Tom Nikkola | VIGOR Training

I’m going to Baader-Meinhof you: "STRUGGLE."

The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon occurs when you become aware of something, and then start to notice it everywhere around you.

Like Cole in The Sixth Sense who saw "dead people,” I see struggle.

If you don't see it already, you're about to see struggle too.

I don’t actually see people struggling.

I see and hear people write and talk about their struggle. However, the situations they describe as struggle are nothing more than the challenges of everyday life.

Bastardized Struggle

We live at a time when when things are fairly good for most people.

However, the human mind has a way of finding problems. In the absence of major problems, we tend to make the minor ones major, at least in our minds.

We literally make mountains out of mole hills.

We start to believe the little stuff that's part of life is a bigger deal than it is.

That's dangerous. If you believe the little stuff is a struggle, you'll be woefully unprepared for the big stuff that truly is a struggle.

In addition, you'll perceive everything that's a challenge as a struggle. Eventually, your mind will be overwhelmed with all the "struggles" you face, and you'll feel like something is either wrong with you, or the world is against you.

What does it mean to struggle?

According to the Collins English Dictionary, the definition of struggle is:

to contend with an adversary or opposing force. to contend resolutely with a task, problem, etc.; strive to advance with violent effort

Each of the three definitions involves a tone of action and tenacity.

To advance with violent effort means you deliberately, intentionally, passionately do whatever it takes to reach your goal.

Sometimes the opposing force is you. Sometimes the opposing force is a false perception of the world you live in. Sometimes the opposing force is all the stuff you have to get done to reach your goal.

The point is, for you to truly struggle, you can't passively sit around and talk about how hard things are. You don’t search for sympathy or settle for things staying as they are. You don’t whine and complain. You don’t wish for someone else to deal with your stuff for you.

If you truly struggle, you take all the action necessary to achieve your goal, in spite of the resistance pushing down on you.

Struggle is Not…

When someone says...

...they struggle to eat well, while they have a refrigerator full of junk food, or

they struggle to build a home-based business, while they spend their evenings scrolling through Facebook, or

they struggle in their marriage, while pointing their finger at their spouse, and doing nothing to change their own ways of communicating and relating to him or her, or

they struggle in college while spending study time in a drunken stupor, or

they struggle to get a promotion at work, while doing the bare minimum to keep their job, or

they struggle to get out of debt while buying toys and TVs on credit…

…they do not struggle. They face a reality of life that comes from choices that take them down a different path than the choices that are proven to work.

Struggle is…

Struggle is...

a student with ADHD who controls his impulses long enough to study the material for class, even though it’s 10 times harder for him than it is for his classmates, or

a stay-at-home mom who makes the most of the job she has, so she can provide for her family, and brings joy home with her even though her days are long and the deadbeat dad is nowhere to be found, or

an alcoholic who holds true to his sobriety, even when friends drink all around him, or

the husband who encourages and lifts up his wife as she battles through one health complication after another, not knowing what the future might hold, or

the parents who unexpectedly lose a child, and work through the grief together, while lifting up and encouraging their other children, or

From cardiac patient to competitive athlete, depressed to diabetic, growing up to growing old...you need magnesium. And you need more than you’re probably getting.



At least two-thirds of adults get less than the paltry RDA, which is 400-420 mg for men and 310-320 mg for women, making magnesium the second most-common micronutrient deficiency, next to vitamin D.



Article Shortcuts* Why Is Magnesium So Important?* What Causes Low Magnesium Levels?* How to Increase Levels* My Magnesium Recommendations* Summary



If you hope to meet your magnesium needs through food alone, good luck with that. Most people need to supplement to get enough.



Before you stop into a retail store and buy the lowest-priced supplement you can find, read through this article so you know what to look for.



The last thing I’d want for you is to buy the cheap stuff and end up with diarrhea in the middle of your squat workout, or when you’re in the window seat on an airplane.



I’ll cover why it’s so important, why we don’t get enough, how to choose the right magnesium supplement, and what I use myself. You'll understand why magnesium is part of my Foundational Five, the five foundational supplements for (almost) every nutrition program.



