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In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn explores one of the most confusing and isolating experiences for anyone who struggles with jealousy: watching a secure person stay completely calm in a situation that would send you into a spiral.

 

Starting with a vivid poolside story that will feel painfully relatable, Shanenn breaks down why secure people aren’t blind to what’s happening around them—they just don’t assign the same meaning to it. She explains how your brain builds stories based on its existing “library” of past experiences, fears, and beliefs about yourself, and why that library is the real difference between jealousy and security.

Plus, she introduces a powerful new tool—the Meaning Audit—three simple questions you can use to interrupt the spiral and start thinking like the secure person you’re becoming.

Golden Episode Nuggets:

 

💎  Secure people see the same things you do—they just don’t assign the same meaning to them

 

💎  Your brain is a meaning-making machine and it pulls from your existing library of fears, wounds, and beliefs

 

💎  True security comes from trusting yourself to handle whatever comes, not from guaranteeing your partner will never hurt you

 

💎  The spiral isn’t about the photo or the party, it’s about the fear underneath

 

💎  Security isn’t a personality trait.  It’s a skill, and it’s learnable

 

Quote of the Episode:

“Your jealousy is not the enemy. It’s been trying to protect you from the things that scared you the most. But at some point, that protection has become a prison. And you deserve to be free.” – Shanenn Bryant

 

📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one meaning you’ve caught yourself assigning that turned out to be wrong?

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll Today for 30 Days to Different

Does your relationship feel… quieter lately?
 The butterflies are gone. The texts are shorter. Affection feels different. And now your brain is spiraling:

Did they lose interest?
Is this my fault?
Is the spark gone?

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down what’s actually happening when the intensity fades in a long-term relationship — especially if you struggle with jealousy, insecurity, or fear of abandonment.

You’ll learn why early love feels intoxicating, why that high is biologically designed to fade, and why the loss of “spark” doesn’t mean loss of love. For many anxious or jealous partners, this phase is when insecurity spikes — not because the relationship is failing, but because the nervous system is finally no longer distracted.

This episode will help you stop catastrophizing calm, understand your attachment system, and learn how to build security without needing constant reassurance.

Key Moments

• 1:00 – The questions everyone asks when the spark fades
• 2:20 – Why early love feels addictive (and why it can’t last)
• 7:00 – The shift from dopamine to oxytocin explained simply
• 10:00 – Why calm love can trigger anxiety and jealousy
• 13:30 – How hypervigilance replaces excitement
• 17:50 – Why jealousy often peaks after commitment
• 22:00 – When “boring” is actually emotional safety
• 25:00 – Why leaving too soon repeats the same cycle
• 27:20 – Stop chasing the spark — start building inner security

Golden Episode Nuggets

💎 The spark fading is a biological transition, not a red flag
💎 Early love distracts you from insecurity — it doesn’t heal it
💎 Calm can feel unsafe if your nervous system learned love through chaos
💎 Jealousy often increases when things stabilize
💎 You don’t need more reassurance — you need more internal safety

Resources Mentioned

• 30 Days to Different – Learn how to regulate your nervous system, rebuild emotional safety, and stop spiraling in your relationship
 

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋. 30 Days to Different is starting soon - ENROLL TODAY

Insecurity doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers lies that keep us stuck.

In this solo episode, Shanenn unpacks the three most convincing lies insecurity tells you—and why they feel so real even when they’re not. Whether it’s the urge to check their phone, overanalyze tone, or control every detail in your relationship… this episode will help you finally understand what’s really driving that behavior and how to stop reacting from fear.

This one is for the insecure person who’s exhausted from bracing for betrayal and ready to come home to herself.

🧠 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

✔️ Why “staying alert” doesn’t actually protect you
 ✔️ How strong emotions can lie to you
 ✔️ Why control is a false sense of peace
 ✔️ The one mindset shift that rewires your inner safety
 ✔️ How to respond to triggers without spiraling

🔥 GOLDEN EPISODE NUGGETS:

💎 You can’t out-alert life—but you can trust that you’ll handle what comes
💎 Feeling something intensely doesn’t make it true
💎 Control doesn’t create safety—it creates stress
💎 Trust is built by showing yourself you can survive discomfort
💎 You’ve handled hard things before. You can handle this too

⏰ TIMESTAMPS:

[00:00] A PB&J story that shows how deep-rooted patterns shape us
[05:45] Why insecurity feels like your identity
[07:37] Lie #1: “If I don’t stay alert, I’ll get hurt”
[13:21] Why hypervigilance robs you of peace
[18:23] Lie #2: “If I feel this strongly, it must be true”
[24:59] How emotional urgency leads to overreaction
[31:16] Lie #3: “If I control more, I’ll finally feel secure”
[36:30] The truth: You don’t need more control—you need more trust
[39:04] Final reframe to anchor self-trust

🧭 RESOURCES & LINKS:

🎯 30 Days to Different – Registration Now Open!
Ready to stop spiraling and start self-trusting? Join Shanenn’s daily support container to process emotions without the panic.
→ JOIN NOW

📝 LEAVE A REVIEW:

If this episode gave you a truthbomb or breakthrough, would you leave a review? It helps other women find these tools too.

💬 What’s a lie insecurity has told you? Drop it in your review or DM Shanenn on Instagram @topselfco

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations, spiraling into insecurity, or feeling something is wrong but you can’t quite name it—this episode is for you.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Annette Furio, founder of Season Journals, to talk about how journaling can help you slow down, make sense of your thoughts, and create space between what you feel and how you react.

f your brain feels loud or stuck, this episode is about giving those thoughts somewhere to go so you can think more clearly.

