“Social media and the media in general has caused many people to feel confused, puzzled in mind, disconcerted, abashed, perplexed, doubtful, not properly distinguished, mistaken, jumbled, snarled, deranged, bewildered, out of order, disarrayed, confounded, mixed, mixed up, chaotic, disordered, muddled, fuddled, befuddled, slovenly, untidy, messy, wrongly involved, misunderstood, blurred, obscured, topsy-turvy, balled up, fouled up, screwed up, in a mess, haywire, snafu, and tangled.” -Antonio Myers

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“Autism moms have the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control that I need that best compliments my black autistic life. This is not an onslaught against other women.” -Antonio Myers.

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“A lot of those on dating and hookup media platforms are criminals, lawbreakers, felons, child abusers, adult abusers, perpetrators, predators, pedophiles, adult rapists, crooks, murderers, killers, rapists, vandalism, panhandling, perjurers, arsonists, muggers, desparadoes, thugs, gangsters, gang leaders, burglars, safecrackers, the underworld, gangland, crime families, crime bosses, kleptocracies, treasons, state crimes, federal crimes, global crimes, narcokleptocracies, clientelism, political corruption, treason, oligarchy, business oligarchs, angry mobs, drug lords, crime syndicates, narcostates, mafia states, crime rings, criminal organizations, street crews, street gangs, separatists, rebel forces, terrorist groups, financial crimes, violent crimes, theft crimes, clip artists, con men, confidence men, thieves, bandits, second-story men, traffickers, cattle rustlers, horse thieves, liars, phonies, car thieves, pickpocketing, counterfeiting, forgers, smugglers, extortionists, kidnappers, gunmen, trigger men, accomplices, allies, informers, stool pigeons, stoolies, squealers, cons, dope peddlers, and pusher men.” -Antonio Myers.

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“I protect my sexuality, my eroticism, my romantic being, and my sensuality from distress, worry, anxiety, misery, sorrow, wretchedness, pain, dejection, irritation, suffering, ache, heartache, ordeal, desolation, anguish, affliction, woe, torment, shame, embarrassment, dissatisfaction, disappointment, destruction, depression, despair, dissolution, dissonance, tribulation, pang, grief, grievances, and trouble.” -Antonio Myers.

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“I don’t render my sensual verdicts, erotic verdicts, and sexual verdicts out of feelings, sentiments, sensations, reactions, responses, passion, intensity, ardor, fervor, vehemence, fire, moods, states of mind, gut feelings, inclinations, warmth, coldness, indifference, intellect, fireriness, instinct, intuition, impulsivity, and compulsion. I render my sensual verdicts, erotic verdicts, and sexual verdicts out of prudence, sagacity, judiciousness, shrewdness, foresight, forethought, forehandedness, precaution, caution, wariness, canniness, and chariness.” -Antonio Myers.

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“Selecting a Surrogate Partner

It is important to consider who will be most useful to the client’s learning and then to interview and select a professional surrogate partner with the necessary expertise for that specific case. Experience level, physical appearance, and age vary among surrogates. Physical appearance and age are usually the least important criteria when selecting a surrogate partner. It is often desirable to avoid meeting the client’s “ideal” in order to provide optimal learning for the client about “real” relationships with “real” people. High-quality training and emotional maturity are essential features of a professional surrogate partner. Supervising therapists may contact the IPSA Referrals Coordinator for assistance in finding a compassionate, well-trained, professional surrogate partner

IPSA-Certified Surrogate Partners

To assist the therapeutic community and consumers in evaluating the qualifications of individuals offering surrogate partner therapy, IPSA established a certification program. To qualify for IPSA certification, surrogate partners must demonstrate that they have had adequate training; understand the principles and practices of surrogate partner therapy; possess personal qualities commensurate with the large responsibilities of a surrogate partner; and commit to honoring the IPSA Code of Ethics.

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Intern Surrogate Partners

Trainees who successfully complete the first phase of training are approved to begin working as Intern Surrogate Partners. Interns work with real clients, closely collaborate with each client's therapist, and prepare for and review every session with an experienced surrogate partner mentor. Interns are providing benefits to clients while continuing their learning through these real-world experiences. While there are some cases that are too complex for a new intern, many cases are appropriate for intern surrogate partners. IPSA Training staff and mentors help evaluate cases to determine whether an intern has sufficient experience and skills to successfully assist each client.

