Transforming Us Podcast

Join Jessie and Tamara as they dive deep into the Enneagram, the helpful psychological framework for transformation. This episode is your essential guide to understanding the nine distinct personality patterns—not as static labels, but as a dynamic roadmap for self-awareness and greater emotional intelligence.

In this foundational primer, you'll discover:

• The System's Structure: We break down the historical context and explain the profound connection between the Enneagram and attachment theory.
• The "Why" Behind Your Actions: Learn how your core emotions and Centers of Intelligence (Head, Heart, and Body) shape your worldview and drive your behavior.
• A Blueprint for Change: Explore the unique strengths and challenges of each type, along with practical growth tips you can use right now.
• Transformation for Life: Whether you're seeking to enhance your communication, navigate conflicts, or deepen your relationship coaching skills, learning your Enneagram type is the key to embracing your complexity and moving toward genuine self-discovery.

Tune in to learn how the Enneagram can be the catalyst for the personal and relational transformation you've been seeking!

Download our FREE Enneagram Assessment and Guide now!

Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

YouTube: Transforming Us Community

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

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Navigating pain and leading with emotional intelligence are critical skills for any leader. On this episode of the Transforming Us Podcast, host Jess Vangsnes sits down with award-winning leadership development professional and author Scott Allender, to explore the profound connection between the Enneagram, emotional intelligence, and leadership with some personal stories of transformation along the way.

In this very real conversation, Scott, author of "The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success", shares how the Enneagram can be a powerful tool for self-awareness, helping you understand your unique emotional patterns and pain points. He shares how, in his book, he has overlapped the Enneagram with 5 metrics of Emotional intelligence. You'll discover why organizations often prioritize emotional regulation over the deeper work of truly understanding emotions in relationships. The episode also explores the link between the Enneagram and Attachment Theory, revealing how your personal history shapes your Enneagram number and leadership style.

Scott introduces the Enneaflip, a practical resource for applying Enneagram insights in your daily life alongside the patterns in your relationships at work or at home. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to become a more effective and compassionate leader.

• Enneagram and Emotional Intelligence: Learn how the Enneagram can help you identify and process pain, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
• Leadership and Personal Growth: Understand how healing yourself and embracing your personal growth journey directly impacts your leadership and relationships.
• Attachment Theory & The Enneagram: Explore the fascinating intersection of these two frameworks and how they influence your personal dynamics.

Scott’s Resources:

https://www.scottallender.com/

The Evolving Leader Podcast

https://www.instagram.com/eqenneagram/

Learn more about Transforming Us:

Discover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.

Youtube: Transforming Us Community

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Do you feel caught in a constant push-pull between wanting close relationships and pushing people away? In this powerful episode of the Transforming Us podcast, hosts Jess and Tamara dive deep into the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment patterns. We’re getting to the heart of what drives this unique and often misunderstood relationship dynamic, rooted in deep-seated childhood wounds of broken trust and hyper-sensativity.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• The Fearful Avoidant Map: Unpack the mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors that define this attachment style. Understand the high levels of anxiety, the struggle with trust and vulnerability, and the self-sabotaging tendencies that can make stable relationships feel impossible.
• Security Through Regulation: Discover the vital roles of emotional regulation and co-regulation in managing intense emotional reactions. Jess and Tamara share practical strategies for building emotional health, from positive self-talk to creating an evidence journal to combat negative biases.
• Communication & Boundaries: Learn how inconsistent boundaries can impact your relationships and how to build a foundation of open communication. The hosts emphasize the importance of communicating your needs and finding safe, supportive relationships that allow you to grow without fear.
• The Path to Secure Attachment: This episode highlights the significance of therapy and personal growth in confronting past wounds. Join us as we discuss how a willingness to be vulnerable and a commitment to self-discovery can transform your attachment style and help you build the healthy, secure relationships you truly desire.

If you’re ready to break the cycle and find a sense of peace in your relationships, this episode is your guide.

Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!

Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

(Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and educational purposes alone.  It is not a replacement for clinical help with your mental health or attachment traumas.) 

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Are you in a relationship with someone who seems distant or emotionally unavailable? Or do you recognize these patterns in yourself? In this insightful episode of the Transforming Us podcast, hosts Jess and Tamara do a deep dive into the dismissive avoidant attachment style. We're exploring the core reasons behind the desire for autonomy and the struggle with vulnerability that defines this relational pattern.

In This Episode, We'll Explore:

• The Avoidant Map: Understand why individuals with this attachment style may feel committed at the beginning of relationships, only to become overwhelmed as emotional intimacy deepens. We'll uncover the link between trauma and the tendency to repress strong emotional responses like sadness and anger.
• Communication & Connection: Learn why communication is often a significant challenge for dismissive avoidants, leading to misunderstandings and feelings of inadequacy. We'll discuss how to navigate rigid boundaries and the fear of vulnerability that can push partners away, often through self-sabotage.
• The Path to Security: Discover how dismissive avoidants can work towards better emotional regulation and find a balance between independence and connection. Jess and Tamara provide valuable tips for personal growth and co-regulation, highlighting how self-awareness and supportive relationships can lead to greater attachment security.

