Torture Cinema

Scientology theories, nipple jackets, and, oh my god, is that Shaun singing?! This month, we honestly don’t know how to describe the bizarre twists and turns the conversation takes as Megan O’Keefe joins Shaun, Paul, and Jen to discuss the fairly maligned 2002 goth-wet dream, Queen of the Damned. Basically, the only reason to watch this movie is Aaliyah, because Lestat is an anemic, no-chinned creeper.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 325 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

 

* Queen of the Damned (2002)(IMDB)

* Megan O’Keefe’s Stuff:

* Megan’s Website

* Megan on Twitter

* Inherit the Flame: Sands of Aransa Book III

Our new intro music comes “The Launch” by Chronox (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Baby taxis, french insults, and white messiahs, oh my! This month, in the most french episode we’ve ever had, Alex, Julia, David, and special guest, DongWon Song, review the problem-plagued film, Babylon AD. We’re pretty sure that this episode of Torture Cinema contains more action than Michelle Yeoh gets in the entire movie. Seriously. Michelle fucking Yeoh.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 322 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

* Babylon A.D. (2003)(IMDB)

* DongWon Song’s Stuff:

* His Website

* His Twitter

* Howard Morhaim Literary Agency

Our new intro music comes “The Launch” by Chronox (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Magical geodes, giant tumors, and drill-dos, oh my! This month in a hilarious edition of Torture Cinema we visit the 2003 scientific masterpiece, The Core, which was chosen by our completely unbiased listeners with absolutely no help from certain members of the Skiffy and Fanty Team and in NO WAY influenced by the fact that we have our own resident geologist, Alex, to spoil all our ignorant fun. Come for the laughter, stay for the geology lecture.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 319 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

* The Core (2003)(IMDB)

Our new intro music comes “The Launch” by Chronox (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Stretchy weirdos, grumpy CEOs, and clobberin’, oh my! Torture Cinema returns with a special Marvel-icious edition, as selected by our listeners and co-starring none other than veteran Torture Goblin, Michael J. Martinez. We turn our sights to the infamous first Fantastic Four (2005) film, tackling its portrayal of the classic characters, its absurd plot, and much more. We also wonder what the deal is with Mr. Fantastic’s weird arms!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 316 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

* Fantastic Four (2005)(IMDB)

* Michael J. Martinez’s Stuff:

* Mike’s Website

* MJ-12: Inception (Mike’s lateast novel from Night Shade Books)

* Mike’s Twitter

For those that cannot listen to podcasts or prefer a written format, you can read the transcript below:

You can click the “pop out” icon in the top right OR click over to the main page to download the transcript in PDF format.

Our new intro music comes “The Launch” by Chronox (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Creepy statue babies, bad psychology, and evil old dudes, oh my! In this special edition of Torture Cinema, the crew punishes themselves by watching 1999’s sleeperfest, The Haunting. You voted for it, so we watched it!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 310 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

The Haunting (IMDB)

 

Our new intro music comes “Nocturnia” by Psychadelik Pedestrian (CC BY 3.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Slobbering dogs, candy canes, and winter shenanigans, oh my! In this very special holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Jen, Paul, Julia, and Alex put their animal love to the test with Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure (2011).

Happy holidays, everyone! We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 307 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure (IMDB)

Our new intro music comes “Nocturnia” by Psychadelik Pedestrian (CC BY 3.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Weird genetics, floating sperm banks, and face kicks, oh my! In our latest Torture Cinema episode, the crew tackles the infamous 2005 adaptation of Aeon Flux. Needless to say, we had a bit of fun with this one!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 306 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

Aeon Flux (IMDB)

Our new intro music comes “Nocturnia” by Psychadelik Pedestrian (CC BY 3.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Eggs, squid, and bad dreams, oh my!  Our latest listener-directed Torture Cinema episode has finally arrived.  This time, we discuss the infamous adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Sphere starring Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, and more!  At least two of us have a bit of a rant about this movie, so you should expect some pure, unadulterated Skiffy and Fanty rage in this episode!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 298 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

Sphere (IMDB)

Our new intro music comes “Nocturnia” by Psychadelik Pedestrian (CC BY 3.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Gorvilles, LARPing, and Tom Hanks, oh my!  In our much delayed first Torture for the year, the entire crew joins forces to tackle the infamous anti-D&D TV movie, Mazes and Monsters.  And boy did this one get away from us.  I think the best way to describe this episode is with a gif:

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 294 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

Mazes and Monsters (IMDB)

Mazes and Monsters by Rona Jaffe

 

Our new intro music comes “Nocturnia” by Psychadelik Pedestrian (CC BY 3.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.

Elf special ops, killer hot cocoa, and reindeer, oh my!  The holidays are here, and no holiday would be complete without a holiday-themed Torture Cinema episode.  In our final episode of the season, we tackle 1994’s Tim Allen venture, The Santa Clause.  From kickass elves to creepy child kidnappings to the wonderful joy of the Christmas spirit, we’ve got plenty to say about this supposedly awful movie!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel free to email us with your thoughts about the show!

Here’s the episode (show notes are below):

Episode 289 — Download (MP3)

Show Notes:

The Santa Clause (1994)(IMDB)

Our new intro music is “Time Flux” by Revolution Void (CC BY 3.0).

That’s all, folks!  Thanks for listening.  See you next week.