Patricia Lage's belief that witches make fortune cookies is part of a larger theme within American Christian Nationalism that refuses to accept that anything good can come from any culture other than white protestant Christianity. That's why Patricia Lage, a spiritual advisor to Donald Trump, believes that yoga is witchcraft, and dream catchers are witchcraft, and hypnosis is witchcraft, and yes, that fortune cookies are witchcraft. Patricia Lage of Holy Spirit Led Ministries even believes that rosary beads are a form of witchcraft, because in her zealous insistence that no other form of religion be allowed besides her own, she can't even tolerate Catholic Christianity. Christian Nationalists, once they defeat non-Christians, always start targeting other Christians, eventually, finding heretics and burning them at the stake.

This episode of Stop Christian Nationalism features an original song in our Country Music Against Christian Nationalism series. This week, the title of the song is Fortune Cookie Witchcraft. The lyrics are as follows:

What's going on

out there?

[Verse]

There's a woman

a faith healer

says she fights demons

a scene stealer

uses magic to stop the rain

shouts to Jesus to heal your pain

says she can take the dead

out of their graves

and make them live again.

[Bridge]

We all know

that's not reality.

No one has magic powers.

There are no spells.

No monsters.

No demons.

No zombies.

But there's more

[Chorus]

She says fortune cookies

are a kind of witchcraft.

She says fortune cookies

are an evil spell and that

if you eat fortune cookies

you'll go to hell

because those fortune cookies

are made by witches.

Not the cute kind

but the evil kind

that consorts

with Satan.

[Bridge]

Wooooooo

Fortune cookie witches

are going to get you.

Wooooooo

Fortune cookie witches

will take you to hell.

[Verse]

So this woman

who is afraid of evil cookies.

is not a normal kind

of religious kooky.

She's part of Donald Trump's campaign

Trump has mentioned her by name

She is helping Donald Trump

climb out of his grave

to become President again.

[Chorus]

She says fortune cookies

are a kind of witchcraft.

She says fortune cookies

are an evil spell and that

if you eat fortune cookies

you'll go to hell

because those fortune cookies

are made by witches.

Not the cute kind

but the evil kind

that consorts

with Satan.

[Bridge]

I don't want

a President

who gets

advice

from

crazy people

who believe

fortune cookies

are evil

the work of the Devil.

[Bridge]

Woooooo

I want a President

who lives in reality.

Woooooo

No Donald Trump

for me.

Please.