Training4Manhood

Guests: Tim Matthews and Jonathan Teague

Strange New World: How Thinkers and Activists Redefined Identity and Sparked the Sexual Revolution

By Carl R. Trueman

Strange New World is an abbreviated edition of Dr. Trueman’s longer book titled The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution

In this book, Dr. Trueman is going to examine how a person became a self, the self became sexualized, and sex became politicized.

The radical change that Dr. Trueman observes is that rather than conform thoughts, feelings, and actions to objective reality, man’s inner life itself becomes the source of truth.

Chapter 1 Welcome to This Strange New World

“Expressive individualism” was coined by the American scholar Robert Bellah, who defines it as follows:

• Expressive individualism holds that each person has a unique core of feeling and intuition that should unfold or be expressed if individuality is to be realized.

In short, the modern self is one where authenticity is achieved by acting outwardly in accordance with one’s inward feelings.

Great article and explanation from John Stonestreet at The Colson Center about the Philadelphia Flyers hockey player Ivan Provorov who refused to wear a jersey for the NHL’s “Pride Night.”

• Jonathan - who is the arbiter of what is “ok” - can’t be culture…left up to the individual themselves, which presents a huge problem when someone else’s opinion conflicts with yours.

In this book, I do not wish to deny that expressive individualism has aspects that are good and commendable. I am concerned, however, with how its triumph as the normative self has led to some of the strangest and, to many, most disturbing aspects of our modern world.

If the individual’s inner identity is defined by sexual desire, then he or she must be allowed to act out on that desire in order to be an authentic person.

Obviously, Western society still has sexual codes and places limits on sexual behavior - pedophilia, for example, continues to be outlawed in the United States - but those limits are increasingly defined not so much by the sex acts themselves as by the issue of whether the parties involved have consented to those acts.

Again, notice what the sexual revolution has done: it has brought us to the point where sexual acts in themseles are seen as having no intrinsic moral significance; it is the consent (or not) of those engaging in them that provides the moral framework.

Chapter 2 Romantic Roots

Rene Descartes (1596-1650) - “I think; therefore I am.”

Thinking is the ground of certainty.

Dan’s comment: God is no longer the source of truth; each individual person is!

Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) - First, he locates identity in the inner psychological life of the individual. Feelings for Rousseau are central to who we are. And second, he sees society (or perhaps better, culture) as exerting a corrupting influence on the self. In short, society makes us inauthentic.

Jonathan’s comment - while this might be profound, the problem is that it puts the brightest light on man, and makes man the center of existence…replacing God on the throne of life.

Rousseau rejects the Christian doctrine of original sin - it is society that corrupts the individual…

Dan’s question - if society corrupts the individual, what corrupted society? Isn’t society just the collected thoughts/wills of the various individuals - and if the individuals are good and pure, why wouldn’t the collective (society) be good and pure as well?

Everyone else is first and foremost a potential threat to my authenticity.

Rousseau - The Social Contract - Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains.

Rousseau’s “noble savage” - uncorrupted by the demands of civilized society with its hyprocrises and sharp antithesis between outward behavior and that inner voice of nature…

Tim’s comment - many of the restraints that society places on individuals is actually for our flourishing, for the benefit of all.

Guest: James Vilade

Founder, Keeper of The Game Foundation

Guys, just a quick reminder that our next book study begins this week; the first episode will be released on Friday, Feb. 3rd and then for the three remaining Fridays in February. The book we’ll be reading and discussing is Dr. Carl Trueman’s outstanding cultural examination titled Strange New World: How Thinkers and Activists Redefined Identity and Sparked the Sexual Revolution - get your copy today and read along with us!

Bio for Coach Vilade:

After finishing his successful college baseball career with Baylor University, James Vilade entered the world of coaching and has seen success at every level - from the pros to college and now even at the high school level. He understands that athletics is an avenue for success in life and takes his role and responsibility to mold boys into men very seriously, while having a ton of fun along the way! Coach V is not just a great baseball coach, he’s a great friend, and a great mentor for young men.

Coach V’s primary question for young guys - “What kind of person are you becoming along the way?” One of the main rules for life is how you treat those around you - learn to treat others well.

“Baseball is life” - would you buy that t-shirt?

