Torture Cinema

Ape men, nicked bits, and shirtless Sorbo, oh my! Shaun, Stephen, and Daniel join forces to fulfill their dudetastic Torture Cinema destiny by discussing 1997’s Kull the Conqueror (starring Hercules). They discuss the history behind the film, why it fails miserably at just about everything (action, romance, adventure, carefully crafted plots), and what it’s like to contemplate Kevin Sorbo’s bedroom abilities. We’re sorry about this one, folks, but our Patreon supports picked it, and we are bound by honor and blood to fulfill our sacred duties.

Join us for this special dudetastic discussion of one of the most horrifically awful action movies of all time! We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Kull the Conqueror (IMDb)

* Kull the Conqueror (Wikipedia)

If you have a question you’d like us to answer, feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Rock Thing” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Canadian Geese, foot fetishes, and vest clones, oh my! Shaun, Jen, David, and Trang, in her first ever Skiffy and Fanty Podcast appearance, discuss the 1973 Hammer Film Productions classic(?), The Satanic Rites of Dracula! The last time that Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee would reprise their roles as Van Helsing and Dracula together. Thankfully, David is here to do some legitimate film criticism and teach us all about the history of these characters, horror films of the 70s, and more, because otherwise this podcast would have degenerated into a series of very bad jokes. Also, Shaun gets depressed about Canadian politics, Trang is jealous of Peter Cushing’s cheeks, and Jen yells at Shaun a lot.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) (IMDb)

* The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) (Wikipedia)

If you have a question you’d like us to answer, feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Rock Thing” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Superman 4, motorcycle gangs, and *eye twitch* tentacle monsters, oh my! This episode exists thanks to the hardwork and determination of our lovely patron, Joseph. Thank you, Joseph, for repeatedly insisting that we watch the 1975 film, Super Inframan!! This Shaw Brothers Studio Production sought to capitalize on the tokusatsu craze in Japan, borrowing tropes, music, and more from tokusatsu series like Kamen Rider and Ultraman. With that in mind, Brandon, one of our resident tokusatsu experts with a new podcast series in the Skiffy and Fanty family focusing on Kamen Rider, Righteous Kicks (with co-host Iori Kusano), joins Jen and Paul to talk about this “3 stars from Roger Ebert” rated film. No, we don’t know why Roger Ebert gave it three stars, but he must have had a reason. There ends up being quite a bit to talk about, including the relative intelligence of the villain, the wide variety of monsters, how She-Demon was totally wasted, and why we all want an Infragirl movie.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Infra-Man (1975) (IMDb)

* The Super Inframan (1975) (Wikipedia)

* Righteous Kicks

If you have a question you’d like us to answer, feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Rock Thing” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Pink bodysuits, the bisexual 80s, and legs that go on forever, oh my! Today on Torture Cinema, Paul, Alex, and Daniel review the (not so) particularly beloved 1980s fantasy musical, Xanadu! The film also has the distinction of being Gene Kelly’s last picture, so nobody can be too mad at it. If you love camp and ELO (Paul and Alex will fight you on this), then you too might truly love this movie. If you don’t, then you just might have a few things in common with at least some of our hosts.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Xanadu (1980)(IMDb)

If you have a question you’d like us to answer, feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Rock Thing” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Darkspawn, shiny noses, and a new sex term, oh my! This one is DEFINITELY NSFW folks! Somehow the team, comprised of Shaun, Jen, Paul, and Becca, managed to turn this family friendly film into a total raunch fest. Proceed with caution. You have been warned!

As with every Holiday Special, the crew brings a heavy dose of absurd and downright silly comedy to an otherwise totally normal discussion of film. They list the virtues and miraculousness of eye-liner, tackle some racist fantasy tropes, rip into a few dropped plot-lines, and wander aimlessly through the confusing logic behind the dragons in a movie about Scottish Santa and his almost-Johnny-Depp son.

