Tom Nikkola | VIGOR Training

We still have a small number of National Guard soldiers left in Minneapolis. Vanessa and I make a point to drive past one of the areas they’re stationed when we are out, just so we can say, “Thank you” as we drive by.

If there were only one thing I could change about my past, it would be to have served in the armed forces before transitioning into adulthood.

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My father served in the Army in Vietnam. He was in the midst of numerous battles as part of the Red Warriors. His last one landed him in the hospital with the back of his body filled with shrapnel. Eight of his fellow soldiers died that day, and 39 others were injured. The battle report from May 27, 1969 could be a movie script.

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During his tour, he earned the Purple Heart, Bronze Star with Valor, and Silver Star. You'd never know it, though, unless you asked him.

After his time in the Army, he joined the National Guard. He also worked two jobs and guided fishing trips in Northern Minnesota on the weekends to make sure we had what we needed. In case you can't tell, I'm pretty freaking proud of him (and my mom as well, but I'll talk about her another time).

My father-in-law, Ray Romero, is also a Vietnam vet. Like my dad, he doesn't talk much about getting drafted, and gave no consideration to not joining the Army once he was drafted. Ray's parents immigrated from Mexico just before he was born.

And, like many reading this, I have quite a few friends who serve in the military today.

Word to the Nation: Guard zealously your right to serve in the Armed Forces, for without them, there will be no other rights to guardJohn F Kennedy

Call In The Guard

Following the death of George Floyd, the riots in Minnesota got out of hand.

Eventually, the National Guard was called and activated to help restore order and safety around the Minneapolis metro area. If the National Guard had been activated sooner, maybe Minnesota could have set the example for peaceful protests and limited rioting and property damage.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. A lot of damage was done before they stepped in, and that pattern repeated itself across the country.

The intention of bringing in The Guard was to quell the rioting. To bring safety to the community. To help stop the destruction of businesses and other property. To reduce the risk that outside groups would exacerbate the violence already seen.

They were not brought in to stop peaceful protesting, though some media sources might have portrayed that perspective. 

Disrespected

How were they welcomed?

Most showed them the respect they deserve. Some did not.

Each time I saw a photo or video, or read a story of how our soldiers were mistreated, I pictured my friends, my father-in-law, and my dad as those soldiers.

I imagined them absorbing the hate-filled words and standing tall. Heads held high. 

It was painful to imagine those I knew taking such punishment from the people they volunteered to protect.

As I watched and listened in disbelief, this thought occured to me...

These soldiers who absorb abuse from their own countrymen and countrywomen would willingly put their lives on the line to protect those who show them such disrespect.

Our soldiers — active duty, National Guard, Secret Service — put the protection of our country and its people ahead of themselves every day. Most law enforcement officers do as well.

We may never fully appreciate what that means. I do know that on May 27, 1969, had a grenade exploded a little closer to my dad, he would have never been my dad, and I wouldn’t be here.

We still have a small number of National Guard soldiers left in Minnesota. Vanessa and I make a point to drive past one of the areas they’re stationed when we are out, just so we can say, “Thank you” as we drive by.

If there were only one thing I could change about my past, it would be to have served in the armed forces before transitioning into adulthood.

.ugb-e995d80-content-wrapper > .ugb-column{align-items:center !important}.ugb-e995d80-content-wrapper > .ugb-column > .ugb-inner-block{height:auto !important}

My father served in the Army in Vietnam. He was in the midst of numerous battles as part of the Red Warriors. His last one landed him in the hospital with the back of his body filled with shrapnel. Eight of his fellow soldiers died that day, and 39 others were injured. The battle report from May 27, 1969 could be a movie script.

.ugb-b84e519 > .ugb-inner-block > .ugb-block-content > *{justify-content:center !important}@media screen and (min-width:768px){.ugb-b84e519 > .ugb-inner-block > .ugb-block-content > *{justify-content:center}}

During his tour, he earned the Purple Heart, Bronze Star with Valor, and Silver Star. You'd never know it, though, unless you asked him.

After his time in the Army, he joined the National Guard. He also worked two jobs and guided fishing trips in Northern Minnesota on the weekends to make sure we had what we needed. In case you can't tell, I'm pretty freaking proud of him (and my mom as well, but I'll talk about her another time).