Why Is Magnesium So Important?



At any given time, you store about 25 grams of magnesium in your body, a little less than an ounce. About half is stored in your bones, half in organs and tissues and about one percent in your blood.



It plays a role in more than 300 enzymatic reactions, impacting almost every system in the body.



Cardiovascular Health



Inflammation is a major factor in heart disease.



Magnesium supports normal inflammation levels through multiple pathways. In fact, low-grade inflammation from insufficient magnesium could contribute to a whole host of health problems.



Studies show those with low magnesium are more likely to have elevated C-reactive protein (hs-CRP), the main marker of systemic inflammation. And correcting low magnesium levels can lower CRP levels.



Elevated blood sugar and blood pressure also increase cardiovascular risk, both of which can be improved by meeting your magnesium needs.



Energy Production



Magnesium plays a role in energy production, assisting with the extraction of energy from food. It supports the proper utilization of amino acids, fat, or carbohydrates. It also aids in the creation of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), the energy currency of every cell in your body.



Nerve impulse conduction requires magnesium. No nerve impulse, no ability to move a muscle, control your heart rhythm, or have a functioning brain.



Magnesium is required for the utilization of other micronutrients, such as B-complex vitamins, vitamin C, and vitamin E.



Read also: What You Need to Know About Digestive Enzymes.



Blood Sugar, Insulin Resistance, and Diabetes



Magnesium supports normal blood sugar levels and is needed for proper insulin metabolism. Those with insulin resistance, diabetes,

Finger-pointing. Helplessness. Hissy-fits. Name-calling. And unicorns. We can’t forget the unicorns.

No, I’m not talking about toddlers, adolescents, or teenagers. I’m referring to the attitudes and behaviors of too many "adults" across America.

Is it just me, or does it seem almost impossible to have a constructive conversation about a controversial topic?

Condemnation, disrespect, and yelling have replaced conversation, discussion, and listening.

Unicorn's desires and demands precede unity and the greater good.

No two people live in an identical world, so each person has a slightly different perspective on the perfect world. If everyone is hellbent in making others see and believe what they do, "uncivil wars" are inevitable.

These skirmishes have the potential to wear away at the unity that once defined the "United" States.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I don't think I am. The following are some of the thoughts I've rumbled around in my head these past few years. I hope they cause us all to rethink what we write and what we say.

Read also: 5 Beliefs that Build Suckituptitude.

What Happened to Civility?

To be civil is to be polite and courteous.

Quite the opposite of the verbal battles and character assassinations going on online, on TV, and even in person.

Politeness and courtesy require you to put the feelings of others ahead of your own. Not easy to do if you believe your needs are more important than others. It's even harder when nobody feels heard and everyone feels misunderstood.

How will we learn and grow if we refuse to listen and understand?

Why have people become so bitter toward one another? What is it that's created such divides between fellow citizens and human beings?

Why do people judge others' entire character, simply because they disagree about one or two things?

Before you absolve yourself from such behaviors...

Do you think of someone differently if they voted for Trump versus Clinton?

What about if they are pro or anti-vaccine? Pro-life or pro-choice?

Or, what if they’re atheist, Christian, or Muslim, or Buddhist, or another religion?

People are so quick to judge others. However, the richest conversations, and the greatest learning, comes through meaningful conversations with those you don’t agree with.

Well, to clarify...you learn from those conversations if your goal is to understand the other person, rather than prove to him or her that you are right and they are wrong.

When you make the effort to understand someone else, two crazy things happen. First, you realize that you're more alike than different. Second, you sometimes realize that your beliefs are wrong!

So, why do so many of us forego considerate conversation, and instead engage in "uncivil war?"

Read also: 5 Fears You Need to Overcome as a Leader, Parent, or Business Owner.

Lack of Curiosity

Let me start with an example...

I don't believe in taking or recommending the flu shot.

If you disagree with me, what was the first thing that popped into your mind after reading that sentence?

Did you feel compelled to correct me? Did you mutter "what an idiot" under your breath?

Do you want to call me irresponsible?

And just to be fair, if I'd have said I believe in getting flu shots, would those of you who are against them have had similar responses as above?