We hope you enjoy the episode and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Show Notes:

* The Christmas Dragon(2014)(IMDb)

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Happy trails, Office Building Prime, and proto-Katniss, oh my! So, you know how the first Blade movie was actually kind of awesome and we all went crazy for the killer daywalker with a badass cloak, giant fangs, and the most country sidekick this side of the Mississippi? Well, if you do, we implore you not to watch this one. Jen, Becca, and Paul turn a humorous, critical eye to the final film in the Blade series, Blade: Trinity. They talk character the new cast, character deaths, the Sumerian demon inspired Dracula, alien dogs, and Parker Posey in pumps. It may be a horrific hodge-podge of unfinished plotlines with representation problems, but it’s not the worst Wesley-Snipes-as-undead-guy-fighting-undead-guys movie that we’ve seen this year…

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Blade: Trinity (2004)(IMDb)

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Afros, magic “flutes,” and tokenism, oh my! Happy Halloween, everyone! Shaun, Jen, and Teri consulted with Tonia Thompson to select movies appropriate for a Halloween special during Black Speculative Fiction Month and she has suffered for it. We turn our drunken eyes to Leprechaun in the Hood, a movie that can be best described as everything BAD about representation with a side of WHY. We discuss how the film approaches representation (of so many different peoples), its absurd take on rap and gang culture, and even Leprechauns. And, yeah, we give some love to Warwick Davis, too. In the end, one question remains:  is this the worst Torture Cinema movie of all time? Listen to find out!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)(IMDb)

* Tonia Thompson’s Things:

* Tonia’s Website

* Tonia on Twitter

* Nightlight Podcast (GO LISTEN!)

* Nightlight on Twitter

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Crystal lasers, pig people, and recycled costumes, oh my! In today’s episode of Torture Cinema, Paul, Alex, Daniel, and the prodigal son, Shaun, gather together to make absolutely sure that the destroyed civilization of Atlantis stays destroyed as they review the disastrous George Pal 1961 disaster movie, Atlantis: The Lost Continent. The team discusses everything from the shoddy world-building, the shaky special effects, the lazy misogyny, and the fact that this movie fails the Bechdel-Wallace test SO BAD that it technically couldn’t even hope to pass it. This movie is apparently so awful that even the director hated it, but Paul is such a clever salesperson that you might actually want to see it by the end of this podcast. Just don’t listen to Shaun. It’s not THAT bad. Really, we swear. (Don’t listen to the narrator of these posts. The movie is totally awful. –Shaun)

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Atlantis: The Lost Continent (1961)(IMDb)

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Lizard tails, Hellraiser, and bad Spanish, oh my! In today’s episode of Torture Cinema, Jen, Paul, and Alex are joined by the wonderful Tonia Thompson, founder of Nightlight Podcast, to talk about a film that should probably be thrown into the nearest hellmouth (except it’s SO PRETTY)! The group covers everything from the terrible script to the terrible plotting to the terrible use of some Western tropes to the… everything is terrible, honestly. If I tell you all of it, this would be a really long post when really you should just get to the episode! And at least some folks got paid for making this movie, so it’s not ALL bad.

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Gallowwalkers (2012)(IMDb)

* Tonia’s Website

* Tonia’s Twitter

* Nightlight Podcast

* Nightlight Podcast on Twitter

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.

Toads, Sam Elliot’s missing mustache, and weaponized Spanish moss, oh my! In today’s hoptastic episode, Alex, Paul, David, and special guest Michael J. Martinez try to drain the swamp of the southern patriarchy as they discuss the 1972 “killer” amphibian classic, Frogs. From leapless pacing, stagnant antagonists, and horribbitless story (all the terror of fluffy bunnies… less, really, at least fluffy bunnies have teeth), this is one worth throwing back to the lilypads. Come for the man pelts, stay for the fantastic lesson on early killer wildlife horror films (David has a ton of suggestions for further/better viewing)!

We hope you enjoy the episode!

Show Notes:

* Frogs (1972)(IMDb)

* Mike’s Website

* Mike’s Twitter

* Mike’s Books

Feel free to shoot us a message on our contact page.

Our new intro and outro music comes from “Dimension” by Creo (CC BY 4.0), which has been slightly modified to include sound effects and for length purposes.