True North with Abby & Ryan

Just a quick note to say thanks, and that we'll be back.

Also, a special note from Abby.

Also also, we love you all.

Abby & Ryan

When you say "feelings," you're either talking about emotions or physical sensations. So use those words instead.

Feeling agitated/triggered? Focus more on why you're feeling that way and less on the thing that caused those emotions.

Regret:

• Unhealthy - "If I had done X differently, Y would have gone more favorably, and I'm disappointed that it didn't go that way."
• Healthy - "How could I have been better then, and how can I use that to be better now?"

Being present: "What's happening is happening, and it is what it is."
Being present with someone: "I'm in this with you" 

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for the family who runs her son's school
• Ryan is grateful for his new job

TIME CODES:
0:22 - Centering & check-in 🧘‍♀️
9:10 - Abby is feeling agitated! 😡
13:42 - Ryan regrets being full of shit 💩
28:32 - Presence 🎁🤷‍♀️
29:50 - Active listening 👂
31:38 - "Embrace the Silence" 🔇
43:25 - Presence with strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, and self 🧍‍♂️(🧍‍♀️)🧍
51:58 - Why Ryan is triggered by the phrase "True North" ⬆️
1:01:39 - Gratitudes 🙏

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

We discuss what (you think) the state of your house says about you to visitors,  we debrief Abby's process of working through being triggered by a Facebook post (https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10221270460445886 by Jessica Manuszak, founder of I Love You The Monsters), and riff on how to build bridges with people whose opinions are polar opposites from yours, without compromising your ideals or condoning their behaviors (spoiler alert: it's digging deep enough to see yourself in them, and extending an olive branch to form a meaningful human connection, if one can be made with healthy boundaries and mutual respect).

TIME CODES:
2:32 - Housekeeping
13:03 - That Facebook post
28:56 - Squelch
38:11 - Empathy as an antidote to polarization
50:55 - Exposure as an antidote to bigotry

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for her BABYSITTER AGAIN.
• Ryan is grateful that he actually managed to clean his office.

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

Once upon a time, Ryan did something crazy and asked Rob Bell to be on his podcast. Then, Rob did something even crazier and said yes. In this episode, we discuss finding and following your True North, seeing yourself in others as an antidote to polarization, and why Abby might just be the more religious than she thinks.

TIME CODES:
6:19 - Seeing ourselves in others
17:16 - Finding/following your True North (spoiler: it's Presence)
29:00 - "You will have everything you need when you need it"
30:28 - Brains trying to solve heart problems
31:33 - Joy
36:52 - Religion vs. Spirituality
49:44 - Ryan's Ultimate Invitation

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful that medical science can tackle big things like childhood cancer.
• Rob is grateful that he can relate to people in meaningful ways, across great distances, with incredible ease.
• Ryan is grateful for the Bell Curve and the Bell Hop. Hah. Just watch the video.

ROB'S DEETS:

• Everything Is Spiritual (book) - robbell.com/portfolio/everything-is-spiritual
• Everything Is Spiritual (film) - robbell.com/portfolio/everything-is-spiritual-2016-tour-film
• The RobCast - robbell.com/portfolio/robcast
• Instagram - @realrobbell

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

CORRECTION: Ryan referred to Alison Bechdel as a "he" because he didn't do his homework on who actually created the Bechdel test 🤦‍♂️

________________

We live in a man-centric world, and there are things men can do with little to no systemic consequence that female, gender fluid, and nonbinary people can't. We dive into gender roles, systemic misogyny, toxic masculinity, and most importantly, what we can do about it.

"Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Actionable steps to dismantle your own unconscious biases towards a man-centric culture:

1. Notice where your language is man-centric (you guys, oh boy, oh man, oh brother)
2. Notice how women are represented in the media (Bechdel Test - bechdeltest.com)
3. Examine cultural gender norms, why they exist, and whether or not they still should (baby dolls and toy kitchens are "girl toys," and then we wonder why grown men can't nurture or cook)
4. Notice when you fall into behaviors and thought patterns that promote patriarchy
5. CHOOSE WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS STUFF
6. If you're a guy, join MenLiving (it's free) to do this work with men who are also doing it (menliving.org)

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for people who love doing things she doesn't.
• Ryan is grateful for his mom.

TIMECODES:
2:02 - Ryan sparks a rant about how problematic it is that toxic masculinity is so normalized and embedded in our culture.
15:50 - Allyship (lookin at you, menfolk)
20:30 - Misogyny in relationships 
38:28 - Misogyny in the media
56:36 - Gender norms

MORE DEETS:

• Buy Ryan's cardigan at https://www.walmart.com/ip/Terra-Sky-Women-s-Plus-Size-Textured-Cardigan/152519611
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan plunges a normal Thanksgiving conversation right into social justice and racial equality. Don't worry, we recover (at 23:26), but not before addressing the origins of Thanksgiving, and how it might feel to indigenous people that we still celebrate it.

Abby has questions!

• What are you grateful for?
• How did you come up with your kid's name?
• What's your favorite way to give back and help others?
• Who was your favorite teacher?

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful for the True North Tribe
• Abby is grateful for her BFF Becky

TIME CODES:
1:22 - Reconciling holiday traditions with allyship and advocacy
34:00 - Abby's Thanksgiving questions

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby & Ryan revisit the topic of ADHD, and dig deeper into how it's a gift. There may be a scientific name for your neurological wiring, but that label doesn't define you. It will present challenges that neurotypical people don't face, but it also presents advantages neurotypical people don't get. You get to choose whether you see it as a blessing or a curse.

Diversity is beauty. #rta

Name your interiors. Admit what you want, even if it's irrational, unfair, immature, or unreasonable. ESPECIALLY if it's those things. As soon as you say it out loud, it becomes something tangible you can interact with, process, critique, and develop.