My father-in-law, Ray Romero, is also a Vietnam vet. Like my dad, he doesn't talk much about getting drafted, and gave no consideration to not joining the Army once he was drafted. Ray's parents immigrated from Mexico just before he was born.

And, like many reading this, I have quite a few friends who serve in the military today.

Word to the Nation: Guard zealously your right to serve in the Armed Forces, for without them, there will be no other rights to guardJohn F Kennedy

Call In The Guard

Following the George Floyd murder, the riots in Minnesota got out of hand.

Eventually, the National Guard was called and activated to help restore order and safety around the Minneapolis metro area. If the National Guard had been activated sooner, maybe Minnesota could have set the example for peaceful protests and limited rioting and property damage.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. A lot of damage was done before they stepped in, and that pattern repeated itself across the country.

The intention of bringing in The Guard was to quell the rioting. To bring safety to the community. To help stop the destruction of businesses and other property. To reduce the risk that outside groups would exacerbate the violence already seen.

They were not brought in to stop peaceful protesting, though some media sources might have portrayed that perspective. 

Disrespected

How were they welcomed?

Most showed them the respect they deserve. Some did not.

Each time I saw a photo or video, or read a story of how our soldiers were mistreated, I pictured my friends, my father-in-law, and my dad  as those soldiers.

I imagined them absorbing the hate-filled words and standing tall. Heads held high. 

Scream at Them and They'd Still Save You

We still have a small number of National Guard soldiers left in Minneapolis. Vanessa and I make a point to drive past one of the areas they’re stationed when we are out, just so we can say, “Thank you” as we drive by.

If there were only one thing I could change about my past, it would be to have served in the armed forces before transitioning into adulthood.

.ugb-e995d80-content-wrapper > .ugb-column{align-items:center !important}.ugb-e995d80-content-wrapper > .ugb-column > .ugb-inner-block{height:auto !important}

My father served in the Army in Vietnam. He was in the midst of numerous battles as part of the Red Warriors. His last one landed him in the hospital with the back of his body filled with shrapnel. Eight of his fellow soldiers died that day, and 39 others were injured. The battle report from May 27, 1969 could be a movie script.

@media screen and (min-width:768px){.ugb-b84e519 > .ugb-inner-block > .ugb-block-content > *{justify-content:center}}.ugb-b84e519 > .ugb-inner-block > .ugb-block-content > *{justify-content:center !important}

During his tour, he earned the Purple Heart, Bronze Star with Valor, and Silver Star. You'd never know it, though, unless you asked him.

After his time in the Army, he joined the National Guard. He also worked two jobs and guided fishing trips in Northern Minnesota on the weekends to make sure we had what we needed. In case you can't tell, I'm pretty freaking proud of him (and my mom as well, but I'll talk about her another time).

My father-in-law, Ray Romero, is also a Vietnam vet. Like my dad, he doesn't talk much about getting drafted, and gave no consideration to not joining the Army once he was drafted. Ray's parents immigrated from Mexico just before he was born.

And, like many reading this, I have quite a few friends who serve in the military today.

Word to the Nation: Guard zealously your right to serve in the Armed Forces, for without them, there will be no other rights to guardJohn F Kennedy

Call In The Guard

Following the death of George Floyd, the riots in Minnesota got out of hand.

Eventually, the National Guard was called and activated to help restore order and safety around the Minneapolis metro area. If the National Guard had been activated sooner, maybe Minnesota could have set the example for peaceful protests and limited rioting and property damage.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. A lot of damage was done before they stepped in, and that pattern repeated itself across the country.

The intention of bringing in The Guard was to quell the rioting. To bring safety to the community. To help stop the destruction of businesses and other property. To reduce the risk that outside groups would exacerbate the violence already seen.

They were not brought in to stop peaceful protesting, though some media sources might have portrayed that perspective. 

Disrespected

How were they welcomed?

Most showed them the respect they deserve. Some did not.

Each time I saw a photo or video, or read a story of how our soldiers were mistreated, I pictured my friends, my father-in-law, and my dad as those soldiers.

I imagined them absorbing the hate-filled words and standing tall. Heads held high. 

It was painful to imagine those I knew taking such punishment from the people they volunteered to protect.

As I watched and listened in disbelief, this thought occured to me...