Parenting fail - when the sport your child plays becomes more important than their character and the person they are becoming!

Common struggle for young men today - “handling the moment.” Don’t let the wins take you too high or the losses take you too low!

Men generally respond well to other guys calling them up to be better men - surround yourself with men who will do that for you…and you need to do that for others. “Show me your people and I’ll show you the man you’ll become.”

What’s the one thing you can tell a young man that will impact his life? “I love you.”

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Huge thank you to Jared Wood for allowing T4M to use his music in our intro and outro selections.

Guest: Dr. Steven Lytle, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Founding Partner of Sparrow House Counseling

Dr. Steven Lytle is a licensed psychologist with Sparrow House Counseling in Dallas, Texas. He attended the University of Oklahoma where he received a B.A. in Psychology. He later graduated with an M.A. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Central Oklahoma. Dr. Lytle acquired his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Argosy University.  Previously, Dr. Lytle worked as a therapist with Green Oaks Hospital in Dallas, Texas as well as counseling families through the juvenile probation department in Dallas County. Steven also served as clinical director of adolescent services at the Cedars Hospital in DeSoto, Texas. Additionally, Dr. Lytle was an adjunct professor of Psychology at Criswell College.

Therapy and counseling were for so long seen as a weakness, not a benefit, especially for men. Why is it so uncommon for men to seek help? Think about a guy in Home Depot - how often do men ask for assistance even with something simple like finding the right tool?

Men are more comfortable with the emotions of anger and stress. Stress is another way of saying “anxiety” but it is very different from anxiety. Stress is usually brought about by a “stressor” - a particular situation/event - and when that stressor is removed, then our stress level goes down. Anxiety can be brought about without an underlying situation. With anxiety, even when our situation is improved, we can feel anxious.

Guys - we need to consider how our “cup” is doing - are we filled too high and need to remove some things from our life - are there too many stressors or anxieties that are filling our cup?

Guys - important to consider how we train up guys to be the men that God has designed for them to be. Not to be carbon copies of their fathers, but to know and understand what God has designed for each individual.

Important to note that masculinity is a God-given concept, not limited to social constructs. Men can cook, sew, do laundry…and a host of things that many in our culture today do not view as things that “men do.”

Recent study had the astronomical number of men who live alone - isolated from community. Men in our culture value “independence,” but we are made for community and being alone and isolated is a difficult situation for an extended time period. Community - “your guys” - is not only valuable, it’s hard work to invest in relationships! Guys need “face-to-face” time, but it can be easier to start with “shoulder-to-shoulder” activities.

Train your boys how to have “face-to-face” conversations. It really is an important life skill - especially for building relationships. With the increasing use of mobile phones and technology, we all spend much less time with interpersonal communications.

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: David Salas

To learn more about the importance and influence of Martin Luther King, Jr., check out this book: Kennedy and King: The President, the Pastor, and the Battle Over Civil Rights by Steven Levingston

Some quotes from Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

“The time is always right to do what is right.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

"Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?' "

David’s first “great man” - G.K. Chesterton, author, social commentator

Chesterton Classics Collection: Orthodoxy, Heretics, What’s Wrong With The World, What I Saw In America

Dan’s first “great man: - Charles Haddon Spurgeon, pastor, “Prince of Preachers”

Morning and Evening: A New Edition of the Classic Devotional Based on The Holy Bible, English Standard Version by Charles H. Spurgeon and Alistair Begg

David’s second “great man” - CT Studd, cricket player, missionary

The Chocolate Soldier: Heroism: The Lost Chord of Christianity (A Deeper Christian Classic) by C.T. Studd

Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Dan’s second “great man” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German pastor, stood in opposition to Hitler, author

The Cost of Discipleship by Bonhoeffer

When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: Blair Robinson

Note - I didn’t “know Blair in high school” - just to clarify, Blair was in high school, I was already married and working - he’s much younger than I am!

Blair Robinson is the Lead Pastor of First Baptist Church of Irving beginning in May of 2022. Raised in the Dallas area, Blair is a graduate of Dallas Baptist University (B.S. in 2004; and M.Ed. in 2008) and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (M.A. in 2012; and D. Min. in 2019). Blair has previously served as the Discipleship Pastor of First Irving, and most recently as the Associate Pastor of Christ Covenant Church in Raleigh, N.C. His passion in ministry is to see the church consistently grow in grace as they delight in God. Blair and his wife Lauren have three children (Abel, Titus, and Abi Ruth). Blair enjoys time with his family and the members of First Irving, camping, hiking trails, reading helpful books, discipleship, sharing the faith, and the pastoral ministry.