This episode is for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of dismissive avoidant patterns—whether in a partner or in themselves. Join us to learn how to transform emotional distance into a journey of healing and growth.

Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!

Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

(Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and educational purposes alone.  It is not a replacement for clinical help with your mental health or attachment traumas.) 

Mentioned in this episode:

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Are you tired of the emotional rollercoaster that comes with anxious preoccupied attachment? In this episode of the Transforming Us podcast, hosts Jess and Tamara get real about the anxious preoccupied attachment style. We're diving deep into the inner workings of this relational pattern, from its roots in childhood wounds to its impact on your relationship dynamics today.

In This Episode, You'll Discover:

• The Anxious Preoccupied Map: Unpack the core characteristics of this attachment style, including the constant need for emotional connection and validation, the fear of abandonment, and the tendency to self-sabotage healthy relationships.
• Healing & Growth: We share authentic stories and practical insights on how to navigate the challenges of low self-esteem and difficulty setting boundaries. Learn how to break the cycle and start your journey of personal growth towards a more secure attachment.
• Real Talk on Relationships: Understand why you might overshare your feelings or feel anxious when disconnected from your partner. We'll show you how to build a sense of security from within and create balanced, mutually-supportive relationships.

Whether you're looking to understand your own patterns or a partner's, this episode is a powerful guide to pinpointing the anxious map. Join us as we explore what it truly takes to transform an anxious attachment and build the healthy, stable relationships you deserve.

Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!

Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

(Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and educational purposes alone.  It is not a replacement for clinical help with your mental health or attachment traumas.)

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Hey friends, welcome back to Transforming Us Podcast. This week, we're finally getting into the world of relational attachment, and let's just say, it's getting a little personal. We are getting honest about our own journeys with different attachment styles. Are you ready to transform your relationships and break free from old, painful patterns? In this episode, we offer a basic overview and guide to the world of attachment theory with a focus on how your early experiences shape your adult relationships. Whether you're in a romantic relationship or on a journey of personal growth and becoming more relational, this episode is packed with foundational insights you won't want to miss.

Key Topics Covered:

• Attachment Theory Explained: We'll break down the four main attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant. Learn how to identify your own style and understand the behaviors that come with it.
• Healing Insecure Attachments: Discover practical strategies for moving from an insecure to a more secure style. We discuss the importance of emotional regulation and self-soothing to manage anxiety and prevent trauma responses in relationships.
• Communication Skills for Deeper Connections: Learn how to improve your communication skills to foster vulnerability and create a safe space for true intimacy. We'll explore how fear of abandonment can drive anxious behaviors and how to navigate the challenges of emotional intimacy with a dismissive avoidant partner.
• The Path to Personal Growth: This episode is a guide to understanding yourself and your relational triggers. By decoding the attachment cycle, you can begin the journey of healing and growth, leading to healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Don't let your past map dictate your future path. Tune in to learn how to break old relational patterns and build the loving, secure relationships you deserve. Once you know your patterns, join us for the next three episodes, where we will dive deeper into each of the insecure attachment styles: anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant.

So, grab your coffee, get comfy, or take a walk and let's explore how we can all move a little closer to secure attachment, one honest conversation at a time.

Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!

Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Join us for a profound conversation with author, therapist, and professor Dr. Chuck DeGroat on a very special episode of the Transforming Us podcast. Dr. DeGroat's new book, Healing What's Within, dives deep into how our unhealed pain can impact our relationships with ourselves, others, and God. We explore the powerful idea that what isn't transformed is transmitted and discuss how we can break free from cycles of hurt.

Discover how to use tools like the Enneagram wisely for deep self-understanding, why paying attention to your body and nervous system is crucial for true healing, and the transformative power of "communities of redemptive remembering." Dr. DeGroat shares practical wisdom on navigating developmental trauma, moving toward "realized security," and how three powerful questions from Genesis can guide us toward wholeness. This episode is for anyone seeking to heal what’s within and find hope in their journey toward a more secure and connected life.

Learn More & Connect with Dr. Chuck DeGroat:

• Website: https://www.chuckdegroat.net
• Books: https://www.chuckdegroat.net/books
• Social Platforms: @chuckdegroat (Instagram, X, Facebook, Substack)

• Healing Our Wounds: Unhealed pain is transmitted to others unconsciously. This episode helps us stop the cycle and find wholeness.
• The Divided Self: We explore how trauma can create a "divided self" and impact our relationships.
• Beyond Personality: The Enneagram is more than a personality test; it's a tool for deep self-understanding and healing a darker side of our patterns.
• The Body Holds the Story: Real healing requires listening to our body and nervous system, not just our intellect.
• Find Secure Connection: You can build "realized security," even with a shaky past when you begin to get curious about your desires, needs and beliefs.
• Three Guiding Questions: Learn how three questions from Genesis can help you understand what's happening within.
• Create Safe Spaces: We discuss what it means to build "communities of redemptive remembering" where people feel truly seen.

