Transformational Leadership: From the Insight Out

Learning to weed out bad habits and exchanging them for good habits can bring incredible transformation to your life. This episode will equip you with practical tools to develop good habit creation patterns and tackle the ones that are bringing you down.

Transformation Tip: “There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.” - Zig Ziglar

Creating good habits:

• Obvious and tangible; something within reach 
• Small steps, don’t leap
• The more shortcuts you take the longer it takes
• Victory and maturity happen in the journey

What activates the habit? Learn to manage your triggers. 

You can make a trigger work for you by associating it with something that already occurs, then replacing the bad habit with a good one. 

We are bound to stumble during our habit-breaking process. Just because you slip up doesn’t put you back to zero.

Practical steps for breaking bad habits: 

• Make a plan
• Only try to tackle one habit at a time 
• Add some accountability 
• What will you do if you relapse? (plan for it!) 

Transformation application: Stress can be directly related to bad habits. What are the things causing you stress right now? What can you do to deal with that stress and put yourself in a position to replace bad habits with good ones? Remember, you are more powerful than you think. 

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Why do we often find it much easier to extend grace to our loved ones than to ourselves? Unfortunately, many of us condemn ourselves for failures, rather than exercising self-compassion. This episode will teach you practical ways to root out negative self-talk and find grace and compassion for yourself through your mistakes and imperfections.

Transformation Tip: “Talk to yourself like someone you love.” - Brene Brown

Self-compassion results in resilience - it keeps your mental state healthy when dealing with difficult situations

Three components of self-compassion:

• Be kind to yourself 
• Common humanity (everyone makes mistakes)
• Mindfulness 

Ways to show yourself compassion:

• Root out negative self-talk 
  • Awareness of negative thought patterns 
• When you get 20/20 hindsight - where does it take you?
  • Failure = “I just learned something”
• Everyone makes mistakes 
  • You are human!
  • Failure is where you learn (growth mindset)
• Mindfulness 
  • Embracing where you are
  • Excepting your experience just the way it is
  • Care for yourself in your present moment 

Transformation Application: Think about one negative narrative that often goes through your mind. Imagine what you normally tell yourself and then change that statement into a statement that has grace and compassion. Write it down and practice using the new statement.

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Disappointment is a natural part of life. It can also be a powerful force that keeps us stuck or paralyzed. In this episode, learn to deal with your disappointment in a healthy way so you can move forward and come out on the other side better than before. 

Transformation Tip: You can’t be disillusioned unless you were believing an illusion to begin with.

Dealing with disappointment does not mean burying it or ignoring it

Time can only heal disappointment if you truly face it and deal with it

Ways to deal with disappointment:

• Let it out 
  • Don't contain it - you need to feel it 
  • Find a therapist or a trusted friend to vent to 
  • Journal about it
  • Gain perspective 
• Find a trusted outside perspective
  • Were your expectations too high?
  • Separate your desire from the object of your desire
• Recenter yourself 
  • Don’t let disappointment define you - let it refine you
  • Remind yourself who you are 
• Live in the present
  • Disappointments of the past do not have to define who you are in the present
  • Allow disappointments to become learning experiences (growth mindset)
  • Allow yourself the ability to start over

Transformation Application: If you’re holding on to a disappointment, find time to let it out or gain a new perspective by talking to someone. 

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Can you think of a moment that you wish you could go back to and respond differently? Learning how to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally is key to developing your emotional intelligence. This episode gives you practical tools to better manage your emotions moving forward. 

Transformation Tip: “Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.” - Abby Stumbal 

How to manage your emotions: 

• Count to 10 - make a better word choice 
• Sleep on it - allow yourself to reset 
• Burn off the adrenaline - exercise
• Be quick to let it go - the longer you hold on the more it will affect you 
• Be humble - take ownership of the part you played in the situation. Humility always disarms conflict.
• Pay attention to your self-talk - avoid using words like always and never
• Get it out of your head - write it out or talk it out (with safe people)
• Ask someone to help you with performance coaching 
• Maintain good sleep hygiene - when you’re rested your ability to respond vs. react is much better. 

Transformation Application: Pick one of the tips we gave you and use it this week. The easiest one to try is counting to 10 - give it a shot! 

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Old mindsets can keep us stagnant and stressed. In this episode, Steve and Pete discuss four ways to evolve old mindsets to bring maturity, growth, and success to your current endeavors.

Transformation Tip: “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change” - Albert Einstein 

Staying stuck in old mindsets will stunt your growth 

We tend to be unwilling to change because we know we have to put work into it 

If we look at our past as a launching pad it can be less intimidating because we are not starting over, but continuing the journey into something new

Ways to evolve your old mindsets:

• End it
• Upgrade it 
• Scale it 
• Pivot 

Transformation Application: Take a look at your life -  is there something you have been doing or thinking that simply is not working for you anymore? Look at the four options we went over and try one!