Blair - a man must start with knowing that he is not God, he is a broken and wounded being IN NEED of God

The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes - you deserve death, anything less than that is the grace of God…I can’t believe that I get Christ AND water! Do you have this perspective…or do you see yourself as “worthy”?

Where should you start to gain a proper “life perspective” - by reading the Word of God!

To the man who believes that he has “it all” - Ecclesiastes tells you a different story - there is nothing “new under the sun” - it’s not about you, it’s about something GREATER than you that puts all of life into perspective!

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

Best advice for 2023 - sit and soak in the Word of God this year.

Blair - you have to start with the flaw of the “first” Adam, our physical father, before you can understand the importance of the “second” Adam, Jesus Christ, our Redeemer who connects us by his sacrifice to our Heavenly Father!

Blair’s book recommendation: The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: Kelly Cassels

When Kelly’s parents’ marriage imploded, he harbored bitterness against his father and fed that hatred for 15 years! Kelly finally confronted the truth and reality of his unwillingness to forgive that resulted in this deep-seated bitterness on his Walk to Emmaus. The spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude are tremendously important for a person to “be still” and listen to the still small voice of the Lord! When will you schedule QUIET TIME with the Lord so that He can speak to you - today, this week, this year?

Kelly - part of the American psyche was that men couldn’t show weakness, he had to do things by himself - which isolates and insulates men from really dealing with deep and painful issues of the heart.

The Lord’s Prayer (Contemporary)

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours now and forever. Amen.

Matthew 18 - the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Great Resource on the importance and power of forgiveness: The Bait of Satan: Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense by John Bevere

Kelly - thankful for a solid community of godly men who refused to let him live a life “mortgaged to the enemy” - we all need men who will speak truth into our lives regardless of the situation. This year, first seek to be that man in the life of those around you - then look to build a strong community of godly men to speak truth into your life as well.

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Huge thank you to Jared Wood for allowing T4M to use his music in our intro and outro.

Guest: Robert Christian

CW5 Robert Christian was raised in McAllen, Texas.  He reported to Basic Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina in 1996.  Attending Advanced Individual Training (AIT) at Fort Gordon, Georgia, he was assigned the MOS of 25U, Signal Support Systems Specialist. During his 10 years enlisted time, Rob served in the ranks of Private thru Sergeant First Class.  

Rob holds a Bachelor of Science in Information Technology Management and is a graduate of the Army Warrant Officer Senior Service Education (WOSSE) course.  His combat deployments include Afghanistan, Iraq, and East Africa.  His awards and decorations include the Bronze Star Medal, the Defense Meritorious Service Medal (1BOLC), the Meritorious Service Medal (2BOLC), the Joint Service Commendation Medal, the Army Commendation Medal (1BOLC), the Army Achievement Medal (3BOLC), the Combat Action Badge, the Parachute Badge, and the Air Assault Badge. Rob has been married to his wife Leilani for 22 years.  They have 5 children ages 17-2.

If Robert could go back, what advice would he give himself to avoid some of life’s pitfalls? Robert’s words - “It ain’t worth it.”

Excellent resource - Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices by Thomas Brooks

Have you seen another man who really lived out his faith in Christ - spent time in the Word, in prayer, speaking truth and fighting against sin in their own life?

You must understand this truth: you will reap what you sow. If you plant apple seeds, don’t expect to eat oranges later in life. God’s Word says this in Galatians 6:7-9:

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

What is it about those “middle-ages” from 40-50 years old - you are either going to make it or break it - what will be the difference in your journey? Consider the small “crack” in your windshield of life - if you don’t address it early, if you leave it alone and just wish it away, that small crack will most likely spread across your life and cost you the integrity of your windshield, which is a metaphor for your life!

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Man Alive: Transforming Your Seven Primal Needs into a Powerful Spiritual Life by Patrick Morley

Robert - two things to address everyday - obedience and sacrifice.