Together, Shanenn and Annette break down why your brain gets stuck on repeat, how journaling helps close mental loops, and how even five minutes can shift your clarity, emotional regulation, and self-awareness.

Golden Episode Nuggets

💎 Your brain keeps looping because thoughts feel unfinished
 💎 Writing forces your mind to slow down and complete thoughts
 💎 Journaling creates space between emotion and reaction
 💎 You don’t need consistency—you need permission to start
 💎 Gratitude journaling is one of the fastest ways to shift your mindset

Key Moments

· 2:00 – Why unfinished thoughts keep looping in your mind
· 4:00 – How writing slows your brain and creates emotional space
· 6:30 – Why journaling doesn’t have to be daily to work
· 9:30 – How journaling helps you spot patterns in jealousy and insecurity
· 12:00 – Looking back at old entries to see growth (or stuck points)
· 20:45 – The easiest way to journal when you only have five minutes
· 24:00 – Why journaling should never feel like another chore

About Our Guest

Annette Furio is the founder of Season Journals, a brand focused on helping people strengthen their relationship with themselves and others through intentional journaling. Since launching in 2020, Annette has created guided journals for major life seasons—including engagement, marriage, pregnancy, and everyday wellbeing.

Her journals are designed to be both keepsakes and tools, helping people document their lives while also working through challenges with clarity and intention.

Resources Mentioned

Season Journals – Guided Journals for Life’s Seasons
 Available at seasonjournals.com and on Amazon

Quote of the Episode

“Journaling puts space between what you feel and how you respond.” – Annette Furio

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year:

Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed?

As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings don’t mean you’re inconsistent, broken, or ignoring red flags. Instead, they’re signals from your nervous system responding to changing conditions—not changing relationship facts.

This episode offers a powerful reframe that removes shame, self-blame, and overthinking—and replaces them with clarity, self-trust, and nervous-system awareness so you can stop turning emotions into verdicts about your relationship.

Key Moments:

• 1:45 – Why the holidays can make anxiety spike even in “good” relationships
• 3:50 – The core truth: calm and anxiety come from your nervous system, not your partner
• 6:40 – Why feeling calm doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or fixed
• 9:00 – What’s really happening when you start scanning, spiraling, or overthinking
• 11:30 – Why emotions are signals of state—not proof of truth
• 13:45 – The shift that helps anxiety soften without controlling your environment

Golden Episode Nuggets:

💎 Calm and anxiety can exist in the same relationship without either one being “the truth”

💎 You didn’t lose trust—you lost nervous system capacity

💎 Emotional states are signals, not verdicts about your relationship

💎 Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner

💎 Regulation comes from working with your nervous system, not fighting it

Quote of the Episode:

“Your ability to feel calm, trusting, and connected isn’t created by the person in front of you. It’s created by the state your nervous system is in.”

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Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions.

If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface.

Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react 

Golden Episode Nuggets

💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you
 💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness
 💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance
 💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power
 💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong
 💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a time

Key Moments

• 2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment”
• 4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up
• 7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not)
• 9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you
• 12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much”
• 16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through
• 18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals
• 20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions
• 24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real time

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Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection.

Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachment
• How childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousy
• What emotional reprogramming looks like in practice
• Why inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essential
• A powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationships

GOLDEN NUGGETS:

• You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth.
• Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you.
• You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection.
• Emotional healing > intellectual awareness.
• When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment.

GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved."

PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO...

• Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needs
• Struggle with anxious or insecure attachment styles
• Want to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in love
• Are tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worth
• Crave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationships

Loved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child.

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋   Join the experience - enroll in 30 Days to Different today!

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again.

Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe.

This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe.

Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive pain
• You don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstances
• You can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it before
• The most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?”
• New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different

🗝️ Key Moments:

• 1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival
• 3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating
• 6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale)
• 13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break
• 17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability
• 25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters)
• 27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently
• 28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out

🔥 Want to Go Deeper?

30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment!
If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment.
✔ Daily mindset rewires
✔ 6 live Zoom sessions
✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools
 

🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com
or scroll down to the show notes to click the link!

🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who:

• Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habits
• Want to understand why they keep reacting the same way
• Are ready to replace old patterns with better ones
• Need real talk, not perfection talk
• Want

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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your Discovery Call here

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”

The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.

If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.

You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
• Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
• If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
• You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
• Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.

💡 Key Moments:

• 2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
• 6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
• 10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
• 13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
• 17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
• 22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
• 30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
• 33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
• 38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”

❤️ Quote of the Episode:

“Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.”

🧠 Resources Mentioned:

• Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here

✨ Perfect for listeners who:

• Break up and get back together on repeat
• Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships
• Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone
• Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear
• Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns

🔥 Call to Action:

If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and

Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe!

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call

In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:

“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”

From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.

She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.

This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.

💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:

• Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguise
• Hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategy
• Your brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearn
• Without jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life back
• That confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting

🔑 Key Moments:

• 1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open
• 5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for
• 10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection
• 14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard
• 20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?
• 27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building
• 36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained
• 41:00 – Create your own security protocol
• 44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off
• 46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again

💖 Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personality
• Replay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for clues
• Want to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peace
• Crave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear

Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe!

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.