These soldiers who absorb abuse from their own countrymen and countrywomen would willingly put their lives on the line to protect those who show them such disrespect.

Our soldiers — active duty, National Guard, Secret Service — put the protection of our country and its people ahead of themselves every day. Most law enforcement officers do as well.

We may never fully appreciate what that means. I do know that on May 27, 1969, had a grenade exploded a little closer to my dad, he would have never been my dad, and I wouldn’t be here.

Data from the United States and Europe shows that those with the highest risk of severe cases of COVID-19 and death from the virus are the elderly, and those with pre-existing health conditions.

If you are healthy, you have an extremely low risk of severe illness. Like really low.

If you’re dealing with one of the following conditions, you are not healthy and your risk of a severe case of COVID-19, if you get infected, is much greater:

Overweight and obesity Type II DiabetesHeart diseaseHigh blood pressureRespiratory conditionsCancer

Inflammation and a suppressed immune system are universal among all of these conditions. If you have two or three, things are likely a lot worse.

Technically, having Type I diabetes also raises risk if it isn't properly managed. But type I is usually genetic, unless it’s developed from extreme cases of type II diabetes. Provided type I is properly managed, it shouldn’t affect someone’s risk.

Cancer is caused by a variety of reasons, some of which are lifestyle-related. The rest of the conditions are much more likely to be the result of lifestyle choices.

If pre-existing conditions open the door for SARS-CoV-2, why aren’t we putting more attention on those conditions?

Over the past several decades, pharmaceuticals have helped people live somewhat normal lives, while they continue to make the same lifestyle choices that led to the conditions that led to the medications.

For example, insulin or metformin helps people live longer while still being able to eat the foods that brought on their diabetes, to begin with.

The problem is, even with medications, your body and its systems don’t function right. As a result, your immune system can’t combat diseases, such as COVID-19, like it should be able to.

COVID-19 isn’t the real risk to your health. Diabetes, overweight and obesity, inflammation, and a lack of overall fitness are the real risks. SARS-CoV-2 just exploits the way those risks make us vulnerable. 

The good news is, the death rate related to SARS-CoV-2 is nowhere near what was suggested at the beginning of the pandemic. The bad news is, nobody seems to be telling the public they need to immediately address any preventable health conditions they have.

There's more attention on masks than a healthy metabolism. It makes no sense.

We need more candor to change the culture

The only way to wake people up to the risks of poor lifestyle and nutrition choices is to be honest. 

We have to change the perception of lifestyle diseases, which means we need to communicate with a little more candor, even of some people choose to be offended by it.

If we can’t talk about the stuff that harms us and our society because it makes someone feel bad, we remove the emotions that spur people to change.

Before we can change, we need to wrestle through the reality of our current state, and the pain that precedes the willingness to change.

This goes against the culture of safety that’s crept into our society over the past decade. In a culture of safety, those who might say or do something that another person could find offensive gets silenced.

A culture that allows the concept of “safety” to creep so far that it equates emotional discomfort with physical danger is a culture that encourages people to systematically protect one another from the very experiences embedded in daily life that they need in order to become strong and healthy.The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff, Jonathan Haidt

If public health is a priority, why not prime the public on health-promoting habits instead of fostering fear?

These lifestyle diseases cost the healthcare system enough already. Now, COVID-19 is yet another disease that puts those with these conditions at greater risk.

What if we focused on fixing these problems instead? What if we put more focus on:

getting people in the gym and building muscle, which helps control blood sugar and improves body compo...

Data from the United States and Europe shows that those with the highest risk of severe cases of COVID-19 and death from the virus are the elderly, and those with pre-existing health conditions.

If you are healthy, you have an extremely low risk of severe illness. Like really low.

If you’re dealing with one of the following conditions, you are not healthy and your risk of a severe case of COVID-19, if you get infected, is much greater:

* Overweight and obesity * Type II Diabetes* Heart disease* High blood pressure* Respiratory conditions* Cancer

Inflammation and a suppressed immune system are universal among all of these conditions. If you have two or three, things are likely a lot worse.

Technically, having Type I diabetes also raises risk if it isn't properly managed. But type I is usually genetic, unless it’s developed from extreme cases of type II diabetes. Provided type I is properly managed, it shouldn’t affect someone’s risk.

