Totes Pod

Wow, I just looked up “receive” and the first google result says, as part of the second definition:

“suffer, experience, or be subject to (specified treatment).”

WOW.

Now I need to also do an entire episode on how receiving is also suffering, haha!

Anyway- THIS episode is centered on a “letter from love” that I wrote to myself just now.

Please see:

Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters from Love Substack: https://elizabethgilbert.substack.com/p/welcome-to-letters-from-love

We Can Do Hard Things podcast episode with Liz Gilbert as guest where Abby Wombach reads her “letter from love” (Abby + Abi = yay!)…

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/47ZDTvAG9dGK1CMmL5Nekc

(This is episode #268)

Thanks for being here with me!

Lately I’ve noticed a large (or larger than I’d like) gap between how I care for others and how I care for myself. I put a tremendous amount of love and kindness into my efforts and words given to those I love, but when it comes to myself I’m often mean, harsh, and pushy. I’m really my own bully. This is a reminder for you and for me that we must see ourselves as worthy of love no matter what. Our self love must not be conditional. It’s not easy, it’s hard.

Disclaimer: I recorded this episode while on a walk in New York City, so the sound quality is not as good as I’d like it to be. This is my purposefully imperfect episode (I’m challenging myself, as a perfectionist, to be ok with real life and imperfection).

Thank you for being here! Please follow/subscribe and leave comments/rate the podcast! If you have suggestions for episode themes, please wrote them in your comment/review. Thank you!

Recently I’ve been telling someone I love very much that multiple things can be true, all at once. Even though it doesn’t feel that way, even though it feels hard and confusing. I’m now trying to tell this thing to myself. And to you.

Here are some references for things I’ve included in this episode:

Brené Brown quote (about joy) from Unlocking Us, episode about her book The Gifts of Imperfection (where she has a convo with her sisters about the book):

“The most vulnerable emotion that we experience, the one that really pricks us the most, is joy. Joy is a hard emotion to let ourselves experience.”

John Mulaney youtube clip, called “Psychologists Analyze Comics | John Mulaney Presents: Everybody's In L.A. | Netflix Is A Joke”: https://youtu.be/PkJ6gjKp8go

Getting supes intense about being an artist, since I am finally making it my highest priority in my life! Hope you enjoy. Thank you for being a Totes Pod fan.

Special love message !!

Plus, companion music video:

https://youtu.be/9WlYNGS_7Y4

Please listen to

the

very end. ❤️

Love,

Abi Totes

Caution:

This is an extremely intense message. If you feel it is too much, please pause. Know that I knew I had to tell these truths, though I am concerned it is too soon to reveal them to you.

It is also completely ok for any one of you to only hear part of it or only listen when you feel fully ready for it. 

I am patient (so I SAY) and I can wait however long it takes. At least I can promise I will do my best. This is everything that was broiling within me and needed to get out to you, but I could only say it in weird side shows and musical comedy pieces (and too many ridiculous texts about nothing useful) until now.

Now, here it is. My love for you.

I’m ill at having made this, yet I feel super strongly that the message, based in profound love, had to be shared. 

Please know I love each one of you and I want only for you to get to live your most fulfilling lives.

Perhaps it’s more painful for me to have created this than it is for you to hear it. I don’t know…

It legit feels like giving birth. So perhaps I’ve “simply” been pregnant with this MESSAGE… and all my fears about a human baby were for naught! (That would make things easier!)

Often the birth of something artistic feels like a real birth to me (as much as I can tell, being childless).

Please take my love, as best as you can, if you so choose, and know that I want to help you to live fully, to bask in the warmth of the sun, and to be expansive and whole.

I long to gift you an actual fulfilling life! One with joy and brilliance and fun and play!

It can all come at a painful cost, but if and when you make it through, you will be healed and the world will be pure magic … all possibilities will be open for you.

Still you will feel pain. Still you will be afraid. But you will be different, more capable. Things will be much easier for you. You will throw up less often!

I love you forever and ever. You may not want me, but I want and love you. I simply do. I simply love you with all of my heart and soul.

Though I hate to say his, I forgive you. For anything you have done, are doing, or will do in the future that hurts me. Forgiveness, love, bravery, and truth are everything. And we must never forget this. 

This is my heart, broken for you. So that you may heal and truly live. 

Go now in peace to love and serve others. Xoxo, or just be a Totes Pod fan!! Yay! And HAVE FUN!!! 

On this episode, I share the war going on between the MOTIVATOR part of me and the LITTLE ABI/THE EXHAUSTED ONE part of me. I also share my own "Letter from Love" inspired by the recent ritual of Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love; City of Girls; Big Magic; and so many more books), that I learned about from a recent podcast episode of We Can Do Hard Things.

I was also inspired to tell this story by a beautiful email and blog post by Kara Brook Brown, the owner and founder of Bee Inspired by Waxing Kara (beeinpsiredgoods.com). Bee Inspired has some of my most favorite (and coveted products), including my most favorite body butter, face masks (I'm obsessed with the Clarity Dry Mask), honey, honey lollipops, tea, candles and so much more. You must check it out. The blog post is found here: https://beeinspiredgoods.com/blogs/good-reads/cultivate-self-love

FYI this is not a sponsored podcast episode or anything. I just simply adore Bee Inspired (and love listening to We Can Do Hard Things) and wanted to share them with you!

Extra special thanks to my therapist for expert guidance and helping me learn to give space, room, acceptance, and love to every part of myself.

Hi there Totes Pod fans! It's been almost a year since I made an episode for you, so there's a lot of catching up to do. Basically, I live in Florida now, so I am telling you about what it's been like to adjust to this new land.

It turns out I've been putting a lot of people on pedestals, and I don't love this. I want to address this with you, as you may be one of the people I have put on a pedestal! I might even have you up on a pedestal right this very second. If so, I hope to change that and I endeavor to see you as a whole human being, rather than some majestic god or oracle.