True North with Abby & Ryan

Before people can talk about God, they need to define what they mean by the word "God."

According to the Tao Te Ching, as soon as you define God, you're no longer defining all of what God is.

So, all we can do is question and riff. That's what we do in this episode.

Key topics:

• Can we know what God is?
• Can we separate God from religion?
• What is God without religion?
• What is religion without God? 
• Experiencing God vs. Believing in God

More topics:

• The tolerance paradox (re: preaching tolerance while not tolerating intolerance)
• How our belief in God helps or hinders our ability to be our best selves
  • Some people are their best selves when they believe in God
  • Some people are their worst selves because of their belief in God
• The other beliefs we attach to God (afterlife, sin/ethics, our purpose)
  • If you believe God is a male, you believe gender is a matter of identity and not biology
  • If you believe in hell and love people, you'll evangelize to literally everyone
• The need for systemic reform

Ryan's favorite quote about God:
“As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clearheaded science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my research about the atoms this much: There is no matter as such! All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particles of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. . . . We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”
-Max Planck

Quote about scripture vs. experience:
"When the bird and the book disagree, trust the bird."
-James Audubon

Abby & Ryan land on the idea that we are all different fingers on the same hand, and what we call "God" is the palm. Or, we are all different branches on the tree, and what we call "God" is the trunk.

 GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful that he's developed the tools to process the hard lessons he's learning right now.
• Abby is grateful for her Methodist upbringing.

MODEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

👄🤦‍♂️👖😬🥔🎵🤷‍♀️

We live in a culture of "positive" and "negative" emotions, which really comes down to emotions that we're uncomfortable feeling/seeing, and ones we're comfortable with. In this episode, we unpack this framework.

• There are certain situations where certain emotions are deemed appropriate or inappropriate. But why? People's comfort. Why are they uncomfortable with some emotions? Because they weren't taught to deal with those emotions themselves.
• Parenting - when it's hard for us to deal with our kids' expression of "difficult" emotions, we do well to check our "why's." Do we want to shut down their behaviors just because our parents shut down those behaviors in us? Give them "good" ways to communicate and articulate their interiors, rather than shut down the "bad" ways they default to.

Do you emotions define you?

• Who is the "you" in question? Your soul/essential self, or your constructed personality?
• What is your personality?
  • A conglomeration of the life lessons you came here to learn?
  • A mask you created to cope with your childhood dynamics?
• What do you do once you've identified the nature of your personality?
  • You can have a fixed mindset: "This is who I am, and it's who everyone should expect me to be from her on out."
  • You can have a growth mindset: "This is a reflection of my story thus far, but doesn't define the story I have yet to write."
• How do you cultivate personality growth?
  • Ryan constantly checks himself in the background and examines patterns when he notices them.
  • Abby has an intentional monthly check-in practice.

Moving from victimhood to empowerment

• Self compassion is a prerequisite to self forgiveness.
• Forgiving yourself is a prerequisite to forgiving others.
• Forgiving those in your past is a prerequisite to breaking the cycle in the future.
• Forgiving your parents keeps you from repeating their patterns.

Also, we're all connected. The past several generations of trauma are on our shoulders.

TIMECODES:
4:21 - Question of the episode
14:05 - Emotional expression and parenting
20:24 - Do your emotions define you?
29:01 - What to do with your personality type
34:46 - Shifting from victimhood to empowerment
43:33 - Generational trauma

 GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for the people in her life who reminder her how to be.
• Ryan is grateful for a rock he found in a graveyard.

  MODEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

🛳⛴🚢🛥🚤⛵️🚣‍♀️

Abby brings the questions and we ruminate on True Northy stuff.

"Forgive and forget" needs to be replaced by "Forgive and set boundaries." It's less catchy but man does it work better.

"An eye for an eye" (e.g. death penalty for murderers) is a terrible way to handle wrongdoing.