That's how most people respond to opposing views today.

Or...instead of wanting to criticize and condemn me, did you feel curious? Did you instead want to ask why I believe you don't need a flu shot?

If you wondered why I believe what I believe, congratulations! You got curious!

Most people react to opposing views one of two ways.

They push their opinions down others' throats, even when the other person didn't ask for it.

They silence the other person by unfriending, avoiding, or ostracizing him or her.

Millennials have the hardest time with this,

Finger-pointing. Helplessness. Hissy-fits. Name-calling. And unicorns. We can’t forget the unicorns.

No, I’m not talking about toddlers, adolescents, or teenagers. I’m referring to the attitudes and behaviors of too many "adults" across America.

Is it just me, or does it seem almost impossible to have a constructive conversation about a controversial topic?

Condemnation, disrespect, and yelling have replaced conversation, discussion, and listening.

Unicorn's desires and demands precede unity and the greater good.

No two people live in an identical world, so each person has a slightly different perspective on the perfect world. If everyone is hellbent in making others see and believe what they do, "uncivil wars" are inevitable.

These skirmishes have the potential to wear away at the unity that once defined the "United" States.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I don't think I am. The following are some of the thoughts I've rumbled around in my head these past few years. I hope they cause us all to rethink what we write and what we say.

Read also: 5 Beliefs that Build Suckituptitude.

What Happened to Civility?

To be civil is to be polite and courteous.

Quite the opposite of the verbal battles and character assassinations going on online, on TV, and even in person.

Politeness and courtesy require you to put the feelings of others ahead of your own. Not easy to do if you believe your needs are more important than others. It's even harder when nobody feels heard and everyone feels misunderstood.

How will we learn and grow if we refuse to listen and understand?

Why have people become so bitter toward one another? What is it that's created such divides between fellow citizens and human beings?

Why do people judge others' entire character, simply because they disagree about one or two things?

Before you absolve yourself from such behaviors...

Do you think of someone differently if they voted for Trump versus Clinton?

What about if they are pro or anti-vaccine? Pro-life or pro-choice?

Or, what if they’re atheist, Christian, or Muslim, or Buddhist, or another religion?

People are so quick to judge others. However, the richest conversations, and the greatest learning, comes through meaningful conversations with those you don’t agree with.

Well, to clarify...you learn from those conversations if your goal is to understand the other person, rather than prove to him or her that you are right and they are wrong.

When you make the effort to understand someone else, two crazy things happen. First, you realize that you're more alike than different. Second, you sometimes realize that your beliefs are wrong!

So, why do so many of us forego considerate conversation, and instead engage in "uncivil war?"

Read also: 5 Fears You Need to Overcome as a Leader, Parent, or Business Owner.

Lack of Curiosity

Let me start with an example...

I don't believe in taking or recommending the flu shot.

If you disagree with me,

Finger-pointing. Helplessness. Hissy-fits. Name-calling. And unicorns. We can’t forget the unicorns.

No, I’m not talking about toddlers, adolescents, or teenagers. I’m referring to the attitudes and behaviors of too many "adults" across America.

Is it just me, or does it seem almost impossible to have a constructive conversation about a controversial topic?

Condemnation, disrespect, and yelling have replaced conversation, discussion, and listening.

Unicorn's desires and demands precede unity and the greater good.

No two people live in an identical world, so each person has a slightly different perspective on the perfect world. If everyone is hellbent in making others see and believe what they do, "uncivil wars" are inevitable.

These skirmishes have the potential to wear away at the unity that once defined the "United" States.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I don't think I am. The following are some of the thoughts I've rumbled around in my head these past few years. I hope they cause us all to rethink what we write and what we say.

Read also: 5 Beliefs that Build Suckituptitude.

What Happened to Civility?

To be civil is to be polite and courteous.

Quite the opposite of the verbal battles and character assassinations going on online, on TV, and even in person.

Politeness and courtesy require you to put the feelings of others ahead of your own. Not easy to do if you believe your needs are more important than others. It's even harder when nobody feels heard and everyone feels misunderstood.

How will we learn and grow if we refuse to listen and understand?

