Transformational Leadership: From the Insight Out

Once you've identified patterns of rejection in your life, it's important to know what to do next! In this episode, Steve and Pete give practical tips on how to overcome rejection and move into a place of acceptance and freedom.

Transformation Tip: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -- Charles R. Swindoll

Breaking out of the rejection cycle is crucial for moving into acceptance. 

Three C's for breaking rejection: 

• Conviction to make the change
• Courage to make the change 
• Consist in making the change

Transformation Tip: Make the three lists that Steve highlighted in the episode, and begin to work on forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and celebrating who you are! 

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Transformation Tip: "In life, I have met two types of people: the rejected and the super rejected." -- Derek Prince

Rejection is painful.

Rejection is when you feel devalued and begin to doubt your worth. You are the one who gets to choose whether you agree with the rejection or reject it. 

Three types of rejection: 

• self-rejection
• self-protection
• rejecting others

Fear of rejection leads to self-protection which leads to more rejection.

Transformation Application: Recognize and observe where rejection might be rooted in your life.  If you can,  see which category it fits in: self-rejection, self-protection, or rejecting others. Remember to be kind to yourself! 

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Do you find yourself constantly looking for external validation and approval? This episode is for you. Learning to approve of yourself (flaws and all!) is key to being able to live in a place of freedom and bring the best out of those around you.

Transformation Tip: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval - Mark Twain 

If you keep finding yourself in the approval trap, it is an indication that you are having a problem fully loving and accepting yourself. 

Examples of the approval trap: 

• Name Dropping
• Fishing for compliments

Transformation Application: Answer these 3 questions. 
1) Do you approve of yourself? 
2) Why or why not? 
3) If you don't, what will it take until you do? 

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Transformation Tip: "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

A healthy identity is essential to fulfilling purpose, finding peace, and developing healthy relationships.

If you don't know your value, you will spend your life trying to find it.

Knowing who you are and loving who you are is essential for peace and security in your identity. Are you living from identity or for identity?

Transformation Application: Go get the book!

Purchase The Free To Be Me Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C6P2S84Y/ref=nodl_?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_MQ2354040DH5GMDYZWNX&dplnkId=d72b60e8-7e4d-45eb-8e7d-66407c5c8f84

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HollyKem Sunseri joins the show to talk about how to identify your inner voices to find your true self.

Transformation Talk:  “Don't believe everything you hear - even in your own mind.”
— Daniel Amen

We all have three inner voices: 

• wounded self
• protective self
• true self 

When you are feeling anxious or if you impulsively negatively react to something, ask yourself: which voice was that? Dig a little deeper to see if there is a wound there or if your actions were triggered by your protective voice.

Transformation Application: The next time you feel anxious this week, try and identify which voice is speaking and then try to hear what your true self is saying.

Get connected with HollyKem!
 https://www.ihaveavoice.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@IHaveAVoice1212
A Roadmap to the Soul: A Practical Guide to Love, Compassion and Inner Peace: https://www.amazon.com/Roadmap-Soul-Practical-Guide-Compassion-ebook/dp/B01MTFLG3H/ref=sr_1_2

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In part 2 of our series on addictive behaviors, Steve and Pete provide a practical process for getting to the root of addictive behaviors and how to overcome them. 

Transformation Tip: “Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life.”

Addictive Behaviors are most commonly triggered when you are: 

• lonely
• wounded
• overwhelmed

Transformation Application: Start noticing your triggers and begin logging them. 

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Most people associate the word addiction with an extreme such as substance abuse,  but the reality is, most of us have addictive behaviors that we operate in often. In this episode,  Steve and Pete start a new series on resolving inner conflicts to unpack the root cause of addiction and how to begin the process of stopping it.

Transformation Tip: "Breaking addiction unlocks the power to create a brighter future."

Shame and guilt are often underlying keys to identifying causes of addiction

Addictive behavior is used to comfort, escape, or reward

Transformation Application: Identify the trigger that is causing you to comfort, escape, or reward. 

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Transformation Tip: “Being a mentor means inspiring others to discover their own wisdom, not just imparting yours.”

We make an assumption that talent is enough. People need development. 

Key qualities of the type of person you should invest in or develop: 

• Hungry
• Humble
• Transparent/vulnerable
• Teachable 
• Do they want to learn 
• Willing to change/flexible

You can't want someone to change more than they want to change.  Every great mentoring relationship is a partnership. If it is one way, it will not work.

Transformation Application: Think about the people in your life who you are responsible for developing. If someone is not reaching their full potential, ask yourself: Have I taken the time to actually develop them?

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Transformation Tip: “Behind every successful person, there is a mentor who believed in them before they believed in themselves.” 

• What does a good mentor look like?
  • Good listener
  • Not judgmental  
  • Brings clarity
  • You feel connected to them 
  • Helps you find a pathway to success 

A mentor is not responsible for your growth. You are responsible for applying the wisdom that your mentor provides. 

• Respect your mentor 
• Value their time 
• Show gratitude

Transformation Application: If you don't have a mentor, make a list of 3 people who you might like to mentor you and then approach them. If you have a mentor, think of a way that you can show them appreciation this week.

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Transformation Tip: “Efficiency is doing things right, effectiveness is doing the right things.” - Peter Drucker

Efficient  - achieving maximum productivity with minimum waste of effort and expense

• Management focused

Effective - being successful in producing a desired result 

• Leadership focused 

With efficiency and effectiveness, one is not better than the other, it is knowing when to use each one.

• Efficient - take your ideas and assert them 
  • Get your team on board with your idea by forcing it 
• Effective - collaborate 
  • Slow down so everyone is on board 
  • You need other people to round out your ideas 

Transformation Application:  Ask yourself “What tasks could I allow others to do that I have been doing myself? Put it into action and teach others how to do those tasks!

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