney Tune was the worst person.

Jason is thrilled that his 2nd grader told him a dirty joke, even if she didn't know any better and it made no sense. Steve assumes that secretions are happening, just, all the time, and it's time to change the sheets. But really, the guys are both just hoping for some quality naked time. Separately. Apart. Not together.

Steve's dyslexia earns him a new, lame nickname, the guys lament the fact that Cheetohs could mean any podcast is their last one, and Jason wants to replace those cheesy slideshows at funeral homes with a playlist of his "best" podcast moments. All that, plus Steve's baller grandmother living well and wealthy past her death day!

This episode is basically a BuzzFeed quiz about The Flintstones! Who's more likely to display a mental disability: Fred or Barney? Who's hotter: Wilma or Betty? Did the Flintstones go to church? Why didn't the dinosaurs rise up from their appliance-based existence and eat the cave men and women? The guys answer all these questions and Jason makes us uncomfortable about our favorite cave folk from Bedrock!

Steve is rash and hasty with his hypothetical questions, but Jason humors him and reveals some scandalous opinions about mermaids in the process. Also, are bus marshals a thing? And since the ones on airplanes are called air marshals, would bus ones be land marshals? The guys file their report.

It's February, so love is in the air! Steve fondly remembers his potato and pun-fueled proposals as a young boy coming of age in Idaho while Jason recalls when he learned what the word "statutory" means.

Steve threatens a good fingering for his whole work group, while both he and Jason agree that the NSFW tag exists for a reason. Also, just what's going through Jason's brain in most moments of the day? Nothing good, we assure you!