Why have people become so bitter toward one another? What is it that's created such divides between fellow citizens and human beings?

Why do people judge others' entire character, simply because they disagree about one or two things?

Before you absolve yourself from such behaviors...

Do you think of someone differently if they voted for Trump versus Clinton?

What about if they are pro or anti-vaccine? Pro-life or pro-choice?

Or, what if they’re atheist, Christian, or Muslim, or Buddhist, or another religion?

People are so quick to judge others. However, the richest conversations, and the greatest learning, comes through meaningful conversations with those you don’t agree with.

Well, to clarify...you learn from those conversations if your goal is to understand the other person, rather than prove to him or her that you are right and they are wrong.

When you make the effort to understand someone else, two crazy things happen. First, you realize that you're more alike than different. Second, you sometimes realize that your beliefs are wrong!

So, why do so many of us forego considerate conversation, and instead engage in "uncivil war?"

Read also: 5 Fears You Need to Overcome as a Leader, Parent, or Business Owner.

Lack of Curiosity

Let me start with an example...

I don't believe in taking or recommending the flu shot.

If you disagree with me, what was the first thing that popped into your mind after reading that sentence?

Did you feel compelled to correct me? Did you mutter "what an idiot" under your breath?

Do you want to call me irresponsible?

And just to be fair, if I'd have said I believe in getting flu shots, would those of you who are against them have had similar responses as above?

That's how most people respond to opposing views today.

Or...instead of wanting to criticize and condemn me, did you feel curious? Did you instead want to ask why I believe you don't need a flu shot?

If you wondered why I believe what I believe, congratulations! You got curious!

Most people react to opposing views one of two ways.

They push their opinions down others' throats, even when the other person didn't ask for it.They silence the other person by unfriending, avoiding, or ostracizing him or her.

Millennials have the hardest time with this,

A relationship with a toxic person is kind of like drinking anti-freeze.

If you don’t know what you’re drinking, you might mistake it as healthy and sweet. But if you understand what you're drinking, you’ll realize it's poisonous.

You might believe you have a good, healthy relationship. But it’s because you’re too close to the other person to see that the relationship is toxic.

Once you step back and see how your relationship really works, you'll discover the damage it does.

The Problem With Tolerating Toxic People

Toxic people are all around, but they’re more the exception than the rule. So, as you read this article, avoid the temptation to label every person who rubs you the wrong way.

Some of the healthiest relationships are with those who challenge you, question your beliefs, and disagree with your decisions. Often, those people help you grow.

And if you feel like problematic people surround you, you might be the problem. You might be one of the people described below. Take it to heart and change your ways.

If you realize you're in a toxic relationship, remember the adage, "the dose makes the poison."

One teaspoon of anti-freeze won't kill you. One-third of a cup will.

Too much time with poisonous people can kill you as well. Maybe not physically, but they can kill your confidence, ambition, and joy. Over time, your relationship with them can kill the potential you once had for your life.

Sometimes, merely limiting your time with poisonous people is enough. For others, you might need to cut the connection altogether.

Toxic people cause you harm because they:

Influence the way you think about and see the world.

Drain your emotional energy, leaving little for others who need your time and attention.

Jim Roan is credited with the following quote, although someone probably realized this long before he said it:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Like it or not, you will become more like the people you surround yourself with than they will become like you.

Your emotional energy tank gets tapped when you spend time with them as well. You'll be mentally worn down, and won't have energy, creativity, passion or ambition to accomplish all you're capable of.

So, carefully consider how you spend your time with those who fit the descriptions below. They'll often take much from you, and give little in return.

The Bully

Bullies suck.

Merriam-Webster defines a bully as a blustering, browbeating person; especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.

Childhood bullies torture others physically and mentally. They beat up weak kids, make fun of fat (like I was) and slow kids, and embarrass others whenever the opportunity arises.

Physical bullying isn't as common in adults, except for physically abusive spouses (which is despicable, in my opinion), drunk knuckleheads at bars, or certain Philadelphia Eagles fans.

Mental, verbal, or emotional abuse is often worse than physical abuse because only the abused individual can see and feel the damage.

