Toxic

Happy (?!) Sexual Assault Awareness Month...? Maybe? Every 68 seconds, a sexual assaulter is choosing to assault someone. We need to talk about this. What does sexual assault look like—it's rape, but so much more—and why is it one of the most underreported crimes (spoiler alert: we're shaming women into silence)?

With this many constant assaults, it was hard to pick just one assaulter to talk about, but we did it. Mainly because Chris D'Elia is out there Chris Browning it up, making money, touring as a comedian and enjoying his fame even after he's been accused by women and girls, as young as 16, of grooming and sexual assault, as well as just all around being a creepster. Free tip for all men out there: no woman wants the unexpected D just getting flopped out unexpectedly. No woman wants that. None. Write it down if you need to. Start a new note in your phone. Title it, "Don't Do These Things." Write down, "Take out your D with random women."

If you need to talk to someone about sexual assault, consider calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit RAINN.org, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network to learn more about sexual abuse.

Also, check out The Chris D'Elia Problem on YouTube, a well-done short documentary on said sexual predator.

When Bonnie's husband decided he wanted to possibly kill her, rather than, oh, we don't know, love and respect her, Bonnie knew she needed to run. But with a toddler, a three-day-old baby, two big dogs and a 30-pound tortoise in her care, finding a shelter that could help her proved nearly impossible.

An estimated 70 percent of domestic violence survivors have pets, but only a fraction of domestic violence shelters have the resources available that allow pets to come with a survivor. As a result, survivors with pets stay an average of two years longer with dangerous, sometimes deadly, abusers, afraid to leave their animals behind. The nonprofit RedRover is hoping to change that, aiming to make at least 25% of shelters animal-friendly by 2025.

In this episode, we hear from Bonnie (don't worry, her story has a happy-ish ending) and then from Katie Campbell, Director of Collaboration and Outreach for RedRover about their amazing efforts to make sure no pet is left behind. You might even want to consider signing up to be a volunteer (like Amanda did), support in some other way or apply for help.

If you're a shelter that wants to become pet-friendly, check out DontForgetthePets.org for more info!

Grassroots organizations around the country are currently helping to care for animals of survivors in danger, and your support would be amazing. Check out Praline's Backyard in Georgia, Hush Puppy Haven in Florida and Lost Our Home Pet Rescue in Arizona to start. (If you run a pet rescue org that helps DV survivors, give us a shout and we'll make sure to promote you on our socials!)

Survivors in need can also check out the Animal Welfare Institute's Safe Havens mapping project which tracks all the safe havens where animals of DV victims could be fostered in times of crisis.

Visit ToxicthePodcast.com for more resources, past episodes and Toxic merch, the proceeds from which go right back to organizations helping women escape violence.

It's Dish! The shorter (sometimes?!) version of Toxic where we rant about the newsy stuff that's chock-full of toxicity. Two weeks ago, the U.S. was collectively traumatized by its 131st mass shooting that took the lives of three kids and three adults, and yet all Tennessee did in response was a.) ask people to pray away the murderous rampages and b.) fire three heroic Representatives who said this situation f'ing sucks. Great job, everyone. Later, we talk about one bit of good news, Wisconsin's election of Judge Janet Protasiewicz—whose last name we can't pronounce to save our lives, many apologies—to the state supreme court and the things she will hopefully be able to do to secure women's rights to bodily autonomy. There's lots of bad, a little good and a Zombie Jesus holiday upon us. Time to discuss.

As always, if you like what you hear, please share Toxic with a friend and ten good karma points will be rewarded. Find out more about your hosts, Jenna and Amanda, and buy some sweet rant-a-riffic merch at ToxicthePodcast.com. All proceeds are immediately donated back to organizations run by and run for protecting women.

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 43 percent of men in the U.S. have experienced some form of sexual harassment and or sexual assault in their lifetime. In 2003, Brendan Fraser became one of them. Philip Berk, former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and a man in a position of power, felt entitled to Brendan's body in that way predators do, leading to the actor's near disappearance from Hollywood for over a decade. But it was seeing strong-as-hell females step forward as survivors at the 2013 Golden Globes that inspired him to speak up and speak out. His Brenaissance is much-deserved, but it also begs the question—do women get the same standing ovations for their comeback?

If you're a survivor of sexual assault, please consider reaching out to someone at the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 800-656-HOPE. You can find a comprehensive list of resources for survivors on ToxicthePodcast.com.

And if you like what you hear in this episode, please consider leaving a rating or review of Toxic so that this podcast can reach others. Do you have an idea for an episode? Let us know on our "Tell Your Story" page.

