TortureVision Television

TortureVision Presents Volume #2 of Minis, a compilation of episodes 8-14, for your consumption [Remo Williams (1985), The Baby (1973), American Gothic (1988), The Incredible 2 Headed Transplant (1971), Black Moon Rising (1986), Starcrash (1978), and The Twilight Zone S03E08].

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High school student Scott Howard (played by 23 year old Michael J. Fox) finds himself going through some very unique life changes. At first he believes his troubles to be (late) puberty, but they're soon revealed to be hereditary lycanthropy! He tries to hide his condition, for all of two minutes, but an unexpected transformation on the school basketball court reveals his unusual secret to the public. Now both Scott and the residents of Beacontown must find a way to deal with the cold, hard truth that werewolves exist!

TortureVision Rating: BAD

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

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Actor Julian Sands plays Dr. Nick Cavanaugh, a man who's sickly obsessed with a beautiful, but bitchy, woman named Helena, played by actress Sherilyn Fenn. Helena wants absolutely nothing to do with Nick, but fate sticks them together under the most bizarre circumstances.

TortureVision Rating: BAD

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

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Sylvester Stallone plays Gabe Walker, a park ranger that's part man and part mountain goat. Gabe works in the field of technical rescue, tasked with ensuring the safety of all mountain climbers and outdoor sportsmen within his jurisdiction. One day, while responding to a phony rescue call, Gabe (and his best enemy-friend, Hal) unwittingly become pawns in a criminal plot to steal money from the United States Government.

TortureVision Rating: BAD

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

Right-Click "Save As" to download .MP3!

Regretfully, we don't have time to write a summary for this week's episode. An earth-wide state of emergency has been declared, as water, power and many other civil services have been disrupted across the globe. The utter devastation caused by Kryptonian hands is still being assessed, as millions are presumed dead and early financial losses are estimated to be in the quattuordecillions.

TortureVision Rating: BAD

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

Right-Click "Save As" to download .MP3!

It took several decades, but little Ralph Macchio finally grew up! Too physically mature to continue playing a child in The Karate Kid films, the franchise had to revamp itself with Hilary Swank (as character Julie Pierce) in the titular role. After the death of her parents, Julie moves into her grandmother's home, only to be abandoned shortly thereafter. Mr. Miyagi takes it upon himself to raise the orphan child- much like he raised Daniel LaRusso. Also, because Julie's school is full of dangerous rapists, Miyagi reluctantly agrees to teach her some karate-based self-defense techniques.

TortureVision Rating: ABORTION

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

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Today we take a look at "7th Heaven," in light of Stephen Collins' recent child molestation allegations.

TortureVision Rating: ABORTION

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

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100% of all proceeds from the purchase/renting of Penance goes to the JAMES STOREHOUSE FOUNDATION for helping abused children transition into foster care from abusive homes. More information about this foundation can be found at www.jamesstorehouse.org

ABC Afterschool Specials S16E03 (The Day My Kid Went Punk)

Terry plays violin in his high school band, but it's the 1980's and classical music hasn't been cool for roughly 200 years. Terribly unpopular and desperate for some tail, Terry decides to trade in his ancient instrument for an electric guitar, and spruce up his dweeby appearance with a punk rock makeover.  This drastic metamorphosis receives mostly negative attention, however, since society is quick to judge “punkers” as trouble-making deviants.

TortureVision Rating: BAD

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

Right-Click "Save As" to download .MP3!

TortureVision Presents Volume #1 of Minis, a compilation of episodes 1-7, for your consumption (Linda and Abilene, Not of this Earth, Humanoids from the Deep, Urge to kill, Automan, The Gary Coleman Show S01E01, and Dinosaurs S04E07).

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A few characters you grew to love in Jurassic Park have returned for an unnecessary sequel, determined to ruin your opinions of them and shit upon your fond memories of the original film. In this dino-sized episode we take a look back at The Lost World, as well as discuss the JP franchise as a whole.

TortureVision Rating: ABORTION

Good features were better than expected. Bad features were awful, yet still enjoyable. Abortions were utter torment to sit through.

Right-Click "Save As" to download .MP3!