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Click here to Connect.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

In this practical episode of The Transforming Us Podcast, hosts Jess and Tamara share seven essential skills to help you build healthier relationships and improve your overall well-being. Using a holistic approach, they connect key concepts from trauma, attachment theory, and the Enneagram to give you a clear roadmap for personal growth.

You'll get actionable tools and techniques for:

• Learning to be aware of subconscious patterns is crucial for personal growth.
• Mindfulness & Overthinking: Learn to identify and shift negative thought patterns to manage anxiety and overthinking.
• Emotional Regulation: Discover the power of emotional and somatic awareness to release stored stress and trauma from the body.
• Communication Skills: Improve your communication by expanding your emotional vocabulary and learning effective verbal processing.
• Self-Compassion: Practice soft resilience to be kinder to yourself and reframe negative self-talk. Becoming more flexible.
• By the end of this episode, you’ll have a guide to building healthier daily practices that can transform your relationships and help you feel more balanced.

download the Heart chart HERE

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Hey there Beautiful souls! In this powerful episode of Transforming Us, we're diving into one of the most fundamental human needs: connection. Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns? Or why some bonds feel so strong and others are fragile? The answer often lies in your attachment story.

Jessie and Tamara break down the science of relational attachment, exploring how our earliest experiences with parents, caregivers, and even adoption, create a blueprint for our adult relationships. We’ll talk about what "good enough" parenting really means and how attunement and deep emotional bonds are the building blocks for secure attachment and long-term resilience.

This episode is a journey of self-discovery. We’ll guide you through understanding your own attachment style and how tools like the Enneagram can illuminate ingrained patterns you might not even be aware of. We’ll also be honest about the tough stuff—like navigating the cognitive dissonance that comes with personal growth and the challenge of shedding old, protective parts of yourself to make room for healing.

Takeaways:

• Relational attachment starts from infancy and shapes our adult relationships.
• Secure attachment is not about perfection but about being attuned to a child's needs and repairing when necessary.
• Emotional bonds are crucial for resilience and strength in relationships.
• Healing unhealthy patterns requires self-awareness and effort.
• The Enneagram can provide insights into attachment styles and relationship dynamics.
• Transforming protective parts of ourselves is essential for growth.
• Understanding oneself is intertwined with knowing God.
• Loneliness can have severe chronic health implications.
• Repairing within intimate relationships is a normal part of the process.

Ultimately, this is about more than just your relationships with others. It's about a deeper understanding of yourself, which in turn leads to a more profound connection with God. Join us as we explore how healing our attachment wounds can disrupt old patterns and pave the way for a life of healthier, more secure connections.

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

In Episode 3 of Transforming Us, Jessie and Tamara delve into the essential practices of self-compassion and self-care, illuminating their profound impact on personal growth and emotional well-being. Join them as they explore how cultivating kindness towards yourself can transform your approach to relationship challenges.

This episode unpacks the vital role of emotional safety in building strong, healthy relationships, and how your faith can enhance your capacity for self-compassion. Discover how having grace for yourself fosters humility and authenticity, and how integrating difficult experiences builds true resilience.

Jessie and Tamara discuss the transformative power of self-care but also the necessary path to self-awareness. The episode highlights how understanding your emotional triggers and needs is crucial for personal development. They explore practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries and improving communication, connecting how growth often stems from facing hard truths. Learn how a growth mindset can help you embrace vulnerability and create new softer responses.

Takeaways:

• Self-compassion is essential for personal growth.
• Emotional safety is crucial in relationships.
• Resilience is built through self-compassion.
• Transformation often feels worse before it gets better.
• Curiosity about oneself leads to deeper understanding.
• Effective communication fosters understanding and support.
• Setting boundaries is vital for healthy relationships.
• Humility allows for authentic breakthroughs.
• Nurturing oneself is a key aspect of self-care.
• Recognizing one's inherent value is foundational for growth.

Practical Self Compassion: 3Ns

Notice - become aware of thoughts, feelings, body sensations.

Name - begin to name thoughts, emotions, and physical needs.

Nurture - be cared for by yourself or another person, let yourself have needs and emotions.

This conversation emphasizes that transformation in relationships is a continuous journey, requiring patience, practice, and a deep commitment to your own needs. Listen in as Jess and Tamara share personal anecdotes and insights, offering practical tools to cultivate a more compassionate and become more whole. They’ll provide you with the support you need to improve your soft resilience skills and your relationships through compassionate self-care.

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & A

Ready to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey?

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/