Bullies attack your weaknesses and vulnerabilities to feel better about themselves. They also use your past mistakes or secrets to embarrass you or bring you down in front of other people.

Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.

Paramahansa Yogananda

In essence, bullies feel inferior.

They bully people they feel inferior to, as an attempt to knock them down to their level, or they bully someone else to get other people's attention.

Often, bullies are friends with, or family members of, the people they bully.

What better way is there to know your vulnerabilities and weaknesses than to know you on a personal level? If they trick you into trusting them, you'll be more likely to share your secrets.

Part of you feels a friendship or bond to the bully.

A relationship with a toxic person is kind of like drinking anti-freeze.

If you don’t know what you’re drinking, you might mistake it as healthy and sweet. But if you understand what you're drinking, you’ll realize it's poisonous.

You might believe you have a good, healthy relationship. But it’s because you’re too close to the other person to see that the relationship is toxic.

Once you step back and see how your relationship really works, you'll discover the damage it does.

The Problem With Tolerating Toxic People

Toxic people are all around, but they’re more the exception than the rule. So, as you read this article, avoid the temptation to label every person who rubs you the wrong way.

Some of the healthiest relationships are with those who challenge you, question your beliefs, and disagree with your decisions. Often, those people help you grow.

And if you feel like problematic people surround you, you might be the problem. You might be one of the people described below. Take it to heart and change your ways.

If you realize you're in a toxic relationship, remember the adage, "the dose makes the poison."

One teaspoon of anti-freeze won't kill you. One-third of a cup will.

Too much time with poisonous people can kill you as well. Maybe not physically, but they can kill your confidence, ambition, and joy. Over time, your relationship with them can kill the potential you once had for your life.

Sometimes, merely limiting your time with poisonous people is enough. For others, you might need to cut the connection altogether.

Toxic people cause you harm because they:

* Influence the way you think about and see the world.* Drain your emotional energy, leaving little for others who need your time and attention.

Jim Roan is credited with the following quote, although someone probably realized this long before he said it:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Like it or not, you will become more like the people you surround yourself with than they will become like you.

Your emotional energy tank gets tapped when you spend time with them as well. You'll be mentally worn down, and won't have energy, creativity, passion or ambition to accomplish all you're capable of.

So, carefully consider how you spend your time with those who fit the descriptions below. They'll often take much from you, and give little in return.

The Bully

Bullies suck.

Merriam-Webster defines a bully as a blustering, browbeating person; especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.

Childhood bullies torture others physically and mentally. They beat up weak kids, make fun of fat (like I was) and slow kids, and embarrass others whenever the opportunity arises.

Physical bullying isn't as common in adults, except for physically abusive spouses (which is despicable, in my opinion), drunk knuckleheads at bars, or certain Philadelphia Eagles fans.

Mental, verbal, or emotional abuse is often worse than physical abuse because only the abused individual can see and feel the damage.

Bullies attack your weaknesses and vulnerabilities to feel better about themselves. They also use your past mistakes or secrets to embarrass you or bring you d...

A relationship with a toxic person is kind of like drinking anti-freeze.

If you don’t know what you’re drinking, you might mistake it as healthy and sweet. But if you understand what you're drinking, you’ll realize it's poisonous.

You might believe you have a good, healthy relationship. But it’s because you’re too close to the other person to see that the relationship is toxic.

Once you step back and see how your relationship really works, you'll discover the damage it does.

The Problem With Tolerating Toxic People

Toxic people are all around, but they’re more the exception than the rule. So, as you read this article, avoid the temptation to label every person who rubs you the wrong way.

Some of the healthiest relationships are with those who challenge you, question your beliefs, and disagree with your decisions. Often, those people help you grow.

And if you feel like problematic people surround you, you might be the problem. You might be one of the people described below. Take it to heart and change your ways.

If you realize you're in a toxic relationship, remember the adage, "the dose makes the poison."

One teaspoon of anti-freeze won't kill you. One-third of a cup will.

Too much time with poisonous people can kill you as well. Maybe not physically, but they can kill your confidence, ambition, and joy. Over time, your relationship with them can kill the potential you once had for your life.

