Too Into You

Why do people stay in relationships that hurt them? This month on the Too Into You Podcast, we dive into the complex links between love, shame, and trauma.

Mary is flying solo for this episode while Madeline is away, but she’s joined by Suzanna Knight and Niamh Wilson from Women’s Aid’s Training Department. With over 30 years’ combined experience, they’re experts in coercive control and the impact of trauma in intimate relationships.

Together, we unpack what a trauma bond really is, how shame keeps people feeling stuck, and why leaving an abusive relationship is never as simple as “just walking away.”

We’ll explore:

If you’ve ever wondered “Why didn’t they leave?” or asked yourself “Why do I feel this way?”, this episode will give you real answers, and remind you that you’re not alone.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram, and don’t forget to leave us a review and comment.

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

03:19 – What is trauma?

06:49 - Fight, flight and freeze – Why Your Body Reacts This Way

16.45 – How abusers use shame to keep you trapped

25.51 – Trauma Bonds: Why Leaving Isn’t Simple

28.49 – Why do people control their partners?

31.48 – Healing: The antidote to trauma and shame

TW: Episode mentions suicide, suicidal ideation, image based sexual abuse, sexual abuse, coercive control.

In this powerful episode of Too Into You, host Mary Hayes sits down with Alexandra Ryan, award winning journalist, law graduate, founder and CEO of Goss.ie and survivor of image based sexual abuse.

When Ali was 25, she was filmed, without her knowledge or consent, having sex with a man she knew and trusted. She bravely shared her story on Goss.ie and has gone on to advocate for survivors of image based sexual abuse. Ali now acts as an Ambassador for the Department for the Justice and helped them launch a campaign to combat the sharing of intimate images without consent.

In this episode, we talk about:

If someone shares or even threatens to share explicit images or videos of you without your permission, this is image based sexual abuse and it is a crime.

If this has happened to you, you can:

Read Ali’s full story here: https://goss.ie/gallery/featured-2-the-truth-about-my-sex-tape-by-alexandra-ryan-232458-232458

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram, and don’t forget to leave us a review and comment.

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

01:40 – Who is Ali Ryan?

09:23 – Ali’s story and the impact of image based sexual abuse

22:46 – The truth about ‘revenge porn’

26:12 – Taking back control and going public

29:32 – Pressure, porn and consent 

37:00 – Shifting the public conversation

47.29 – A message of hope for anyone affected

49:49 – Episode wrap up with Madeline Campbell

Ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells in your relationship? Or like your partner blames for their actions? Or like things are moving way too fast in the honeymoon stage?

You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.

In this episode of the Too Into You podcast, we break down emotional abuse in young relationships, what it is, how it shows up, and why it’s so harmful.

We dive into the early red flags like love bombing, gaslighting, negging, and isolation, and explore how they chip away at your confidence and leave you feeling confused, anxious, or stuck.

Whether you’re in a relationship, just getting out of one, or want to help a friend, this episode is here to remind you: real love doesn’t make you feel small.

Because emotional abuse is real, it’s serious, and you deserve better.

TW: Episode mentions domestic abuse, emotional abuse, intimate partner abuse, physical abuse and financial abuse.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram.

Chapters

00:00 Intro

02:16 What is Emotional Abuse?

06:20 What is Love bombing?

15:00 What is Gaslighting?

26:10 What is Negging?

31:41 What about Isolation

Thinking about reaching out for help but not sure what to expect? In this episode, we chat Linda Smith, Head of National Helpline Services, and Eavan Ward, Head of Regional Services, from Women’s Aid to break down what actually happens when you ask for support.

We break down:

Whether you’re in a relationship that feels off, worried about a friend, or just unsure if what you're experiencing is OK—this episode is for you. No judgment, no pressure—just honest answers.

TW: Episode mentions domestic abuse, emotional abuse, intimate partner abuse, physical abuse and financial abuse.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram.

Chapters:

04:35 Are the support services right for me?

07:53 “My situation isn’t bad enough” and “ I don’t want to take time from someone who really needs it.”

11:13 What are the things people ask about on the helpline?

13:18 Staying together for the kids?

17:17 If I call Women’s Aid, will they just tell me to break up?

18:30 What happens when I call the Helpline? What will I be asked?

23:18 What to expect from an appointment with Women’s Aid?

25:33 What is the Drop in Service? How to get a Protection Order?

28:28 What to expect when you go to the Gardaí?

31:03 How to gather evidence of abuse

34:54 A message of hope for you

37:27 Episode chat with Madeline Campbell

On this episode, we chat to James O’Hagan from LGBT Ireland. James coordinates the LGBTQI+ Intimate Partner Violence Network.

We’ll be chatting about things like:

- Does abuse happen in LGBTQ+ relationships?

- What are the red flags of abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships?

- What does a healthy queer relationship look like?

- Where can young LGBTQ+ people find support?

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Remember, if you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Contact LGBT Ireland:

Don’t forget to give us a 5 star rating and leave a comment   

Chapters

We’re answering your questions about dating and relationships, intimate partner abuse, and what healthy love really looks like.

The Too Into You team – Mary and Madeline – chat through the questions you’ve sent us like:

·         We’ve got problems, but what if they promise to change?

·         How do I avoid narcissists and narcissistic abuse?

·         My friend won’t leave their toxic relationship, what do I do?

Remember, if you are worried about your own relationship or a friend’s:

- Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900

- Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

Both are completely free and confidential. Whatever your questions might be, we’re here to help.

Take the Relationship Quiz to see if yours is healthy or not: https://www.toointoyou.ie/relationships/quiz/

Make sure you’re following us on social media:

TikTok: @toointoyou_

Instagram: @toointoyou

Don’t forget to subscribe, give us a 5 star rating and leave a comment, it helps us a lot!

Chapters

On this episode, we chat to Sarah Monaghan from the We Consent. We-Consent is a long-term national campaign, run by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, to inform, educate and engage with all members of society about consent.

We’ll be chatting about things like:

- What is consent?

- How can consent make sex more enjoyable?

- What is sexual violence?

- What to do if it happens to you?

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Remember, if you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Contact Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (available nationwide)

Chapters

On this episode, the Too Into You team - Mary and Madeline - break down myths and misconceptions about abuse. 

We’ll be answering questions like:

- Does abuse go both ways?

- ⁠Why didn’t they just leave?

- ⁠Is abuse just physical? 

Remember, if you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

 • Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

 • Chat for support at toointoyou.ie 

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz to see if yours is healthy or not: https://www.toointoyou.ie/relationships/quiz/

Chapters

On this episode, we are joined by Jody Duggan. From the ages to 17 to 19, Jody was abused by her now convicted ex-partner Jake Boles.

Jody is now an Ambassador for the Too Into You campaign and bravely shares her story so other young women feel less alone.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz to see if yours is healthy or not: https://www.toointoyou.ie/relationships/quiz/

Chapters

For our first episode, we are joined by Keelin Moncrieff. Keelin is a writer, podcaster and mother of one. She has created an inclusive and supportive community across her channels, where she talks about everything from books, to sustainable fashion, food and self-care.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz to see if yours is healthy or not: https://www.toointoyou.ie/relationships/quiz/

Chapters