You define what you are (read: what you're worth) based on what you're comparing yourself to. Here's how to navigate that:

1. Realize that you're comparing yourself
2. Notice what you're comparing yourself to
3. Evaluate why you compare yourself to those things
4. Investigate what part of your identity is wrapped up in them
5. Cultivate a self-love and self-acceptance practice to dismantle your drive to define your worth by how YOU measure up to NOT-YOU things.
6. Plug into a tribe of people who can lovingly help you do this work.

GRATITUDE:

• Ryan is grateful for a friend of his who has helped him manage life with ADHD
• Abby is grateful for 1) her friend who helped her shift her perspective around people's receptivity to the Gratitude Tree Project, and 2) the amount of buzz it's created!

TIMECODES:
1:45 - More ADHD
15:55 - Letting someone sit in their muck
23:29 - Naming Your Interiors
31:09 - Reference Points

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby & Ryan ask and answer audience-submitted questions for a blind AMA!

Q'S FOR RYAN:
03:11 - What is one thing that might make people think Ryan is crazy?
04:32 - Has Ryan found his True North? What is it?
09:57 - What would Ryan do with a glue stick, a paper clip, and a rubber band?
11:42 - If Ryan could design a super hero that represents him, who would it be?
17:49 - What's a song or artist Ryan wouldn't admit that he secretly loves?
21:01 - What is the one thing Ryan wants his kid to do, so he can do it too?
23:57 - What's the one thing Ryan wants to do the most in this life, but it scares him just a little too much?
24:56 - What will Ryan avoid doing more than anything in life?
27:00 - How long does it take Ryan to produce a single episode of the podcast?
29:27 - What's one thing Ryan knows now that he'd travel back in time to tell pre-podcast Ryan?
29:39 - What goes do Ryan and Abby have for the show?
30:26 - What is in Ryan's road trip must-have snack bag?

Q'S FOR ABBY:
33:23 - What was Abby's favorite backyard olympic event?
36:15 - Can intuition look like fear or resistance?
39:09 - What is the one experience Abby doesn't want to miss out on in this lifetime?
41:12 - If Abby could create a Crayola color that represents her, what would it be?
43:07 - What snack would Abby make for herself if no one would ever find out?
43:50 - What's one thing Abby would learn right now if she had no limitations?
46:04 - What types of emergencies would Abby step up for? Which ones would she run from?
48:52 - What's Abby's most embarrassing childhood memory that she can laugh about now?
53:34 - What kind of spirit guide would Abby be, and who would she guide?

MORE RESOURCES:

• PlayPauseBe Yoga card deck: playpausebe.com
• Get It Together by The Go! Team: youtu.be/ht0yLJt7K4I

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for Ryan jumping in and producing this podcast with her!
• Ryan is grateful for all the growth-fuel Abby has given him in the process of producing it.

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan has ADHD and Abby is an HSP. We discuss what it's like to live with those traits, and how we feel about how our society views them.

Also Ryan is all mucky and weaponizing his gratitude practice to combat the muck. This is not ideal. Abby helps him see that. Here are her five tools for when you're in the dumps and can't get out:

1. Move your body
2. Socialize (however you can)
3. Practice gratitude
4. Feel your feelings
5. Eat good shit and don't eat bad shit

We also commiserate on how hard it is to make big decisions that will uproot your entire life, and the lives of those around you. This shit ain't easy, folks.

**WHAT'S IN YOUR HIGHEST GOOD IS ALSO IN THE HIGHEST GOOD OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU. #RTA**

It's okay to be where you are. You are right where you're supposed to be. Promise.

GRATITUDE:

• Ryan is grateful for his ADHD (but not really)
• Abby is grateful for her son

TIME CODES:
1:43 - Ryan's ADHD
12:08 - Neurodivergence
34:33 - Abby's 5 Coping Mechanisms
37:47 - Burning it all down
56:41 - Abby on motherhood

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at tinyurl.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com

November is Gratitude Month! Abby themed this year's Gratitude Month around Self Love and Connection. Learn more about the Gratitude Tree Project at indigocoaching.net/gratitude-tree. Make your own - it's literally beneficial to your physical wellbeing, because science.

Gratitude offsets negativity bias, boosts feelings of connection and pleasure, and also doesn't happen on its own.

Ryan is sharing his self-coaching document, "For When You're Feeling Defensive" at tinyurl.com/FWYFD. Use it when you feel defensive. Save it to your phone. Change it as needed, to meet your own defensiveness situation.

Defending yourself against critique = defending yourself from connection.

Past Self Regression:

1. You have key experiences between 0 and 25 years old.
2. You repeatedly attract situations and relationships that recreate those experiences until you fully process them.
3. When you recreate them, you revert to the person you were when you originally experienced them.
4. Know this, own this, and work WITH it, not AGAINST it.

Mantra for looking at your past: "it all happened the way it was supposed to happen."
Mantra for looking at your present: "you are exactly where you are supposed to be."

GRATITUDE:

• Ryan is grateful that his soul got a massage. Just listen to the episode for that to make sense. Also, Abby doesn't read the show notes so I can say here that songs have souls pppbpbpbpttttt.
• Abby is grateful for the people who asked her to make the Gratitude Tree an actual thing, AND the science nerds who study gratitude.

TIMECODES:

• 1:38 - Gratitude Tree
• 4:32 - Abby is still GAY
• 15:27 - Negativity Bias
• 23:09 - For When You're Feeling Defensive
• 35:49 - Past Self Regression
• 43:43 - Quotes
• 55:21 - Gratitudes

MORE DEETS:

• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11
• Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.net
• Get ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.net
• Follow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyan
• Watch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTube
• Email us at [email protected]
• Stalk us at truenorth11.com