Cancer is caused by a variety of reasons, some of which are lifestyle-related. The rest of the conditions are much more likely to be the result of lifestyle choices.

If pre-existing conditions open the door for SARS-CoV-2, why aren’t we putting more attention on those conditions?

Over the past several decades, pharmaceuticals have helped people live somewhat normal lives, while they continue to make the same lifestyle choices that led to the conditions that led to the medications.

For example, insulin or metformin helps people live longer while still being able to eat the foods that brought on their diabetes, to begin with.

The problem is, even with medications, your body and its systems don’t function right. As a result, your immune system can’t combat diseases, such as COVID-19, like it should be able to.

COVID-19 isn’t the real risk to your health. Diabetes, overweight and obesity, inflammation, and a lack of overall fitness are the real risks. SARS-CoV-2 just exploits the way those risks make us vulnerable. 

The good news is, the death rate related to SARS-CoV-2 is nowhere near what was suggested at the beginning of the pandemic. The bad news is, nobody seems to be telling the public they need to immediately address any preventable health conditions they have.

There's more attention on masks than a healthy metabolism. It makes no sense.

We need more candor to change the culture

The only way to wake people up to the risks of poor lifestyle and nutrition choices is to be honest. 

We have to change the perception of lifestyle diseases, which means we need to communicate with a little more candor, even of some people choose to be offended by it.

If we can’t talk about the stuff that harms us and our society because it makes someone feel bad, we remove the emotions that spur people to change.

Before we can change, we need to wrestle through the reality of our current state, and the pain that precedes the willingness to change.

This goes against the culture of safety that’s crept into our society over the past decade. In a culture of safety, those who might say or do something that another person could find offensive gets silenced.

A culture that allows the concept of “safety” to creep so far that it equates emotional discomfort with physical danger is a culture that encourages people to systematically protect one another from the very experiences embedded in daily life th...

Data from the United States and Europe shows that those with the highest risk of severe cases of COVID-19 and death from the virus are the elderly, and those with pre-existing health conditions.

If you are healthy, you have an extremely low risk of severe illness. Like really low.

If you’re dealing with one of the following conditions, you are not healthy and your risk of a severe case of COVID-19, if you get infected, is much greater:

Overweight and obesity Type II DiabetesHeart diseaseHigh blood pressureRespiratory conditionsCancer

Inflammation and a suppressed immune system are universal among all of these conditions. If you have two or three, things are likely a lot worse.

Technically, having Type I diabetes also raises risk if it isn't properly managed. But type I is usually genetic, unless it’s developed from extreme cases of type II diabetes. Provided type I is properly managed, it shouldn’t affect someone’s risk.

Cancer is caused by a variety of reasons, some of which are lifestyle-related. The rest of the conditions are much more likely to be the result of lifestyle choices.

If pre-existing conditions open the door for SARS-CoV-2, why aren’t we putting more attention on those conditions?

Over the past several decades, pharmaceuticals have helped people live somewhat normal lives, while they continue to make the same lifestyle choices that led to the conditions that led to the medications.

For example, insulin or metformin helps people live longer while still being able to eat the foods that brought on their diabetes, to begin with.

The problem is, even with medications, your body and its systems don’t function right. As a result, your immune system can’t combat diseases, such as COVID-19, like it should be able to.

COVID-19 isn’t the real risk to your health. Diabetes, overweight and obesity, inflammation, and a lack of overall fitness are the real risks. SARS-CoV-2 just exploits the way those risks make us vulnerable. 

The good news is, the death rate related to SARS-CoV-2 is nowhere near what was suggested at the beginning of the pandemic. The bad news is, nobody seems to be telling the public they need to immediately address any preventable health conditions they have.

There's more attention on masks than a healthy metabolism. It makes no sense.

We need more candor to change the culture

The only way to wake people up to the risks of poor lifestyle and nutrition choices is to be honest. 

We have to change the perception of lifestyle diseases, which means we need to communicate with a little more candor, even of some people choose to be offended by it.

If we can’t talk about the stuff that harms us and our society because it makes someone feel bad, we remove the emotions that spur people to change.

Before we can change, we need to wrestle through the reality of our current state, and the pain that precedes the willingness to change.

