Two Boys in a Balcony

Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a MURDER in the Balcony. WHODUNIT FOLKS?? Was it Mr Jaundice with the bootleg Moderna in the ATRIUM?! Was it Mrs Puce with JNCO jeans in the LAUNDRENETTE?!?! OR was it THE BALCONY BOYS IN THE BALCONY WITH LAUGHS?!?!?!?! It was Mrs Puce. We are still looking for motive however investigators discovered she'd recently watched the 1985 murder comedy Clue. Ok. Bye.

Bill: Well Sean, I'm going to Boston with you. You know The Guy Who Manages The Red Sox, the Red Sox's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Sean: Look Bill, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Bill: I certainly do.

Sean: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Bill: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Sean: You mean funny names?

Bill: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Sean: His brother Daffy.

Bill: Daffy Dean...

Sean: And their French cousin.

Bill: French?

Sean: Goofé.

Bill: Goofé Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Sean: That's what I want to find out.

Bill: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Sean: Are you the manager?

Bill: Yes.

Sean: You gonna be the coach too?

Bill: Yes.

Sean: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Bill: Well I should.

Sean: Well then who's on first?

Bill: Yes.

Sean: I mean the fellow's name.

Bill: Who.

Sean: The guy on first.

Bill: Who.

Sean: The first baseman.

Bill: Who.

Sean: The guy playing...

Bill: Who is on first!

Sean: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Bill: That's the man's name.

Sean: That's who's name?

Bill: Yes.

Sean: Well go ahead and tell me.

Bill: That's it.

Sean: That's who?

Bill: Yes.

PAUSE

Sean: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Bill: Certainly.

Sean: Who's playing first?

Bill: That's right.

Sean: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Bill: Every dollar of it.

Sean: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Bill: Who.

Sean: The guy that gets...

Bill: That's it.

Sean: Who gets the money...

Bill: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Sean: Who's wife?

Bill: Yes.

PAUSE

Bill: What's wrong with that?

Sean: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Bill: Who.

Sean: The guy.

Bill: Who.

Sean: How does he sign...

Bill: That's how he signs it.

Sean: Who?

Bill: Yes.

PAUSE

Sean: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Bill: No. What is on second base.

Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Bill: Who's on first.

Sean: One base at a time!

Bill: Well, don't change the players around.

Sean: I'm not changing nobody!

Bill: Take it easy, buddy.

Sean: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Bill: That's right.

Sean: Ok.

Bill: All right.

PAUSE

Sean: What's the guy's name on first base?

Bill: No. What is on second.

Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Bill: Who's on first.

Sean: I don't know.

Bill: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Sean: Now how did I get on third base?

Bill: Why you mentioned his name.

Sean: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Bill: No. Who's playing first.

Sean: What's on first?

Bill: What's on second.

Sean: I don't know.

Bill: He's on third.

Sean: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Sean: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Bill: All right, what do you want to know?

Sean: Now who's playing third base?

Bill: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Sean: What am I putting on third.

Bill: No. What is on second.

Sean: You don't want who on second?

Bill: Who is on first.

Sean: I don't know.

Bill & Sean Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Sean: Look, you gotta outfield?

Bill: Sure.

Sean: The left fielder's name?

Bill: Why.

Sean: I just thought I'd ask you.

Bill: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Sean: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Bill: Who's playing first.

Sean: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Bill: No, What is on second.

Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Bill: Who's on first!

Sean: I don't know.

Bill & Sean Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Sean: The left fielder's name?

Bill:

Look we all know that Bush did 9/11 but was it all just retaliation for the 2000 expose the Skulls peeling back the secrets of the clandestine Yale group? Who can really say? All I know is that ever since I wrote that sentence my wifi has stopped working and a giant Q popped up on my screen. Oh well! That's what I get for not keeping my virus software up to date!

With karate, I'll kick your ass from here to right over there. Ladies and gentlemen, this movie stinks. We're sorry. It's why we're switching over to Best Picture winners because even when a Best Picture winner sucks, it's at least-awarding winning as opposed to the Next Karate Kid which is bad. Anywho, stick around for the end for the debut of Bill McMorrow Esq's new hit single, Karate!, a real song that he probably even wrote!

Ladies and gentlemen, have we got a flippin flick for you today! In the two years, we've been doing this podcast, we've scoured lists upon lists of the best New England films and for what ever reason, this one never pops up but if you're looking for forensic crime films in the vein of Zodiac and another example that I can't think of, then check out this true crime drama, the Boston Strangler starring Henry Fonda and Tony Curtis. It's both a bone dry crime scene investigation and a weird surreal late 60s trip. It rules. I wish it was pure fiction. Thoughts and prayers but we try to be as respectful as possible and almost certainly completely fail in that pursuit.

Ladies and gentlemen, today, the balcony gives you a choice... a weapon of choice if you will... if you could touch my hand and see that you're about to have an hour and fifteen minutes of fun time, party boy riffs, would you still try to assassinate the two boys in the balcony? No. You wouldn't. It's the Dead Zone with Christopher Walken! Don't worry... at no point do either boy make it even close to a Christopher Walken impression!

Ahoy! Today the Balcony Boys are dipping their toes back into the GCU (the Gillespie Cinematic Universe) to look at I, Tonya director Craig Gillespie's 2016 totally fine, the Finest Hours, a movie that Bill swears he saw rushing the Capital Steps during the failed insurrection and thus he would see hung for treason but Sean knows is just a perfectly fine watchable movie about a ship sinking or something. It's wet!

Whoa ho! It's a New Year! New Pod! The boys have had I, Tonya on the schedule for awhile now and since we have no confidence in the 2020 Winter Olympics actually happening in 2021, we figured no time like the present to watch 2017's I, Tonya, the Tonya Harding biopic anchored with four absolutely killer performances. It's a good one. Enjoy.

What ho! Has a Charles Dickens references crept over into the Balcony? Are the boys becoming hardcore Dickheads or did they just watch a steaming pile of Christmas pudding this week from 1986 called the Best of Times. The Best of Times it certainly wasn't! Gene Shalit! It stinks! Jay Sherman! We end Russellmania season on the worst of notes because instead of this we could have watched Used Cars, The Thing, Overboard, Captain Ron, Escape from New York, Escape from LA, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Once Upon A Time in Hollywood, The Hateful 8, Furious 7, F8te of the Furious, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Soldier, Executive Decision, Stargate, Tombstone, Backdraft, Tango & Cash, or The Thing again. Instead, we watched the Best of Times cause we're idiots. Fare thee well, Springfield Massachusetts's favorite son! We'll see you on the other side of the bells

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum! The Balcony boys are feeling festive and celebrating the reason for the season, KURT RUSSELL, who incredibly has cemented himself as one of the all-time great cinematic Santas with the very charming and fun 2018 Netflix original film The Christmas Chronicles! What a romp! The story of a family of true believers accidentally ruining Christmas and then having the wherewithal to set things straight? It'll warm the dead cockles of your heart!

The Christmas Chronicles 2, on the other hand, sucks all the shit and should be avoided at all costs! It's a Balcony divided but a Balcony united! It's Buy one, get a bag of trash free in the Balcony! Happy Holidays! Blessed be the baby Christ born this day December 23, 2020!