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Confirmation of a specific surrogate partner's training, certification, and good standing in IPSA can be verified through IPSA Membership Committee or the IPSA Referrals Coordinator. You may also consult our list of IPSA-Certified Surrogate Partners

The Character of a Surrogate Partner

Although there are no specific academic degrees required of a surrogate partner, there are certain personal qualities and life experiences that seem to provide a valuable foundation for surrogate partner skills. These include intelligence, compassion, warmth, comfort sharing one’s own body and sexuality, empathy, patience, knowledge of sex therapy principles and practices, and good communication skills. Non-judgmental attitudes toward sexual orientation, choice of lifestyle, and consensual sexual activities are also highly important.

Gender and Sexual Orientation

Surrogate partners work with clients of all sexual orientations and genders. Gender and sexual orientation are often a consideration when the client’s difficulties present at the intersection of emotional intimacy and sexuality, and the intention of the therapy is to create experiential learning at that intersection. Some clients choose to begin working with a surrogate who participates as a role model or coach rather than as an intimate partner, especially when the client is primarily addressing negative body image, intense phobias, a history of sexual trauma, or when a surrogate partner of the desired gender and sexual orientation is not available in the client's location.” -IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association. https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/choosing-a-surrogate

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“Who Needs Surrogate Partner Therapy?

The problems that motivate clients to seek Surrogate Partner Therapy range from general anxiety in social situations to specific sexual dysfunctions. Concerns for any gender might result from one of the following:

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Negative body image or physical disfigurement

Medical conditions

Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse and/or trauma (rape or incest, for instance)

Intimacy issues

Phobias and anxieties

Unresolved relationship trauma

Confusion about sexual orientation

Lack of social or sexual self-confidence.

Sexual concerns may include:

Orgasmic inhibition

Genital or pelvic pain

Avoidance of physical and/or emotional intimacy

Lack of experience due to anxious avoidance.

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Common sexual issues for male clients include:

Erection difficulties (ED)

Rapid ejaculation (PE)

Ejaculatory inhibition.

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Female clients’ sexual issues might include:

Vaginismus (involuntary contraction of vaginal muscles resulting in painful penetration)

Vulvodynia

Limited or non-existent orgasms

Clients of any gender may seek therapy to address problems relating to

Fear and avoidance of sexual and emotional intimacy

Lack of relationship experience

Shame or anxiety regarding sex

Low arousal or lack of sexual desire.” IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association.)

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“Autism moms don’t want a man that is dishonest, deceiving, fraudulent, double-dealing, backbiting, treacherous, deceitful, cunning, sneaky, tricky, wily, deceptive, misleading, elusive, slippery, shady, swindling, cheating, sneaking, traitorous, villainous, sinister, underhanded, two-timing, two-faced, double-crossing, unprincipled, disreputable, questionable, dishonorable, counterfeit, infamous, corrupt, immoral, discredited, unworthy, shabby, mean, low, venial, self-serving, contemptible, rotten, fishy, crooked, false, and lying. They want an honest, irreproachable, scrupulous man.” -Antonio Myers

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“When it comes to my sexual past, I no longer feel guilt, shame, worry, fear, condemned, sentenced, doomed, incriminated, indicted, judged, and damned. I feel relaxed, untroubled, freedom, liberation, acquitted, at ease, breathing easily, and released.” -Antonio Myers.

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“Autism moms are sensitized to rudeness, discourtesy, bad manners, vulgarity, incivility, impoliteness, impudence, disrespect, misbehavior, barbarity, ungentlemanliness, unmannerliness, ill-breeding, crudity, brutality, barbarism, tactlessness, boorishness, unbecoming conduct, conduct not becoming a gentleman, crudeness, effrontery, impertinence, insolence, audacity, the warped version of boldness, the warped version of shamelessness, presumption, officious ness, intrusiveness, brazenness, sauciness, defiance, contempt, back talk, ill-temper, irritability, disdain, bitterness, sharpness, unkindness, ungraciousness, harshness, gall, sass, lip, nerve, brass, and cheek.” -Antonio Myers.

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