This goes against the culture of safety that’s crept into our society over the past decade. In a culture of safety, those who might say or do something that another person could find offensive gets silenced.

A culture that allows the concept of “safety” to creep so far that it equates emotional discomfort with physical danger is a culture that encourages people to systematically protect one another from the very experiences embedded in daily life that they need in order to become strong and healthy.The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff, Jonathan Haidt

If public health is a priority, why not prime the public on health-promoting habits instead of fostering fear?

These lifestyle diseases cost the healthcare system enough already. Now, COVID-19 is yet another disease that puts those with these conditions at greater risk.

What if we focused on fixing these problems instead? What if we put more focus on:

getting people in the gym and building muscle, which helps control blood sugar and improves body compo...

It happens in a moment.

You’re casually scrolling through your newsfeed. You catch a glimpse of someone doing or saying something you don’t agree with. 

Maybe you see a photo of a few people hugging after dinner at a restaurant...with people in the background sitting at tables that are closer than six feet apart...and servers who aren't wearing masks?!

Before another thought enters your mind, you type a scathing comment: “It’s people like you who are killing people like me!” You feel like you did your good deed for the day. 

Then, you get a notification. Your friend responded to your comment: “The photo was from a year ago. You should have read the caption first.” 

Oops.

You only lost your marbles for a moment, but the damage is done.

You got emotionally hijacked. I've been there before as well.

How you lose your mind

Critical thinking and rational thought occur in your frontal lobe. Emotions take place in your amygdala. 

When your amygdala gets triggered by good or bad emotions, it hijacks your frontal lobe. 

Emotions literally make you lose your mind.

If you’ve ever bought something and brought it home (or brought someone home) only to feel regretful after the fact, you were probably emotionally hijacked when you made that decision.

If you’ve ever said or done something hurtful you later regretted, you were probably emotionally hijacked, too. Or, maybe you’re just a jerk too, but let’s hope not.

You are more susceptible to emotional hijacking in stressful environments, where you're bombarded with messages of fear, anger, and disdain, like the news or Twitter.

Studies have also found that the amygdala modulates the fear response in humans. Fearful stimuli including fearful faces, fear inducing images, and fear conditioned cues, have been found to activate amygdala in several brain imaging studies...Kerry J. Ressler, Amygdala Activity, Fear, and Anxiety: Modulation by Stress

The point is, if you act before you get your emotions under control, you’re more likely to act in a way you’ll later regret.

To use common sense and critical thinking, you must first learn to tame your emotions.

Critical Thinking vs. Criticism and Condemnation

You can’t convince with criticism and condemnation. No matter how loud, offensive, or cruel you are, criticisms and condemnation only push people away and make you look like a jerk.

Belittling others makes you look small-minded, not those you try to defame. 

Why does one human treat another so...inhumanly? In my opinion, there are three possible reasons:

They’re emotionally hijacked, and the only response they can come up with in such an emotional state is to slam and slander others.They name-call and criticize the messenger because they don’t understand their own position well enough to argue about the message itself. Instead, they try to eliminate the message by cutting down the messenger.They believe that by slandering someone harshly enough, the other person will be afraid to speak up any further. This one is a favorite among the Rules For Radicals followers: “Ridicule is man's most potent weapon.”

Whatever the reason, choosing a harsh reaction instead of a respectful response is a childish way to treat another person.

If you're on the receiving end of such childish criticism and condemnation, allow me to suggest a trick I learned long ago.

Smile

This past week, I was called a narcissistic a$$hole based on my belief that healthy people who choose to, should be able to get back to normal life.

I smiled.

Not because I enjoy reading stuff like that, but because I’ve found that’s the easiest way to shut down my own amygdala if I feel defensive, irritated, or angry.

I learned the smiling trick while growing up as a fat kid. My nickname was CP (Chubby & Porky).

When I got teased, I learned to smile. When I smiled, it changed how I was feeling and allowed me to think more clearly.

It happens in a moment.

You’re casually scrolling through your newsfeed. You catch a glimpse of someone doing or saying something you don’t agree with. 

Maybe you see a photo of a few people hugging after dinner at a restaurant...with people in the background sitting at tables that are closer than six feet apart...and servers who aren't wearing masks?!

Before another thought enters your mind, you type a scathing comment: “It’s people like you who are killing people like me!” You feel like you did your good deed for the day. 