Robert - finish well. There are too many examples of guys who are taken out of the race of life and don’t finish well - and how do you finish well…cling to Christ.

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: Gabe Boyd

Resolutions and Advice to Young Converts by Jonathan Edwards

Luke 2:52 - Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with man.

How do we set goals that challenge us, but are also something that we can accomplish in the upcoming year?! As you evaluate life and areas for growth, ask some friends and family for recommendations on areas where you can improve - trust me, they’ll have a few suggestions for you!

Gabe - it’s about progress, not perfection!

Building a better life includes building a strong community, surrounding yourself with godly men who can model the way for you, older guys to mentor you and younger guys you can pour life into - building that strong community is vital.

Goals aren’t just about you getting better, but getting better for the purpose of doing all that God has called for you to do - it’s not about you, but about you actively being engaged to make the world a better place!

Areas for growth:

• Wisdom
  • Reading - this year, set a goal to read at least one book a month! Start somewhere!
    • Various categories to consider:
      • Spiritual Disciplines - Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: Clayton Kendall

Clayton and Ashley lost their third son Myers Crawford Kendall unexpectedly on April 12, 2018. Here is Myers’ obituary. I am very thankful to Clayton for taking the time to share his experience and the life lessons he learned walking through the grief process in hopes of helping others who are grieving.

Do men handle grief well - or do men generally stuff their emotions, hide their true feelings, and not proceed through the grief process well?

The grief process will look differently as you walk through it - and how you grieve will be different than how others grieve. Learn to give space and grace to others.

You need a good community and good relationships to help you walk through difficult times. There are times you need space…but you also need guys around you to encourage and challenge you when needed.

Clayton’s suggestions for walking well through grief:

• Grief is designed by God and when you respond well you will find that the Lord will draw near to the broken-hearted.

Recommended Resources:

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power by Levi Lusko

Where is God in Our Grief: Lessons from CS Lewis - material from Hope for the Heart

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501()(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle ([email protected]) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Guest: Dr. Steven Smith

Dr. Steven Smith is the senior pastor at Immanuel Baptist Church in Little Rock, AR. Here is his bio from their website:

• Steven W. Smith is a fourth-generation pastor and has served at Immanuel since 2017. After being a pastor for many years, Dr. Smith most recently served as Vice President for Student Services and Professor of Preaching at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dr. Smith enjoys writing and is the author of several books on preaching. He is honored to be a Senior Fellow for the Spurgeon Library of Midwestern Seminary.

For his advice to our T4M audience, Steven turned to the Book of Titus - the Apostle Paul’s letter about leadership with some sage wisdom for young and older men. Here’s what Paul wrote in Titus chapter 2:

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self–controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

Interesting note - for Paul’s wisdom to the young men, he gives only one thing - to be “self-controlled” or “self-disciplined.”

Discipline levels the playing field in life - get discipline and you’ll be successful regardless of what gifts and abilities you have or where you started!

“The resentment of discipline of any kind will warp the whole life away from God's purpose. We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the culture of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail.” Oswald Chambers

How can you learn the character quality of self-discipline? There are many ways to develop this characteristic in life - take up a musical instrument, play a sport, start a hobby and stick with it…learn to do hard things and develop this important attribute for success in life.

Other things that are helpful in developing self-control:

• Community - get some other guys on board with you to help encourage and challenge you toward your goals

Proverbs 1:23 “If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.”

• A great life lesson is learning to TURN INTO the discipline, the hard things - don’t turn away, lean in and trust the process of growth and maturity, true growth takes effort and work - the only thing that grows without work is weeds!

Hebrews 12:9-11 “Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.”

• Learning these life disciplines are for a “short” time - then they can become habits and patterns for life!

Two types of discipline:

1. Corrective - you’ve done something wrong, this discipline moves you away from what is harmful toward what is helpful

Steven Smith’s recommendation:

• Spurgeon by Arnold A. Dallimore

Goal Setting - consider using Luke 2:52 as a framework - Jesus grew in wisdom, statute, and in favor with God and with man - how can you grow and mature in those four characteristics?

Final Thought - so much of the Bible IS WRITTEN TO YOUNG MEN!

• How awesome is that reality - God’s Word is intended to be a helpful tool and resource for young men who want to develop self-discipline in life so that they can be successful and lead their families, businesses, and communities!