Two Boys in a Balcony

Beep boop beep boop the podcast wore podcast pods! It's week three of Russelmania or Kurt Russmas or the month where we watch a bunch of Kurt Russell movies cause who cares anymore? Springfield's most famous son (go f yourself, Doctor Suess). It's baby Kurt week cause we watched the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes a movie that posits that computers make you smarter but I would suggest watching this movie made me dumber. Hi. I am Sean Sullivan from Two Boys in a Balcony and I no joke think I fell asleep at one point during this episode. Bill says funny things but I really have unraveled.

Folks, Sean here. I've been doing goddamn daily podcasts everyday and I'm going insane. Yes, Bill, I forgot to put in the theme song. No, Bill, I probably can't fix it right now. Sorry. I needed to get a little business out of the way to let Bill know I forgot to put in the theme. ANYWHO WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM CAN I HAVE ANOTHER! It's Big Trouble in Little China week here in the Balcony and boy howdy did this thing sail clean over our heads. Good luck!

About six months ago, one of the idiots of this show discovered that beloved human actor Kurt Russell was born in Springfield, Massachusetts and he is now forever our favorite son and we have decided to dedicate this last month of this especially shitty year to only watching his movies and we kicked things off with a patriotic banger! Miracle tells the origin story of a bunch of Wall Street scumbums and how they single handedly prevented nuclear war. It's a heart-warming tale that even Sean, a man who hates hockey, got sucked into. It's emotionally manipulative filmmaking at it's best!

ALSO NEW LIMITED-RUN PODCAST ANNOUNCEMENT!

Sean decided life in 2020 wasn't hectic enough and launched a special 25 day audio advent calendar where he watches a different version of a Christmas Carol every day. Why did he do this? Because he's a moron. New episodes daily through Christmas. Lots of Balcony approved guests! Synergy!

25 Days of  A Christmas Carol https://t.co/LmY4SR4mtq?amp=1

If you came hear looking for a scholarly dissection of Oliver Stone's paranoid masterpiece JFK, KEEP ON TRUCKIN' SISTER CAUSE THIS AINT THE PLACE! However if you'd love to hear two idiots talk around a three hour movie about the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, we might be able to do a little business together. Was it the Cubans? Was it the CIA? Was it the gay legitimate businessmen of New Orleans? Why not all three and more! Everyone's a killer in this beautiful thing except Bill and Sean. Their alibis are airtight.

Party over, oops, out of time, we're watching a cartoon from NINETEEN NINETY NINE! Crunch crunch creak creak It's the big iron giant boy, the Iron Giant directed by the great Brad Bird. It's a movie about beatniks and single moms, nuclear proliferation and the troubles of domesticating squirrels. It's got everything want from a movie and it is good so watch it and then listen to us and mind the mess, people. We're not professionals.

Whoa there Quiz Kid Donnie Smith! For $25,000 dollars, what 1994 directorial debut did the Balcony Boys dreamily discuss for very long in the final tumultuous days of the American experiment? Time's up! It's Quiz Show directed by Robert Redford, a fact we almost certainly forgot to discuss in any significant detail. Look if you want facts, read a wikipedia. If you want America's Dumbest Film Critics, listen to the Balcony. And as a bonus, the boys finally reveal their true forms: morally bankrupt cretins who would absolutely cheat on a game show given any opportunity! Come on down! You're the next contestant on Two Boys in a Balcony!

Here's the deal, jack. On the eve of one of the darkest days in American history, Bill and Sean hooked up the dang pod machines and recorded an episode on Alfred Hitchcock's 1955 comedy, The Trouble with Harry. Sean was tripping balls on claritin the whole time. Bill was tripping on his balls the whole time. Sean also tripped over Bill's balls once or twice or three or four times EACH TIME FUNNIER THAN THE LAST! Don't read and walk at the same time, folks! We don't know if the bombs have started falling but by the time you listen to this episode, we will be three months away from knowing the next President of the United States (Go Jorgenson!) Remember to have voted yesterday if you're listening to this on the day that it came out and remember to vote in the next election if you're rocking this thing in 2024! We will have almost certainly stopped speaking to each other by then and pulled the entire archive down so congratulations to you for being smart enough to download every episode right away!

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to cast another Boo Englund into Bill's Soul Pit for another year and helping us we've got the goodest buddies Will Smalley and Andrew Mayer to help us shuffle off this mortal coil. We gathered on Bill's 50th flipping birthday to watch the original Child's Play from 1988. Sean and Andrew had never seen it so Bill and Will pretended to hold their hands to guide them through this baby murder doll story! Good times abound!

Gather round for a most harrowing tale of a mentally ill man who just wants you to be safe on Halloween. That's right, folks, we called another audible and instead of whatever bullshit we said we were watching, we watched the newest Netflix original Sandman production, Hubie Halloween! AND TRUST US... we get into it! We certainly don't spend the entire episode talking about other horror movies like Borat Subsequent Moviefilm or One Cut of the Dead, a Japanese zombie comedy that we realized we couldn't actually discuss without ruining all the wonderful surprises. Anyway, this the premiere episode for ARTICULATE, INTELLIGENT, COMPREHENSIVE, and IMPORTANT discussion about Hubie Halloween, a movie that exists. Hubie Halloween stars Adam Sandler and Shaquille O'Neal.

I KNOW! I threw the goddamn mic cable away! There's nothing we can do about but I can't write off the stuffed peppers we shoved in our faces if I don't put the episode out! We gathered round the fire table for another of our patented socially distanced balcony nights with old friend and horror aficionado Mark Gallagher to watch the Wes Craven masterpiece, A Nightmare on Elm Street from 1984! We meet Fred Krueger, lowly child killer, who hasn't had time to stop off at the demonic open mics in Hell to hone his quips and instead is just menacing. This movie rules. I have no recollection of the conversation after but Sean, Mark, and Bill were there so that's something! One more bonus episode next week and then never again (for now)!