Many survivors of domestic violence don’t realize they’re being abused until years have passed. They convince themselves it’s something else—a bad day at work, a short temper, too much to drink or deep-seated childhood wounds that therapy might heal. They hold onto hope that things will change. But then, a pattern emerges—unrelenting, undeniable. Promises are broken, help doesn’t stick and sobriety doesn’t bring peace.

Joan was one of those survivors. For nearly a decade, she rationalized her husband Michael’s behavior. It wasn’t until the night he came after their family with a knife that Joan knew she had to escape. She got out, saving herself and her two children, but what came next was just as harrowing: a court system that refused to protect her. Instead, it turned the blame on her.

This episode highlights Joan’s story and introduces the Family Violence Appellate Project, a nonprofit that helps survivors appeal unjust court decisions in California and Washington.

We want to hear from you. Do you have a story we need to discuss or a guest we should feature? Visit us at ToxicThePodcast.com and share your story.

If you’re experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please reach out to someone you trust. You can also connect with a trained advocate near you through DomesticShelters.org.

Finally, help us keep this conversation going. Share an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, or even the person next to you in line at the grocery store. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, and if you’re willing, leave us a review. Your support helps us amplify these critical stories.

Together, we can create change.

Deep breath. It's been a week. We come to you downtrodden and unshowered to commiserate in our feelings, all of which are valid. No dissection of Kamala's campaign, no grand plans for the future today — just acknowledgment that things are shitty but [hopefully] won't be forever because guess what? Women are strong as hell.

We're sorry that not enough white women knew the assignment. Black women, thank you once again for showing up. We have so much work to do to address racism, internalized misogyny and ignorance in our culture. We thought we were making some progress but LOLOLOL. 

Sigh. We'll make it, ladies. When DT speaks of the enemy within, let's raise our hands and say, "Present."

With the election TOMORROW (have you voted or made a plan to vote?) we had to discuss .... what is it about women having power that makes certain individuals (read: mostly men) so peeved? 

The idea of a woman in power intimidates and angers a certain group of people, by and large men, because it challenges cultural gender role norms. It disrupts the domestic power imbalance so carefully put in place by many organized religions. And it means that if women can do everything men can do [better], what's next? Will men start to be treated the same way they've treated us for centuries....? Gasp! Not that!

Let's talk a little history, a little misogyny and a little hot dish. 

Remember, YOUR VOTE MATTERS. Now more than ever. Get yer ass to the polls tomorrow and fill in those little ovals you patriotic people!  

As we approach our 100th episode of Toxic, we have a special favor to ask of you. If you enjoy the podcast, will you please take two minutes and rate and review us on whatever platform you're on? Did you know there are over 4.19 million podcasts in the world? You have more than a few to choose from. Which is why standing out as a little podcast like ours is rough. We believe we have important issues to discuss and women to fight for, so please help us by doing this one simple thing to elevate Toxic just a tad. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

In family courts around the country, judges are punishing protective parents who think it's not a swell idea for their abusive exes to have unfettered and unsupervised access to their children after a divorce. What sense does it make that the survivor parent gets to be free while the children do not? 

Protective parents, like Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins out of Colorado, are threatened, silenced and even jailed if they protest or dare to speak out publically about this injustice. Rachel, now out of jail and with her kids safe-ish, wants to tell us what happened in her own words and we're only too happy to give her the microphone. Remember that while Rachel's case received national attention, so many other survivors' stories never do. 

Apologies for the audio snafu around the 50-minute mark. It was mistakenly left in, so alas, it stays. #reallife

Do you want to tell your story on Toxic? Or, do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your equally angry friend, a random stranger in line to vote, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a [positive] review. We appreciate you. 

