Toxic

In this survivor story, Mimi bravely shares with us what happened in 2012 when she decided to leave her abusive boyfriend for the last and final time. She knew he was an avid gun collector, but it never occurred to her that he would actually use one against her. Survivors of domestic violence often have a difficult time seeing the escalation of danger they face while in the thick of it. After all, in between abusive episodes, they are love-bombed, given promises of change and a romanticized version of a perfect future just ahead. Except, it's all a lie. The only thing real is the cycle of power and control that will continue to dominate their life. Learn how the police talked Mimi out of getting an order of protection weeks earlier, but finally came to her aid when she had a gun pressed to her temple. The madness continues.

In the episode, we mention Mimi found help and healing through the nonprofit Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence. If you're a survivor of abuse or simply suspect something's off in your relationship, consider reaching out to an advocate near you. You can find your closest domestic violence nonprofit on the DomesticShelters.org Get Help page.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please consider sharing your favorite episode of Toxic with a friend, family member, coworker or complete stranger. The more we talk about this, the better a chance we'll collectively start to take it more seriously. Every day, three women or girls are killed by an partner. This number should be zero. Also, visit our Instagram page for daily challenges all this month to help raise awareness around domestic violence.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Oh, we have some beef with some dudes in this episode. First up is once-escaped murderer Danilo Cavalcante and the upwards of 500 law enforcement officials who searched weeks for him (say it with us: What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area!). While we love to see the effort, what we wish is that the thousands of other survivors who ask for help from police when an abusive partner informs them of their plans to murder them (see last episode) would get the same influx of attention. Alas, it seems to be that the most pronounced response from those who are here to protect us only comes after we're killed.

Next on the chopping block is Danny Masterson. Seems that most of his That '70s Show costars don't think he deserves a stay in the clink because he's against drugs (all their letters read earily similar). Tell that to the victims who were drugged and then woke up to Danny assaulting them.

We also have to talk about Luis Rubiales, the Royal Spanish Football Federation president who said he had every right to grab his D in front of the Queen of Spain and her teenage daughter because he was so jazzed about sports. He then smushed his mouth parts onto a female player because....he was so jazzed about sports. It's no big deal guys, men get so excited they just can't help it!

Finally, it's National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. This is a topic that deserves more discussion. Someone dies by suicide every 11 minutes. And for every death, there are 38 incomplete attempts by others. If you're contemplating suicide, please call 988 in the U.S., the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or chat online at 988lifeline.org.

#BeThe1To is a a national effort by the Suicide crisis line which helps spread the word about actions we can all take to prevent suicide.

Also, if you have an abusive partner who is talking suicide, this can be a huge red flag for homicide as well. Don't ignore it. Read "What to Do When an Abuser Threatens Suicide" on DomesticShelters.org.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your babysitter, your favorite barista, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.

Statistics tell us that five women every single day will be murdered by their male intimate partners. EVERY DAY. Until we can do a podcast that's called, "How to Not Murder Your Partner" and trust that abusers will listen to it, we have this: the warning signs of homcide. If it can be predicted, it can be prevented (hopefully). If we can lessen victim pool for wannabe murderers out there, it's the best defense we have for the current moment.

Jenna and Amanda break down the nine warning signs of imminent homicide and what to do if you're seeing this happen with your partner. We also talk about the Danger Assessment tool to help you gauge how much danger you're currently in (sometimes, it's honesly hard to see if when you're in it) and something called VineLink.com that can alert you when a perpetrator is released from jail.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.

The Toxic Dish is our shorter version full of hot goss (shout out Fortune Feimster....whom Jenna says she's never heard of WTF) related to abuse and toxic masculinity. So, like, not as fun as the hot goss of sleepovers from days' past but STILL INTERESTING. Did you hear about Lizzo? Yeah, that was a disappointing turn of events we didn't have on our 2023 bingo card. Also, Netflix is releasing a Depp v. Heard documentary this week. Do we need to relive it? Does Amber? We're pretty sure no one asked her. But for those still on #TeamDepp, you might want to listen to our explainer on DARVO. It's a manipulation tactic loved by abusers far and wide, including our least favorite pirate.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your grandma, your veterinarian, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.

Tina Swithin, survivor, author and family court advocate, joins Amanda and Jenna in today's episode to talk about the confounding decision some family court judges are making to force traumatized and abused children to see or even live with their abusive parents. Utilizing something called Family Reunification Camps, these judges order already terrified children to be forcibly removed from a protective parent's home and sent to a facility where they're isolated, abused and gaslighted into believing the abuse they just recently escaped from never happened at all and that the parent they saw beat their mom is real sorry about that. Sweet!

It recently happened to the children of Josh Homme, accused abuser of his wife Brody Dalle. Homme, vocalist/guitarist of Queens of the Stone Age and drummer for Eagles of Death Metal. Though he threatned to kill his wife, among other atrocities, and despite Dalle testifying that Homme had hit the children, drove drunk with them and that they were scared to be with him, his two young sons were forcibly removed from their home and haven't seen their mom in over a year.

Not shockingly, abusers who insist on having custody of their kids who are terrified of them is a power move by abusers to punish and control their partners, and not about these a-holes being any kind of decent parent. And since our criminal justice system was largely built by men to benefit men, these legalized kidnappings track. But that doesn't mean they have to continue. Thanks to the efforts of tireless advocates like Swithin, we're hoping these so-called "camps" will disappear into the ether very soon.