Sometimes, merely limiting your time with poisonous people is enough. For others, you might need to cut the connection altogether.

Toxic people cause you harm because they:

Influence the way you think about and see the world.Drain your emotional energy, leaving little for others who need your time and attention.

Jim Roan is credited with the following quote, although someone probably realized this long before he said it:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Like it or not, you will become more like the people you surround yourself with than they will become like you.

Your emotional energy tank gets tapped when you spend time with them as well. You'll be mentally worn down, and won't have energy, creativity, passion or ambition to accomplish all you're capable of.

So, carefully consider how you spend your time with those who fit the descriptions below. They'll often take much from you, and give little in return.

The Bully

Bullies suck.

Merriam-Webster defines a bully as a blustering, browbeating person; especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.

Childhood bullies torture others physically and mentally. They beat up weak kids, make fun of fat (like I was) and slow kids, and embarrass others whenever the opportunity arises.

Physical bullying isn't as common in adults, except for physically abusive spouses (which is despicable, in my opinion), drunk knuckleheads at bars, or certain Philadelphia Eagles fans.

Mental, verbal, or emotional abuse is often worse than physical abuse because only the abused individual can see and feel the damage.

Bullies attack your weaknesses and vulnerabilities to feel better about themselves. They also use your past mistakes or secrets to embarrass you or bring you down in front of other people.

Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.Paramahansa Yogananda

In essence, bullies feel inferior.

They bully people they feel inferior to, as an attempt to knock them down to their level, or they bully someone else to get other people's attention.

Often, bullies are friends with, or family members of, the people they bully.

What better way is there to know your vulnerabilities and weaknesses than to know you on a personal level? If they trick you into trusting them, you'll be more likely to share your secrets.

Part of you feels a friendship or bond to the bully.

A year goes by so fast, and yet so much can happen in that short time. It seems like just weeks ago that I wrote In My Next 40 Years..., yet it was exactly a year ago.

This past week, I thought a lot about the past 12 months...what I observed, learned, accomplished, and experienced.

Many ideas came to mind as I considered this first article as a 41-year-old...stuff on nutrition, exercise, business, personal development. However, one thing stood out the most this past year: The roles and responsibilities of men, fathers, and yes, even grandfathers.

Surprise! You're a 40-Year Old Grandfather

My 40th birthday was Saturday, January 14, 2017. It wasn't especially eventful, mainly because I'd always shrugged off my birthday. I didn't like the attention of a birthday party. But my 40th was different. I wanted to celebrate it with others. The only problem was, I didn't tell Vanessa any of this. I just expected her, somehow, to read my mind.

It wasn't until the day of my birthday, when I was a little sad and irritated, that I shared why I was disappointed (that could be a separate blog post of its own, on husbands being better at communicating with their wives).

She didn't get defensive like I would have in her position. Instead, she quietly organized a surprise party for the next day.

She pulled it off. We took the dog to our 6th-floor dog park, and there in the community room were most of our local family members and my parents.

Surprise!

Our son Jacob didn't show up. That wasn't out of the ordinary, so we didn't give it much thought. About a half-hour into the party, we got a text from him with a photo of an adorable, blond-haired, two year-old boy.

The day before, he found out he was Asher's father. At that moment, we found out we were Asher's grandparents.

Surprise!

A lot of stuff happened between that moment, and today. Some of it's been emotionally and financially taxing. But for the most part, we've been blessed with joy with this little boy.

We traded in our two-door BMW 428 for an X5 SUV with a car seat.

Toys fill our den.

Vanessa's Thursday/Friday Instagram Stories often bring us to tears as we watch them after dropping off Asher on Friday nights.

Life throws curveballs, but if you shift your stance and swing, you can still hit a home run.

This was the highlight of the past year, and it's left me thinking about what it means to be a man, father, and now, a grandfather.

Here's the deal: the world is changing in significant ways. From how people treat one another, to the roles men, women, mothers, and fathers play. We need more "adult" men to step up and mentor young men. To be examples for them.

I'm not writing this because I have it all figured out. Far from it. I'm still learning too.