This Dish covers a lot of bases: Taylor Swift is on tour and pulls a hero move that addresses a basic need many of us take for granted. A stalker is on trial in Wisconsin accused of murder after his ex-girlfriend's new partner goes missing, but his teenage daughter isn't going to cover for his ass. And will he or won't he-who-is-too-toxic-to-be-named be arrested this week? And will he actually see the inside of a jail? And if he does, will he slowly disintegrate behind bars like Harvey Weinstein?

If you like what you hear on Dish, tune in next Monday for our feature episode where we cover one main story of toxic misogyny in depth. And if you really like what you hear, help us get the word out to others by sharing an episode, rating or reviewing us, or visiting us at toxicthepodcast.com where you can get some feminist-rage merch, share your story idea or find valuable resources.

To All the Men I've Tolerated Before host Natalie Katona joins Amanda for a quickie (dirty) episode about the healing powers of disecting past relationships, why we find Penn Badgley alluring in You, even though we shouldn't (and he's told us not to), and more general musings on misgony.

Check out Natalie's other online presence, Still Comfy? a Youtube livestream where she and a friend dissect their favorite comfort shows and movies.

We stan a funny feminist queen.

Ready to be angry?

Nikki Addimando was terrified to leave her abusive partner of nine years, Chris Grover, believing the only way she could protect herself and her two young children was to stay and try and endure his abuse, hoping he would stop eventually. But in the meantime, she collected evidence, just as we advise survivors to do—photographs, medical records, forensic reports—each time he assaulted her. Until the night he asked her to load his gun for him and then pointed it directly at her. Feeling like she had two choices—be murdered or fight back—she tried to save her life and the life of her kids, only to be sentenced to 19 years to life as a result. Learn how a female DA and male judge tried to blame her for Chris' abuse, accuse her of creating her own revenge porn and have ultimately kept her from holding her children for the last five years.

Learn more at WeStandWithNikki.comand, if so compelled, consider signing the #FreeNikki Change.org Petition.

And if you don't already, learn your ACEs score, which stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. Childhood trauma will shape so much of your adult life, putting you at a higher risk of being a victim of abuse or an abuser to someone else.

As always, if you are a victim of abuse, don't wait. Reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate today to talk about options, including safety plans, emergency shelter and how to protect your children. Find an advocate near you at DomesticShelters.org or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. #WeStandWithNikki

It's all the toxicity you love to hate ...but less. This Dish, we're talking Women's History Month —it's time to remind yourself and others that women actually have done important things in history, politics, culture and the arts. We did stuff, ladies! Visit toxicthepodcast.com to see a list of children's books we love that celebrate women in history (for those little feminists in your life).

We also talk Andrew Tate, again, unfortunately. And Amanda talks being trapped in a real-life Twister reenactment when she traveled to Texas last week to meet some stellar domestic violence peeps, part of One Safe Place and The Alliance for Hope. Luckily, no flying cows were spotted.

Our apologies for a few recording snafus where the audio was delayed and we talk over each other. #alwaysprofessional

We're launching something new here at Toxic. It's the shorter, newsy bits of toxicity that you love to hate, coming to you every other week in between our full episodes. Come laugh, cry and scream into the abyss with us about all the ways misogyny infiltrates our world on a daily basis.

In this episode, we're talking BIG NEWS about the capture of one of our previous murderous (allegedly) a-holes who was on the run before we dive into the hot topic of picture books Florida isn't allowing kids to read (spoiler alert: pretty much anything not about straight white people). Because children's books, not guns, need to be more strongly regulated. See this list of 176 books banned in Duval County, Fla., last December.

Let us know what you think of Toxic by rating and reviewing this podcast, or visit us at toxicthepodcast.com for more about us, some fun merch or to submit your own story or episode idea.

If you need help escaping domestic violence, please visit DomesticShelters.org to find a shelter near you, or to speak to an advocate. Everyone deserves to feel safe at home.

Did you know that in over half the states in the U.S., mandatory arrest laws denote at least one, if not both parties, will be arrested when police respond to a domestic violence call? As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and though these laws were originally designed in the '80s to take the burden off a survivor of pressing charges on the scene, they're actually doing the opposite in some cases and resulting in survivors being the ones arrested. Who knew that abusive partners could lie so well? (Oh, we did.) Now these lawas are a barrier for many survivors to call the police.

Kayla Fassio, host of the podcast Habits You Love, dialed 911 during a physical altercation with her then-boyfriend. Scared at how the fight was escalating, she hoped police would intervene but they thought it best if they took Kayla to jail. What does getting locked up do to someone who's trapped with a toxic or abusive partner? Does it empower them to leave safely? (If you said no, give yourself a gold star.) Kayla chronicles her whole journey through this distructive relationship on her BFF's podcast, It Doesn't End Here, and today, shares with us a little bit about life after a toxic partner and her journey to overcoming the shame that often comes along with it.