Find Swithin at One Mom's Battle or @OneMomsBattle on Instagram or TikTok. Visit the National Safe Parents Organization to get involved or learn more.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.

Last week, phenomenal singer, songwriter, political activist and survivor Sinéad O'Connor passed away. In 1992, she ripped up a picture of the Pope John Paul II on SNL and shouted "Fight the real enemy!" It caused a hullabaloo because, omg, God. But she had her reasons. Good ones. Jenna and Amanda discuss.

We're also talking about Prager University, not a university, whose tagline is "Make kids racist again" and its infiltration into Florida elementary schools.

And finally, a court in Italy ruled a 17-year-old wasn't actually sexually assulted because the school janitor's in-pants groping of her only lasted about 10 seconds and apparently, only 11 seconds of touching causes trauma. Courts! So smart!

If you're a victim of sexual assault, please consider reaching out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline online or by calling 800-656-4673.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you.

It was 1976 when Tina Turner fled for her life, literally, across multiple lanes of highway traffic to a Ramada Inn with $0.36 in her pocket and restarted her life. Despite being one of the most famous performance artists of her time, everyone associated her with Ike Turner, her abusive counterpart and husband. It wasn't until she spoke out publically in a 1981 People Magazine article titled, "Tina Turner: On the Prowl Without Ike" — because of course it was — that her fans would hear the truth. She wasn't half of an idyllic Hollywood couple. She was a survivor who'd had enough.

If you're a survivor of domestic violence, it's never your fault. Please consider visiting domesticshelters.org for a multitude of resources (many of which were written by Toxic co-host Amanda Kippert) or visit the Get Help page to find a shelter near you, staffed with advocates ready and willing to listen and help.

For more information on Toxic, to pick up some sweet angry feminist merch, or to submit a story idea for an upcoming episode, visit ToxicthePodcast.com.

As always, we would be so appreciative if you rated or reviewed us on this platform, or shared us with a friend, so that we might be able to reach more people. Domestic violence needs to be talked about to lessen the arrogant power of abusers who think they can get away with anything. (We're looking at you, Ike Turner, even though you're dead.)

Weaponized incompetence deserves a second episode, and this time, we brought friends: ThatDarnChat, aka Laura Danger, propelled to popularity online by talking about domestic labor and its unequal distribution in many relationships, and SpeechProf, aka Professor Chesko, an outspoken feminist advocate on TikTok. Both of these talented individuals do the thankless work of tearing down misogynistic rhetoric through humor and courage (because you know misogynists don't want misogyny to end....that would be terrible for them).

In this episode, we not only try to dispel the myth that domestic work is women's work (spoiler alert, it's not! Even if you're a woman who works from home! Even if your male partner works or makes more!). Domestic work should be a shared responsibility, and that includes emotional and mental labor. The idea that this should all fall on women because we're "so good at it" is not a compliment—it's burning us the eff out and resulting in depression, anxiety and the anger of a thousand suns. (Labour by Paris Paloma anyone?)

If you like today's jibber jabber, check out Laura's podcast, Time to Lean, with her cohost Crystal Britt. Also check out Chesko's about-to-launch brand-new podcast, Bad Advice Wednesdays, which is exactly what it sounds like. Advice is mostly useless anyway, may as well make it awful.

Please consider rating and reviewing us (only if you like us, obvi), or visit us at toxicthepodcast.com to submit an episode idea or pick up some stop-killing-women merch. You know you need that in your life.

Happy Pride, y'all! We hope this month is super duper uncomfortable for all the homophobes out there! In this episode, we're scratching our heads over a [failed] Target boycott of a few people who are appalled by the idea of merchandise that would promote the idea of loving everyone, even *GASP* those different from us. Don't worry, we end with a recommendation of a place where only love and acceptance are flourishing (sure, you'll have to go back on Facebook for a hot sec but it's worth it).

But before we get to that, we have to talk Danny Masterson being found guilty and the strange coincidence of Bijou Phillips — her dad and husband share a not-so-great trait...?

Also, politics. What is Title 8 and how is it rooted in misogyny? So glad you asked and we'd be happy to tell you.

As always, if you have any Dish-worthy topics you think we should cover, want to pick up one of our popular stop-killing-women tees, or just want to see what our faces look like, head on over to ToxicthePodcast.com.

Please consider rating and reviewing us (only if you liked what you heard, obvi), for good karma points, and so that our message can reach wider and farther.

Weaponized incompetence is a manipulation tactic used by individuals to purposefully avoid sharing labor equally in a partnership. It's not only annoying as all hell, it can be a favorite tactic of abusers who subscribe to traditional gender roles and have no interest in stepping outside of them.

Is your partner constantly forgetting how to provide basic care for their own children? Is remembering a grocery list just far too confusing for your partner? Are you solely responsible for taking care of all the holiday labor because your partner insists they just can't do it as well as you? Have you ever been told, "that's woman's work"? Welcome, you've been victimized by weaponized incompetence.

Not only is it infuriating, weaponized incompetence is also misogynistic. It designates certain tasks as feminine and beneath male partners—or coworkers. What professional female hasn't been assigned "notetaker" during a meeting where they're of equal importance to their male counterparts?

We're diving into what fuels individuals (ahem, men) to use weaponized incompetence, how to break the cycle with our kids and what to do if you're in the throes of it.

You can learn more about mental and emotional abuse in this guide.

If you like what you hear, please consider rating and reviewing us, or even better, sharing an episode with a friend. For information on the show, the hosts, to submit a story idea or pick up some merch, visit toxicthepodcast.com.