True North with Abby & Ryan

One of our patrons started a conversation in our Tribe group about choosing to disappoint others before disappointing ourselves, and whether or not that's selfish.

In this episode, we unpack this concept, and throw around our thoughts on various relational arenas it touches:

• Being willing to shed relationships with people who don't hold space for you to be a whole person.
• Being detached, yet invested: it's like playing video games.
• You're not trying to change the other; you're inviting them to partner with you in changing your shared environment.
• If you think of someone as selfish, dig into why that's a problem for you.
• Narcissism. In theory, their bullshit won't bother you if you're walking in your True North.
• Bottom line: how they act is on them. How you feel about it is on you.
• Looking externally for love? Validation? Worth? Self-healing is your path to find those within.
• The relationships you attract are mirrors of where you're looking.
  • Looking backward at your childhood trauma? You'll attract people who recreate those patterns.
  • Looking forward at your True North? You'll attract people who are building what you're building.
• Self-awareness without self-acceptance is a recipe for a meeeaaaan inner critic. You HAVE to have compassion on yourself.

GRATITUDE:

• Abby is grateful that she found a school for her son! YAY!!
• Ryan is grateful for a friend who kicked his ass to get shit done.

OTHER RESOURCES:

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle: https://amzn.to/3gXz8Nh
• Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur: https://amzn.to/30SjKwi

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

Abby & Ryan explore the nuances of being a safe place in relationship:

• What if your partner is abusive?
• What if you're abusive?
• What if both people are?

Is there ever a time to be in other people's business?

• When you're watching someone hurt someone else?
• When it's an act of love for someone else?

Abby & Ryan refine their terms. "Being in your business" equals:

• Do own your shit.
• Don't avoid owning your shit.
• Don't own other people's shit.
• Do avoid owning other people's shit.

GRATITUDE:

• Abby is grateful that her father-in-law's second round of bladder cancer surgery went well!
• Ryan is grateful that his kid's preschool teacher reminded him that having a great day is a matter of choice, rather than circumstance.

Byron Katie Resources:

• Loving What Is on Amazon
• Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet - The Work

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

1:17 - Digging vs. Fighting

23:36 - Rephrasing Good/Evil, Light/Dark, etc. (spoiler: Presence/Absence)

30:20 - The Parable of the Two Warring Wolves (Soul vs. Ego)

#RTA: "Under the assumption that your soul comes into this life with a very specific prescription of lessons it wants to learn here, your Ego is a collection of those lessons, expressed through what they would look like if unlearned."

42:47 - Abby & Ryan rehash the time he pissed her off 😮🤭😬

54:36 - What to do when you feel like an asshole

1:00:33 - The Four Levels of Listening

• Ear listening - hearing the words they're saying
• Body listening - hearing what they're really saying / the thing behind the thing
• Heart listening - seeing their perspective / meeting them where the are
• Soul listening - seeing them soul-to-soul, as an equal, in love

GRATITUDE

• Abby is grateful for the time she was able to spend in nature this past weekend.
• Ryan is grateful that he's finally beginning the journey he's waited his entire life to begin.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

3:32 - Soul Groups

7:42 - Our Life's Blueprint

16:14 - The Secret to Happiness

17:12 - Spiritual Alchemy

24:51 - Counsel of Elders

26:43 - How to Start Meditating

30:37 - Everything is Energy

32:50 - If the Universe is all Love and Light, then where does negativity/evil come from?

34:39 - What to do when you're just so dang angry all the time! When you're dangry!!!

38:47 - How to start believing you're worthy of love

41:05 - When a Loved One dies

48:12 - Past Life Regression

MORE DEETS:

• Kathleen Tucci's Website: https://www.kathleentucci.com/
• Meditation Music - Stephen Halpern
• The Writings of Alchemist Manly P. Hall
• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

1:14 - How can anyone even begin being able to live in their True North??

