President Trump discovers that hosting the World Cup gives him more leverage than a UN Security Council seat, threatening to move games away from cities run by "radical left lunatics" while holding cards on Israel's potential soccer suspension. Melania launches a Christmas ornament collection in October featuring American landmarks for ninety dollars each - because nothing says holiday spirit like spending that much on a miniature Statue of Liberty. And Los Angeles approves a one million dollar two-stall bathroom at Runyon Canyon, proving that even porta potty upgrades can become budget disasters in California. That's nearly half a million dollars per toilet, making this the most expensive place to take a break in American history.