"My job in the life of those I love is to make it safe for them to find their own way, without any undue pressure from anyone - including me."  -Ryan's Uncle

"Insist on yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"All your time is free time; you're always free to do what you please. Sometimes, what pleases you most is fulfilling your commitments or taking care of others." - Ryan's Spirit Guide

What's something from today you'd like to take into tomorrow? That's what you're grateful for.

TIME CODES:
3:13 - Which is more important: Actions or Intentions?
6:11 - Which is more important: Justice (accountability & boundaries) or Forgiveness?
21:14 - Kellsterrrrrrr heard "Bowser"
21:39 - Can empathy be taught?
50:50 - Who is your Wayfinder?
 
 GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful that he burned his hand with 400-degree bacon grease.
• Abby is grateful that she's able to teach educators about the true power of gratitude.

 MODEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

🎒⛵️🎩🧜‍♀️ 🦜

The game is simple. Ryan rolls 5 dice, and both of them reveal what they would say if they could talk to the people they were at the age shown on the dice.

Also Ryan can't #math.

AGES:
2:48 - Age 17
13:00 - Age 23
24:29 - Age 12
42:22 - Age 15

Fun twist ending: Look yourself in the mirror and tell your present self all the things you told these past versions of yourself.

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful that she went through darkness by which she can understand the light.
• Ryan is grateful for the people who have responded well to him bringing stuff up he was worried would start fights.

MODEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

✨🦋✨👖🎵

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.

Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences.
 
Can we change??

• Conditioning/programming? Ryan says no, Abby says yes. Ryan eventually says maybe.
• Actions/behaviors? Abby & Ryan agree that we can absolutely change those.
• Nature vs. Nurture. The stuff we can change is nurture, but we mistake a LOT of nurture stuff for nature stuff.

The Transtheoretical Change Model

1. Pre-contemplation (unconscious incompetence) - Grief: Denial
2. Contemplation (conscious incompetence A) - Grief: Anger
3. Preparation (conscious incompetence B) - Grief: Bargaining
4. Action (conscious competence) - Grief: Depression
5. Maintenance (unconscious competence) - Grief: Acceptance

When you're an adult working through this cycle, your inner traumatized child has already gone through it (the trauma was the first change cycle), and is in maintenance mode. The change cycle you go through as an adult is the process of healing from the part of you that's in maintenance mode.

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful that Abby gave him clarity on his message during this episode.
• Abby is grateful for the people in her life who give her opportunities to practice choosing to be her best self.

TIME CODES:
3:00 - Body Tests
7:15 - Alexithymia & Trauma
18:21 - Can people really change?
45:40 - The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change
   
 MODEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

🏺 🥓🍇🤷‍♀️

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
  "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
  Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
  $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses
 
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** 'NOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is leaving the True North Tribe**
 
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Following your True North means frequently realigning to make sure you're still headed toward your True North. This can mean letting go of things that served you when you started them, but which don't serve you now. 
 
When reevaluating your commitments/agreements, ask yourself WHY you made them, and WHY you're still choosing to keep them. Ideally...

• ...you'll say yes to things only because they align with you.
• ...you'll say no to things only because they don't align with you.

If the answer is something else, ask yourself if you really need to continue keeping that commitment, and ask what it would look like to leave it behind and create space for things that are more aligned with you.

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for her father-in-law.
• Ryan is grateful that Abby continues to show up with her raw self.

  
 MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]

😩😫😭

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
 "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
 Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
 $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses
 
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'Nother announcement: Ryan's audio is still bad. Boo.

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Question from a Tribe member: "Perhaps censorship is when you feel forced to censor you speech/actions from an external source (like someone else is shutting you down) and a boundary is when you choose for yourself not to engage?" 
 
Censorship is controlling what others are allowed to put out.
Setting boundaries is managing what you allow yourself to take in.

Boundaries aren't a control mechanism because people always have the option to ignore them. No one is being robbed of their autonomy.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor Roosevelt

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful for our newest tribe member, whose timing represents a fresh start in his mind.
• Abby is grateful for the people in her life who are willing to tell her how they feel, even if they anticipate she won't react in love and light.