Make it make sense. Known pedophile, child porn distributor and trafficker Randy Volar is arrested by police in Kenosha, Wisc., in 2018. Hundreds of abuse videos of underage Black girls are found in his possession. He is released the same day without bond. Two months later, one of his victims, Chrystul Kizer, kills him. She's 17 and has been trafficked by him since she was 16. Last month, a Wisconsin judge sentenced her to 11 years behind bars. Her story is one of failures on all levels by society, adults and a system that did nothing to protect her. 

After we tell Chrystul's story, we welcome on Kelly Diane Galloway, president and founding director of Project Mona’s House, the only restorative shelter for survivors of human trafficking in the U.S., located in Buffalo, NY. This amazing advocate shares her insight into what went wrong here and why society is misunderstanding the nuances of trafficking. Because Chrystul is not alone — Cyntoia Brown, Pieper Lewis, Maryanne Atkins are just a few of the victims who chose to protect themselves from horrible men and were punished as a result. 

As we mention in the episode, if you want to send your support to Chrystul, she’s serving time at the Taycheedah Correctional Institution. You can send her letters to the address below, or visit penmateapp, which offers a few other options for sending mail to an inmate, like directly from your phone, for a small fee.

Chrystul Kizer, DOC #00675639Taycheedah Correctional Institution PO BOX 189 Phoenix, MD 21131

If you are experiencing human trafficking, consider reaching out to the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888, or visit HumanTraffickingHotline.org for more options.

If you are the victim of abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

It would help SO MUCH if you could spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your hair stylist, a random stranger in line at the DMV, etc.; by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media; or by leaving us a (positive) review. We appreciate you. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

This week's episode is not depressing! *Golf claps* Jenna and Amanda welcome psychologist and author Bonnie Zucker who wrote Take Control of OCD: A Kid's Guide to Conquering Anxiety and Managing OCD and Parenting Kids With OCD, among others, to talk about obsessive-compulsive disorder and how it particularly affects young people. While all genders are susceptible to this mental health obstacle, girls are more likely to be diagnosed earlier and at a higher risk overall. To what degree do our cultural norms play a part in perpetuating OCD symptoms? And what can you do if you or someone you know is struggling with compulsions? We've got answers. Well, Bonnie does. We're not psychologists. This is an episode you might want to actually listen to with your kids. 

Before we bring on our guest, Amanda gives a quick update to last week's episode on Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins, the protective mom and survivor who was sentenced to jail for trying to keep her kids safe from her abusive ex. Spoiler alert: The judge has realized the error of his ways..... for now. 

Remember, there are only 48 days until the election. It's time to put a woman in charge. Everyone 18 and over, make sure you're registered to vote at vote.gov. Your vote MATTERS. And if you need some sweet Kamala merch, visit ToxicthePodcast.com/merch. A hundred percent of our proceeds goes right back to Kamala for Prezzy. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing it to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, MAGA family member, your gyno, the guy in front of you at the polls, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

Ah, what fresh hell befell us this week? It was hard to pick just one thing to be angry about. There was the Georgia school shooting on Wednesday, making it the 45th school shooting of 2024. At Apalachee High School, a gunman who wasn't a drag queen took the lives of four people, injured nine others and traumatized indefinitely countless others. If only we could find a pattern to this madness that would help us stop it....

Around the 20-minute mark (if you want to skip ahead, it's OK), Jenna and Amanda discuss an enraging case out of Fort Collins, Colorado. A mom named Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins was found in contempt of court and sentenced to seven consecutive weekends in jail for not complying with court-ordered reunification therapy between her abusive ex-husband and her two youngest sons. This comes amidst a criminal investigation into her husband, a former cop, who has been accused of sexually molesting his daughters. The audacity of the court system, the judge and the therapist who's complicit in this is mind-boggling. 

Advocates and lawmakers are rallying around Rachel calling for justice, and we're joining in that that protest. You can help by not only getting pissed, too, but by amplifying Rachel's story and sharing it with others. Speaking out about injustices en masse is what keeps people like this cop from feeling untouchable. 

Links:

The letter to Colorado Supreme Court Justice Monica Màrquez mentioned in today's episode.