14:57 - Turtle steps

22:15 - Burn it all down

28:00 - Presence

• I am here.
• I am here.
• I am here.

37:48 - Disconnection from our bodies = disconnection from our emotions & souls.

49:12 - Side note: it's easier to love your body when you quit spending so much time hating it.

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for the front desk person at her chiropractor's office who met her where she was, and made her feel not alone.
• Ryan is grateful for the fact that he had the capacity to show up for this recording.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

What story are you telling yourself?

• "Bad stuff is because of me; good stuff is because of everyone else"
• Are you the victim the hero?

Your suffering isn't caused by what happens; it's caused by how you interpret what happens, and how you feel about that interpretation.

7:24 - The widow experience

12:02 - Modeling

• Toddler tantrum? Self regulate.
• Bruce Lee's "the art of fighting without fighting"
• Let your kids see you express your emotions.

18:52 - Slow Down

• Ryan rambles a lot.
• Ryan also writes these show notes.
• Ryan's telling himself a story right now about how he really needs to learn how to not talk quite so much on this damn podcast.
• Ryan's trying to figure out how to tell himself a different story.
• Ryan's debating publishing this bullet list in the actual show notes.
• Ryan's tired of talking about himself in the third person.
  
  

33:58 - Ryan's still fucking rambling.

39:04 - Abby on forgiving herself

47:51 - It's so freakin' hard to say good things about yourself!

GRATITUDE

• Ryan is grateful for all the previous versions of himself who did current-him the favor of putting in the time to cultivate a solid toolbox for handling life's challenges.
• Abby is grateful that she has the tools to get back to Love and Light when she loses her way.

Other Stuff:

• Apparently the frequency of love is 528 hz
• “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.” - Mark Twain
• "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." - Old Proverb

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

2:30 - Abby believes some people are reincarnated as animals and come back to us as pets.

4:50 - Speaking your truth. Abby doesn't do it enough; Ryan does it too much.

30:11 - "You are precisely as small as what you allow to annoy you."

40:39 - What if your #1 priority in relationship was to be a safe place for the other person?

GRATITUDE

• Abby is grateful for having had space lately to tend to her own soul.
• Ryan is grateful for his therapist.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

1:45 - Ryan's a healer who's not healing anyone. Why??

17:38 - Ryan opens up about perpetually feeling inadequate.

36:10 - Abby posits that Ryan's life as a healer starts with him healing two very specific past versions of himself.

45:00 - Ryan struggles to trust himself to be truly authentic. Abby pushes back.

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan has ugly-cry gratitude for the people in his life who see him for who he truly is - apart from what he does or how he acts - and love what they see.
• Abby is grateful that, when she has faith in the Universe, the Universe delivers.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

1:44 - Telling other people's stories

• "I experience you as" instead of "you are"
• "What I'm hearing is" instead of "you're saying"

9:22 - F-bomb

10:20 - Ryan's dead grandfather visited, he has a film shoot coming up, and he's getting sick. Correlation?

22:14 - How to be an empath: stand up to your ankles in a trough of dirt.

32:07 - F-bomb
33:21 - F-bomb

33:08 - Abby is avoiding life-giving forces in response to 2020 being an asshole. Ryan invites her to ditch her all-or-nothing mindset and pick up her spiritual practices a little at a time.

36:31 - F-bomb (technically she just said "fuhhhhdammit" but it still counts)
38:05 - F-bomb
59:22 - F-bomb

GRATITUDES:

• Abby is grateful for the free time her lack of job has afforded her as of late.
• Ryan is grateful for a stranger named Kristi Fitzgerald.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11

1:00 - Apologies

22:34 - Taking responsibility for pain we cause

27:53 - What does it mean to love someone?

GRATITUDE:

• Abby is grateful for the people in her life who show up and meet her exactly where she is.
• Ryan is grateful that being an Ally is a thing.

MORE DEETS:

• Email us at [email protected]
• Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11