One final note before I begin...for the women who are raising kids on their own because the dad jumped ship...I commend you for your efforts. You have a tough job, playing the role of both parents. You might not get much appreciation for what you do right now. One day, you will. When your kids have kids of their own, they'll understand the sacrifice you made. Keep leading them, loving them, and guiding them.

Read also: Man Up by Scott Schuler: What I Learned, Why You Need to Read It

(Grand)Fathers...Provide

A father's #1 responsibility is to provide financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual stability for his family.

Unless another family adopted your child, it's on you to get and keep a job that meets the current and future needs of your child. That might mean providing a home of your own, insurance, daycare, food, clothes, and more.

It doesn't matter whether you're in a relationship with the mother or not. Your child is your responsibility.

Your hobbies and interests take a back seat to providing an income, as well as emotional stability for him or her.

I'm concerned that too many men are entering adulthood, totally unprepared for raising a family.

A year goes by so fast, and yet so much can happen in that short time. It seems like just weeks ago that I wrote In My Next 40 Years..., yet it was exactly a year ago.

This past week, I thought a lot about the past 12 months...what I observed, learned, accomplished, and experienced.

Many ideas came to mind as I considered this first article as a 41-year-old...stuff on nutrition, exercise, business, personal development. However, one thing stood out the most this past year: The roles and responsibilities of men, fathers, and yes, even grandfathers.

Surprise! You're a 40-Year Old Grandfather

My 40th birthday was Saturday, January 14, 2017. It wasn't especially eventful, mainly because I'd always shrugged off my birthday. I didn't like the attention of a birthday party. But my 40th was different. I wanted to celebrate it with others. The only problem was, I didn't tell Vanessa any of this. I just expected her, somehow, to read my mind.

It wasn't until the day of my birthday, when I was a little sad and irritated, that I shared why I was disappointed (that could be a separate blog post of its own, on husbands being better at communicating with their wives).

She didn't get defensive like I would have in her position. Instead, she quietly organized a surprise party for the next day.

She pulled it off. We took the dog to our 6th-floor dog park, and there in the community room were most of our local family members and my parents.

Surprise!

Our son Jacob didn't show up. That wasn't out of the ordinary, so we didn't give it much thought. About a half-hour into the party, we got a text from him with a photo of an adorable, blond-haired, two year-old boy.

The day before, he found out he was Asher's father. At that moment, we found out we were Asher's grandparents.

Surprise!

A lot of stuff happened between that moment, and today. Some of it's been emotionally and financially taxing. But for the most part, we've been blessed with joy with this little boy.

We traded in our two-door BMW 428 for an X5 SUV with a car seat.

Toys fill our den.

Vanessa's Thursday/Friday Instagram Stories often bring us to tears as we watch them after dropping off Asher on Friday nights.

Life throws curveballs, but if you shift your stance and swing, you can still hit a home run.

This was the highlight of the past year, and it's left me thinking about what it means to be a man, father, and now, a grandfather.

Here's the deal: the world is changing in significant ways. From how people treat one another, to the roles men, women, mothers, and fathers play. We need more "adult" men to step up and mentor young men. To be examples for them.

I'm not writing this because I have it all figured out. Far from it. I'm still learning too.

One final note before I begin...for the women who are raising kids on their own because the dad jumped ship...I commend you for your efforts. You have a tough job, playing the role of both parents. You might not get much appreciation for what you do right now. One day, you will. When your kids have kids of their own, they'll understand the sacrifice you made. Keep leading them, loving them, and guiding them.

Read also: Man Up by Scott Schuler: What I Learned, Why You Need to Read It

(Grand)Fathers...Provide

A father's #1 responsibility is to provide financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual stability for his family.

Unless another family adopted your child, it's on you to get and keep a job that meets the current and future needs of your child. That might mean providing a home of your own, insurance, daycare, food, clothes, and more.

It doesn't matter whether you're in a relationship with the mother or not. Your child is your responsibility.

Your hobbies and interests take a back seat to providing an income, as well as emotional stability for him or her.

I'm concerned that too many men are entering adulthood, totally unprepared for raising a family.