Today I watched This is the End directed by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen and starring James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen and many others. I give it 5/5 bottles of water. Go see it. Now.

Today I watched Lost City Raiders directed by Jean de Segonzac and starring  James Brolin, Ian Somerhalder, and Bettina Zimmermann, I give it 4/5 pilot lights. Listen to the episode to find out why! Also, I’m really glad they didn’t call this movie “The Rising.” They very well could have.

Today I watched Red Dawn (1984) starring  Patrick Swayze and directed by John Milius and Red Dawn (2012) starring Chris Hemsworth and directed by Dan Bradley. I give the original version 4/5 Wolverines, and the remake 3/5 Wolverines. I enjoyed both but the original did a couple more things better, so I can’t give them the same rating!

Today I watched Birdemic 2 the Resurrection directed by James Nguyen and starring  Whitney Moore, Alan Bagh, and Carrie Stevens. I won’t give it a rating because… well, let’s not get into it. If you enjoyed Birdemic: Shock and Terror then by all means go and buy this faithful sequel over at chill.com immediately.

Today I watched The Factory directed by Morgan O’Neill and starring  John Cusack, Dallas Roberts, and Vincent Messina. I give it 2/5 snowy roads. I really liked most of it but that ending. It’s a doozy. Check it out if you like murder mysteries and/or Dexter (the Showtime series, not some guy you know named Dexter.)

Today I watched The Campaign directed by Jay Roach and starring Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, and Jason Sudeikis. I give it 5/5 pugs. Simply hilarious.

Today I watched The Amazing Spider-Man directed by Marc Webb  and starring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. I give it 3/5 construction cranes. I liked the actors but the story, not so much. If we have to have reboots of huge franchises can we please have them without retelling the entire origin story again? Just once? Thanks Dredd for being awesome (not a huge movie franchise, I realize).

Today I watched Fun Size directed by Josh Schwartz and starring Victoria Justice, Johnny Knoxville, and Chelsea Handler. I give it 4/5 little candy bars. It’s a pretty fun film worth catching if it’s on television. I would say this my second favorite Johnny Knoxville film I’ve seen so far this year. (First place goes to The Last Stand, which I now realize I haven’t done an episode about. Go watch The Last Stand, it’s incredibly entertaining!)

Today I watched Survivor: Caramoan Episode 6. I give it 4/5 paint-filled eggs. Hooray for a puzzle! But it was a gigantic puzzle that largely relied on physical strength… I’m very much looking forward to next week’s episode, as always.

Today I watched the Amazing Race 22 episode 5. I give it 4/5 human chess pieces.