Then, you get a notification. Your  friend responded to your comment: “The photo was from a year ago. You should have read the caption first.” 

Oops.

You only lost your marbles for a moment, but the damage is done.

You got emotionally hijacked. I've been there before as well.

How you lose your mind

Critical thinking and rational thought occur in your frontal lobe. Emotions take place in your amygdala. 

When your amygdala gets triggered by good or bad emotions, it hijacks your frontal lobe. 

Emotions literally make you lose your mind.

If you’ve ever bought something and brought it home (or brought someone home) only to feel regretful after the fact, you were probably emotionally hijacked when you made that decision.

If you’ve ever said or done something hurtful you later regretted, you were probably emotionally hijacked, too. Or, maybe you’re just a jerk too, but let’s hope not.

You are more susceptible to emotional hijacking in stressful environments, where you're bombarded with messages of fear, anger, and disdain, like the news or Twitter.

Studies have also found that the amygdala modulates the fear response in humans. Fearful stimuli including fearful faces, fear inducing images, and fear conditioned cues, have been found to activate amygdala in several brain imaging studies...Kerry J. Ressler, Amygdala Activity, Fear, and Anxiety: Modulation by Stress

The point is, if you act before you get your emotions under control, you’re more likely to act in a way you’ll later regret.

To use common sense and critical thinking, you must first learn to tame your emotions.

Critical Thinking vs. Criticism and Condemnation

You can’t convince with criticism and condemnation. No matter how loud, offensive, or cruel you are, criticisms and condemnation only push people away and make you look like a jerk.

Belittling others makes you look small-minded, not those you try to defame. 

Why does one human treat another so...inhumanly? In my opinion, there are three possible reasons:

* They’re emotionally hijacked, and the only response they can come up with in such an emotional state is to slam and slander others.* They name-call and criticize the messenger because they don’t understand their own position well enough to argue about the message itself. Instead, they try to eliminate the message by cutting down the messenger.* They believe that by slandering someone harshly enough, the other person will be afraid to speak up any further. This one is a favorite among the Rules For Radicals followers: “Ridicule is man's most potent weapon.”

Whatever the reason, choosing a harsh reaction instead of a respectful response is a childish way to treat another person.

It happens in a moment.

You’re casually scrolling through your newsfeed. You catch a glimpse of someone doing or saying something you don’t agree with. 

Maybe you see a photo of a few people hugging after dinner at a restaurant...with people in the background sitting at tables that are closer than six feet apart...and servers who aren't wearing masks?!

Before another thought enters your mind, you type a scathing comment: “It’s people like you who are killing people like me!” You feel like you did your good deed for the day. 

Then, you get a notification. Your friend responded to your comment: “The photo was from a year ago. You should have read the caption first.” 

Oops.

You only lost your marbles for a moment, but the damage is done.

You got emotionally hijacked. I've been there before as well.

How you lose your mind

Critical thinking and rational thought occur in your frontal lobe. Emotions take place in your amygdala. 

When your amygdala gets triggered by good or bad emotions, it hijacks your frontal lobe. 

Emotions literally make you lose your mind.

If you’ve ever bought something and brought it home (or brought someone home) only to feel regretful after the fact, you were probably emotionally hijacked when you made that decision.

If you’ve ever said or done something hurtful you later regretted, you were probably emotionally hijacked, too. Or, maybe you’re just a jerk too, but let’s hope not.

You are more susceptible to emotional hijacking in stressful environments, where you're bombarded with messages of fear, anger, and disdain, like the news or Twitter.

Studies have also found that the amygdala modulates the fear response in humans. Fearful stimuli including fearful faces, fear inducing images, and fear conditioned cues, have been found to activate amygdala in several brain imaging studies...Kerry J. Ressler, Amygdala Activity, Fear, and Anxiety: Modulation by Stress

The point is, if you act before you get your emotions under control, you’re more likely to act in a way you’ll later regret.

To use common sense and critical thinking, you must first learn to tame your emotions.

Critical Thinking vs. Criticism and Condemnation

You can’t convince with criticism and condemnation. No matter how loud, offensive, or cruel you are, criticisms and condemnation only push people away and make you look like a jerk.