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We all have weaknesses and limitations. Learning to embrace them helps us to focus on our strengths and improve our emotional intelligence and growth trajectory. This episode reminds you that you don’t have to be good at everything, but simply be the best version of yourself.

Transformation Tip: To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; and to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength - Criss Jami

What will happen if you don't embrace your limitations?

• Tendency to see your limitations as a source of shame
• You feel like you have to perform your way out of them
• You will not love yourself for who you are you will become way too self-reliant

If you don’t embrace your limitations, you limit the people around you

Options on how to handle your limitations

• Don’t do it 
• Try harder
• Borrow someone else’s strength
•  Leverage one of your strengths to supplement your weakness

Transformation Application: Identify one limitation that you have, and embrace it. Tell yourself that it's okay to have that limitation. For extra credit - go tell someone else!

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Each of us is designed with a unique purpose and talents. When we are not working within our design we can get frustrated and burnt out. Oftentimes, this is caused by simply being unaware of our strengths and weaknesses. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you identify the areas where you thrive as well as potential blind spots that may be holding you back. It’s time to align with your design!

Transformation Tip: “Don’t compromise yourself - you’re all you have” - John Grisham

How to Align With Your Design:

• Ask people who know you - We are our own worst counselors. When we allow people we trust to speak about our strengths and blindspots it brings clarity to our purpose.

• Ask your history - Reflect on past accomplishments. What was a time when you felt completely alive and in your zone? What were you doing? What was the setting? What was the verb/action?

• Ask science - Use an online tool such as StrengthsFinder, Myers Briggs, Hermann Brain Institute, etc. to learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, and unique design.

•  Ask your faith - How was I designed? What is my purpose? Who was I created to be?

Transformation Application: Ask people you know to identify blindspots in your life. Go to https://www.petecoaching.com/blindspot for a guided tool to help you apply this exercise.

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Self-awareness should not be viewed as selfish or self-centeredness. Self-awareness helps you bring out the best version of yourself. Taking the time to reflect and grow in our areas of weakness allows us to improve our relationships, our confidence, and our lives! 

Transformation Tip: Know Thyself. 

Self-awareness is NOT:

• Self-centeredness
• Selfish
• About focusing on your flaws, but the greatness that you carry 

Benefits of self-awareness: 

• Improves your relationships
• Improves your confidence
• Allows you to become a better person 
• Enables you to be who you are!

Clues that you need to become more self-aware 

• Blaming
  • Victim mentality 
• Space invaders
  • People are unaware of your boundaries 
• Attention seeking 
  • If you feel rejected you try extra hard to be excepted
• Interrupting 

Transformation Application: Rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Next, find someone who is close to you and ask them to rate your self-awareness on a scale of 1-10. Is there a difference? If there is, it’s time to do some deep reflection. 

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Many people find themselves stuck in difficult situations because of their need to please everyone around them. People-pleasing can be exhausting and overwhelming. This episode will help you identify the causes and effects of this habit and teach you how to establish healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Transformation Tip:  “I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone” - Ed Sheeran

Symptoms of people-pleasing:

• You find it really hard to say no  
• You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness
• You feel governed by guilt 
• You feel a sense of over responsibility
• You avoid relational conflict

Negative effects of people-pleasing: 

• Every time you people please you lose a sense of your personal boundaries
• People begin to assume that you can do and will do anything
• You become spread too thin and then you cannot do things to the best of your ability which causes people to become upset with you 
• Manipulative and abusive people will be drawn to and take advantage of you

Causes of people-pleasing:

• The need for validation causes you to chase opportunities to please people
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of being incapable (needing to prove you can do something)

How to overcome people-pleasing:

• Recognize your triggers
• Start saying no
  • No is a complete sentence
  • You will face resistance 
  • Be ready to stand your ground 

Transformation Application: Say ‘no’ to something this week. 

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A big key to becoming more self-aware is identifying blindspots. Blindspots are aspects of ourselves that we have not been aware of or not fully known. In this episode learn practical ways to discover both your positive and negative blindspots to help you develop your EQ and put the best version of yourself forward. 

Transformation Tip: How do you know when you’ve been deceived? You don’t. 

How to discover your blind spots:

• Ask people for feedback - you cannot see your own blindspots so ask someone who can!
• Use assessments - are there disparities in the results and what you believe to be true about yourself? Are you upset by the results? Maybe this is revealing something you didn’t know about yourself. 
• Consider your strengths - our blindspots can be found in the shadows of our biggest strengths. We can become too comfortable with our strengths and come across in a negative way or we can overuse our strengths. 

Transformation Application: Take some time to reflect on potential blind spots. Think back to a situation that didn’t go well for you. What was happening? How did you behave? What feelings did you have?

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