Tournamental

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS: 

Missed connection: birdseed lady at No Frills. Ebony seeks ivory! Foot rub Jason. Missed connection: hot dog w/ cheese PNE brown guy. A pair of crystal pineapples. Unwanted animals. A 1940’s-era vintage rummoli game. 2 recorders. $4 Amish books. A $3,000 roller. A lifelike Siberian tiger replica. 185 winter cat huts. The super flowers of sisters. A melted Barbara Ann Scott doll. A $69,000 front-end loader. A $50,100 collection of ceremonial knives. 

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

THIS EPISODE'S CHARACTERS:

Truckasaurus Rex. The Pied Piper. No Neck Nash. Professor Pockets. Haley Atwell with a Shotgun. That Dumb Moriarty. Zombie Shamwow Guy. The Emotionator. Abe Froman. Blapso the Clown Gone Corporate. Darth Brooks. Bambie As Is. The Tedmonator. Horny Von Cornington. Baby Putin. Nickle with a Talking Beaver.

THIS EPISODE'S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

1. Who would you rather have as your implement of survival?

2. Who would you rather have as the back half of your horse costume?

3. Who would you rather have as your realtor?

4. Who would you rather dive in a bathysphere with?

THIS EPISODE'S CHARACTERS:

Truckasaurus Rex. The Pied Piper. No Neck Nash. Professor Pockets. Haley Atwell with a Shotgun. That Dumb Moriarty. Zombie Shamwow Guy. The Emotionator. Abe Froman. Blapso the Clown Gone Corporate. Darth Brooks. Bambie As Is. The Tedmonator. Horny Von Cornington. Baby Putin. Nickle with a Talking Beaver.

THIS EPISODE'S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

1. Who would you rather have as your implement of survival?

2. Who would you rather have as the back half of your horse costume?

3. Who would you rather have as your realtor?

4. Who would you rather dive in a bathysphere with?

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

100 naked Japanese men. Kamikaze Fozzy. Human tie-foon. Lucky the monkey. Codzilla. The karate goat. Feliz-tsunami-da. Hiro Nakamura. Geisha Danny DeVito. G-shin. Goku. Anpanman. SLIM (Smart Lander for Investigating Moon). Kazan. Doraemon. 

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

Who would win the following outrageous Japanese game show?Who would you rather have perform hara-kiri on you?Whose butt would you rather have to wipe (which is really a thing in sumo)?Who could wreak more havoc in a Godzilla-style rampage?

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

100 naked Japanese men. Kamikaze Fozzy. Human tie-foon. Lucky the monkey. Codzilla. The karate goat. Feliz-tsunami-da. Hiro Nakamura. Geisha Danny DeVito. G-shin. Goku. Anpanman. SLIM (Smart Lander for Investigating Moon). Kazan. Doraemon. 

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

This Episode's Characters:

KaFooLoo. Taffy Smothered Taylor Swift. The Lechador. Hansel and Klarp Klarp. Pennywise. You with a crows and Bose hose. The Lunchador. Boo Rad Bee. Yacko, Wacko, and Dot. John Wilkes Actual Booth. Lukador. Spl**ge McF*ck. Karen who is DTF. Straight Chimpin'. Jane Lynchador. Eight hammerhead sharks taped together. 

This Episode's Battle Scenarios:

1. Eight questions based on internet personality quizzes.

2. Who would you rather sail around the world on?

3. Which of these would be the worst companion at the movies?

4. Which character would you rather have emotionally berate you for the rest of your life?

This Episode's Characters:

KaFooLoo. Taffy Smothered Taylor Swift. The Lechador. Hansel and Klarp Klarp. Pennywise. You with a crows and Bose hose. The Lunchador. Boo Rad Bee. Yacko, Wacko, and Dot. John Wilkes Actual Booth. Lukador. Spl**ge McF*ck. Karen who is DTF. Straight Chimpin'. Jane Lynchador. Eight hammerhead sharks taped together. 

This Episode's Battle Scenarios:

1. Eight questions based on internet personality quizzes.

2. Who would you rather sail around the world on?

3. Which of these would be the worst companion at the movies?

4. Which character would you rather have emotionally berate you for the rest of your life?

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Jesus Pieces. Punches Malone. Orchids on a poor kid. Fitness Frida. Jay under mouse arrest. Everybody hates Jay. Canine Cam. A military-sized drum of dental tape. Simon Says. Catty caddy cat Kat. The Great Calamari. The Masked Magician. Pin Cushion Perry. Horse in a tube. Chicken Niblets. 

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

Who would win at the following lyric from “Lose Yourself” by Eminem?Who would win as a science fair project?Who would win in a fight on a tightrope?Whose garage sale would you rather spend $50 at?

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Jesus Pieces. Punches Malone. Orchids on a poor kid. Fitness Frida. Jay under mouse arrest. Everybody hates Jay. Canine Cam. A military-sized drum of dental tape. Simon Says. Catty caddy cat Kat. The Great Calamari. The Masked Magician. Pin Cushion Perry. Horse in a tube. Chicken Niblets. 

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

THIS EPISODE'S CHARACTERS:

Satan on a unicycle. Princess Peach. A group of twenty-somethings trying to find themselves. Tony Stork. Thelma and Luigi. Cole Trickle. Rain Man. Hasty Mrs Daytime. The Wild Hogs. California Brad. Hitchhiker Daryl. Bean There Done That. Daniel Simmons. Christine. Jack Kerouwang. Thelma and Louise. 

THIS EPISODE'S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

Who would you rather have as your road trip buddy in the following setting?Who would you rather Wrong Turn with?Who would chicken out in a game of chicken?Which character could better endure continuously watching the movie Crossroads?