Rachel's GoFundMe for legal costs (hope she sues everyone when this is over).

The DomesticShelters.org piece on the BS that is "parental alienation syndrome." 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a positive review. We appreciate you. 

Strangulation, often misnamed "choking" (that's when something's stuck in your throat, not when someone's pressing on it), is trending in the sex lives of college-age kids, and that's a problem. Apparently, the thought is that if it's consensual, it's safe. Tell that to your brain cells that really need blood and oxygen at all times. 

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a Provost Professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion who's been studying sexual health and changing sexual behavior trends for the past two decades. She's also the author of Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex and she has a lot to share on this topic.

We need to talk about why young people are consenting to this and why some of them aren't—but think they need to just go along with it because it's become so normalized. And we need to talk about the risks. There is no safe way to strangle someone. Strangulation is the number one lethality indicator when abuse is present, and it's a pretty thin line between doing it for funsies and doing it for power and control. 

You can read more in Amanda's story with Dr. Herbenick on DomesticShelters.org: "Being Choked During Sex Is Rising in Popularity Among Young People." And for more on talking to to your teen about sex, revisit Episode 13: Having the Sex Talk with Teens Featuring Shafia Zaloom. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

We would so appreciate it if you could help us spread this conversation further by leaving us a review so the algorithm will suggest us to more people. We'd also love it if you could share your favorite episode with a friend, coworker, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc. Thank you, friend. 

What a world we live in: Our first female President on the brink. MAGA people sporting MyPillows on their ears. Hannibal Lecter being exalted at the RNC for no logical reason whatsoever.

Undoubtedly everyone heard President Biden's announcement yesterday that he will not seek reelection, a heroic move putting country before ego. Five seconds later, he endorsed VP Kamala Harris as the democratic party's nominee, and all of us with logic in our heads said, "Yes, please, can we finally let women run things up in here?" 

But we've been cocky before thinking this country hated Trump more than women and we lost HRC, so it's no time to rest on our laurels. If we don't vote for anyone other than Trump, we're facing an imminent autocracy head-on. Project 2025's “Mandate for Leadership” is a political manifesto conceived by the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank that's been influncing presidents since 1973. Should Trump be elected, he will likely use this manifesto as a roadmap to completely dismantle the American system of democracy as we know it. We wish that was hyperbole but it's not. 

We know it's hard to hear all of this, but it's more important now than ever before to be aware of what's going on and share what you know. Knowledge is power, which is exactly why Project 2025 proposes we make the country dumber, one choice at a time. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your MAGA coworker, a random stranger at the coffee shop, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. Here, you can also find our merch, such as our "Stop Killing Women" and "I'd Choose the Bear" tees and hoodies. 

As always, if you are experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

For the love of all things holy, can we just start believing women? I guess not. That's why we're going to keep doing this podcast. 

Jazzy reached out to Toxic to tell her story after escaping an abusive partner, with whom she had a child. His abuse ramped up while she was pregnant—an unfortuantely common trait among a-hole abusers who may or not feel like a pregnancy takes attention away from THEM and that's just not going to stand. 

But Jazzy is smart and she recorded his tirades, his threats and even him admitting to putting his hands around her neck. She took this evidence to a court of law which promptly found the abuser not guilty, claiming there was no way they could tell if she had fabricated this recording. Because yes, that's what us women do with our time.

It's not like there's a shortage of abusive men—we certainly do not have to lie and pretend they exist. But, it is any easy way for an abuser to shift the blame.

Listen to Jazzy's story in her own words and then consider checking out her podcast on finding financial independence called First Hustle Then Brunch (which Amanda was honored to make a guest appeareance on last October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You can listen to that episode here.)

If you suspect you're in danger at home and a partner is escalating their violence, please consider utilizing one of these Danger Assessment Tools. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

As always, if you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, please consider disclosing to someone you trust. You can also reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate—find one near you at DomesticShelters.org.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your petsitter, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.