TIME CODES:
1:11 - Question of the episode
6:56 - Boundaries in relationships
20:45 - Why boundaries aren't censorship
28:58 - When is it okay to censor people?
44:19 - Is it toxic or are you just offended?
 
 MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]

📦🐢🦆☕️

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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Also, Ryan's audio is bad cause computers and software are rude.

QUESTION:
a) What's a part of yourself you have difficulty accepting?
b) What part of yourself do you have no problem accepting?

RYAN:
a) The parts of me that demonstrate I still have growing to do (TikTok example: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRCw1cxB/)

ABBY:
a) The part of me that has influence on others and makes a positive difference
b) The part of me that's a pillar of strength for those going through difficulty


How do we balance between meeting people where they are and letting them be where they are on their own personal journey, and speaking up to create a world you believe is in everyone's highest good? One seems to demand staying out of other people's way and releasing what's out of our control, and the other seems to demand exerting control over others if we perceive they're headed toward harming themselves or others. Where do we draw the line in terms of imposing our "shoulds" on others to prevent them from causing harm?

"The shortest distance between two people is a story" -Patti Digh

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful for Cathy Cassani-Adams' new book, Zen Parenting: Caring for Ourselves and Our Children in an Unpredictable World. Pre-order here: https://found.ee/ZenParenting
• Abby is grateful that we live in a world where all these social justice conversations are even happening

TIME CODES:
1:43 - Question of the Episode
5:54 - Men making the world unsafe for women
23:55 - Abby pokes at why Ryan spoke up
43:03 - Start with your story and go from there
 
 MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]

🍌🐢🥓

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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In this episode, we talk about GUILT.

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams

"Guilt is something abusers use to control you." — a True North Tribe member

Defining our terms:

• Regret: "I dislike that the past is what it is."
• Remorse: "I dislike that I contributed to someone else's suffering."
• Guilt: "Someone else dislikes what I did/am doing/want to do."

Guilt = a "should" + not being here (someone else's business) AND/OR not being now (past actions or future plans)

Antidote to guilt: mindfulness, presence, staying in your business.

Your brain is always working to figure out how to systematize life so that it can run on autopilot as often as possible. You can shift your autopilot into a habit of asking yourself if you're being your best in this moment.

Need a nervous system reset? Leave the environment, move your body, wash your hands.

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful people and organizations who are here to help others through the challenges of going through suicide and childhood cancer.
• Ryan is grateful that the pro-women's rights folks in Texas are exercising their own power to build the world they want to live in (re: Texas SB8 and the women's march coming up on 10/2)

TIME CODES:
7:51 - Topic: Guilt
11:39 - Regret vs. Remorse vs. Guilt
14:14 - Q: Is guilt possible if we're in our own business?
25:21 - Mommy Guilt & Patriarchy
46:45 - Body work to re-center

MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]

🥩🍟🥐🍇

**MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is on TikTok @indigoabby**

**SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**
"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"
Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST
$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses

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In this episode, we dig into what emotional maturity means, and venture into discussing emotional regulation and relationship dynamics.

• Do you come from a place of victimhood or empowerment?
• Do you own your own shit?
• Do you own other people's shit?
• Are you in the habit of being aware of your emotional situation?

When someone triggers you:

1. Own that the fact that YOU'RE offended has everything to do with YOU (someone else could've experienced the exact same thing and not been offended). You can do that work with yourself without any participation/requirement from them.
2. Understand that if they MEANT to hurt you, they have their own wounds that THEY need to heal. They can do that work with themselves with no participation/requirement from you.
3. You can each be a part of each other's healing process IF you are BOTH willing AND able.

If you want to know what you're here to learn, look at what your parents suck at.

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful for BECCA CHOATE
• Abby is grateful that her sister Sarah is in town!!

1:27 - Abby's on TikTok!
4:34 - Q: What does "Emotional Maturity" mean to you?
24:35 - Emotional Regulation
37:14 - Real-life examples

MODEETS:

• Register for our live event at truenorth11.com
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Catch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mystic
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]

🔨🐉🎵🏠