Belittling others makes you look small-minded, not those you try to defame. 

Why does one human treat another so...inhumanly? In my opinion, there are three possible reasons:

They’re emotionally hijacked, and the only response they can come up with in such an emotional state is to slam and slander others.They name-call and criticize the messenger because they don’t understand their own position well enough to argue about the message itself. Instead, they try to eliminate the message by cutting down the messenger.They believe that by slandering someone harshly enough, the other person will be afraid to speak up any further. This one is a favorite among the Rules For Radicals followers: “Ridicule is man's most potent weapon.”

Whatever the reason, choosing a harsh reaction instead of a respectful response is a childish way to treat another person.

If you're on the receiving end of such childish criticism and condemnation, allow me to suggest a trick I learned long ago.

Smile

This past week, I was called a narcissistic a$$hole based on my belief that healthy people who choose to, should be able to get back to normal life.

I smiled.

Not because I enjoy reading stuff like that, but because I’ve found that’s the easiest way to shut down my own amygdala if I feel defensive, irritated, or angry.

I learned the smiling trick while growing up as a fat kid. My nickname was CP (Chubby & Porky).

When I got teased, I learned to smile. When I smiled, it changed how I was feeling and allowed me to think more clearly.

We’re all in this together. Stay home. Stay safe. We’ll get through this. It’s our new normal.

These words have been repeated so many times, you’d think they’re used for selling the latest superfood.

They’re not selling a superfood, but is it possible they’re trying to sell us something?

A Sequence of Events

Vanessa and I were playing our morning game of Sequence and drinking our coffee in early April (we’ve been playing card games before work since well before the COVID-19 chaos). Just before the news shifted to commercial, the newsperson stated, "Stay home. Stay safe."

The commercials came on, with one after another using the phrases I mentioned above. That was the moment I first realized how often those phrases were coming at us. Of course, once you notice something like this, you can't not see it and hear it anymore. Welcome to the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. Perhaps my bringing it up to you will make you aware now too.

Whether the coordinated use of these phrases was some sort of nationwide scheme created by a group behind "the curtain," or it was a simple coincidence, we've been primed, and it's had a visible impact on people's thoughts, words, and actions.

Behavioral Priming

Though its effects are controversial, psychologists, researchers, and marketers have tested behavioral priming since the middle of the 20th century.

If you’re not familiar with priming, it is the ability to influence someone’s thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors without them knowing about it, through exposing them to a previous stimulus. For example, repeating the phrase, “Stay home. Stay safe.” could be a form of priming, as it has the potential to impact the way people think (or don't think and just do), speak, or act.

As John Bargh explains in his article, published in the European Journal of Social Psychology,

The past 25 years have seen amazing empirical advances in our knowledge of the kinds of psychological concepts and processes that can be primed or put into motion unconsciously. Social norms to guide or channel behavior within the situation; goals to achieve high performance, to cooperate with an opponent, or to be fair minded and egalitarian; emotions that shape our reactions and responses to subsequent, unrelated stimuli; and of course, knowledge structures such as stereotypes and trait constructs for use in the comprehension and encoding of often ambiguous social behavior. And social behavior itself can be produced unconsciously in the same fashion.Still more recently, though, priming effects of even greater complexity have been discovered, such as in the nonconscious activation of deep cultural ideologies and other interpersonal relations…Bargh JA, 2006

Consider this statement: We're all in this together.

If you hear this over and over, and unconsciously believe it, then it means those who don't follow the conventional recommendations aren't in this with you. They're outsiders. They are easy to target and hate and slander. It feels okay to treat them as outsiders because people believe they have the support of their pack to do so.

Or take this one: Stay home. Stay safe.

This implies that by staying home, you’re doing something that helps protect people. To not stay home then, would mean putting others at risk. It sets the stage for people to easily buy into the idea that if you don’t stay home, you’re selfish.

There's nothing to prove this statement is accurate. Recent data says the opposite: 66% of hospitalizations in New York are from people sheltering in place.

Yet, if you asked the average person what they should do to protect themselves and others, they'd say, "I should stay home to stay safe."

Behavioral priming can lead us to believe something is a fact even without evidence to support it. It would explain why some people feel it's okay to throw stones at those who believe in something other than staying home. They want to slander doctors who suggest we're actually safer...