TOTAL MASSACRE

Perhaps you, like Rowan, Brian, and Dylan, have fond memories of 1998's action comedy hit RUSH HOUR. Jackie Chan holding up a vase! Chris Tucker saying funny things! Both guys singing James Brown! What's not to love? Well.....rewatching the movie gave us a lot of things that weren't those fond memories. Oopsie.

For the first film of Jet & Jackie January TOTAL MASSACRE heads back in time in China for ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA, a defining star turn for Jet Li that also influenced action movies for decades to come. Rowan is rejoined by Mike Williams and Brian Smawley to talk about the film which, perhaps more than any other we've covered, is great action scenes and pretty bad connective tissue.

What if Lethal Weapon was mean-spirited? What if pro football was on the verge of collapse from players shooting each other on the field? What if Bruce Willis wasn't charming? What if Shane Black cared about women in any way whatsoever? All the questions and more, answered by Rowan, Jay, and Chuck on the newest episode of TOTAL MASSACRE, on THE LAST BOY SCOUT.

Rowan, Carli, and Kev gather to check out a Patreon-recommended splatterfest, Tokyo Gore Police. It's...a lot. But it's also not enough, as we call it "a quarter of the way to a satire". Look, you're either clicking on a show called "Tokyo Gore Police" or not, I'm not sure what more I can add here.

Rowan, Carli, and Kev finally break the seal and cover....our first MCU movie, SHANG-CHI: LEGEND OF THE ETC ETC. Look, come on, it has Tony Leung, how could we not? He was in Hard Boiled! In the Mood for Love is Rowan's favorite movie! His eyes, man, his fucking eyes! Also there's MCU stuff and a guy with a knife-hand or whatever. Tony Leung!!!!

Rowan is joined by Jay Pullman and new guest Charles "Chuck Friendly" Moran to talk about Lethal Weapon, the buddy cop action movie to start all buddy cop action movies. We talk about the careers of Shane Black and Richard Donner, how good Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are, how evil Mel Gibson has become, the weird combination of copaganda and Vietnam guilt, and just how entertaining it all is.

Rowan felt like doing the sequel to Bourne so....we did it. Spy expert Christy Admiraal, Kev Koeser, and Jay Pullman dive into the Indian Ocean for a CIA thriller that questions whether Americans may be the baddies, provides a respectable fridging, and shakes the camera like it's a moneymaker.

Rowan is joined by Carli, Kev, and Dylan for a raucous late-night examination of Edgar Wright's 2010 cult hit SCOTT PILGRIM VERSUS THE WORLD. That cast! That style! Those jokes! That core romantic plot that doesn't actually work! Stories about our encounters with celebrity! And we also talk about the action occasionally or whatever.

Jean-Claude! John Woo! It's a match made in Hollywood heaven, with Woo's first American film, HARD TARGET. Rowan, Abby, and Dylan head to the Big Easy to talk about motorcycles, mullets, and when it's woke to hunt humans for sport!

Rowan is rejoined by Rob Zacny and Christy Admiraal for a discussion of 2012's SKYFALL. Rowan is very skeptical of James Bond, but loved half of this and hated the other half. See why she calls it the most morally reprehensible film we've covered yet! But also homoerotic spy shenanigans? Like the British Empire, SKYFALL is a land of contrasts.