Two Open Doors

When we think about intimacy, we’re likely to focus on the many functions that emotional closeness plays in our lives:  its role as a path to greater self-knowledge and knowledge of our partners; its function as a verbal and emotional communication channel; its sensitivity to, and reinforcement of, the deep trust and respect that are the foundation of any relationship; and other core life-functions.  All of this is weighty stuff.  This serious side of intimacy gives us needed orientation in how we interact with the dear people in our lives.
 
 There’s another side of intimacy that is no less important or life-affirming:  the role of intimacy as a vehicle for adult play.  In a sense, the serious side of intimacy tells us how to nurture meaningful deep human relationships.  The playful side of intimacy describes why intimacy should be important to us:  what good things it brings into our lives, and how a capacity for intimacy makes us better people.  We’ll focus on these themes, in this post.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

 What is “relationship energy”, and how does it play into our relationships?  As we’ve discussed in prior posts, relationships are a living, breathing thing; the tone of our relationships changes over time, as partners get to know one another better, and share more time and experience together.  Relationship energy is a term that can be used to describe the tone, feel and focus of a relationship, as it evolves.
 
In this post, we’ll explore the process of relationship evolution.  We’ll take a look at two particular types, or “flavors” of relationship energy.  As we’ll see, each of these offers something unique, and different, and “yummy” in different ways.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

As we all know, relationships can sometimes provoke some very strong and not necessarily positive reactions in us.  How we manage those reactions can determine the course and even the ultimate destiny of those relationships.  Taking to heart the dictum that “forewarned is forearmed”, in this post we’ll explore the nature of these reactions, and how we can constructively manage them.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In the course of my relationship and intimacy coaching practice, I have occasionally been asked to describe what I see as the key attributes in a healthy and satisfying relationship.  While there are of course many important attributes, there’s one that rises to the top of my list: attunement.
 
In this post, we’ll explore what attunement is, and why it’s so important in deeply-connected relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

This issue marks the 52nd post in the Two Open Doors podcast.  It has been a full year since the start of this adventure!
 
 As a reflective individual, I see this as a good time for a brief retrospective: an occasion to look back over the course we’ve run, to highlight some key learnings, and to see where the future might take us.  After all, relationships and intimacy are huge topics to explore--- so it’s good to have a map and compass.  Let's review where we've been!

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

 In our previous post, we examined the ways in which sẻx serves as a powerful language in the communication between intimate partners.  We considered the essential role of touch in intimate interactions, and we also explored how a spiritual element can play a role in taking intimate interactions to a sublime level that isn’t otherwise available to us.
 
 In this post, we’ll step back to focus on the importance of sẻx-positivity in enabling us to enjoy fulfilling intimate experiences.  We’ll consider what that term means (and what it doesn’t mean), and we’ll also critically examine some of the commonplace social attitudes and beliefs that make it challenging to maintain a sẻx-positive perspective on life.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

It has been a while since Two Open Doors last visited a very important topic:  human sẻxuality.  In this post, we’ll consider one of the many functions of sẻx:  its role as a vehicle for communication.  We’ll examine why sẻxuality and its cousin, sensuality, can be especially powerful in telling a partner what we’re feeling, what we desire, and how we see that partner.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Commitments can come with a down-side:  they can be difficult and often painful to change.  That’s certainly true of some socially-recognized and sanctioned commitments, such as a marriage or a mortgage.  In our society, those are treated as contracts, or mutually-agreed promises, that can’t be violated without a price being paid.

In this episode, we’ll consider an alternative form of commitment:  a renewable relationship, which can offer the affirmation of a contractual relationship, while maintaining a focus on the importance of unforced individual choice.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

What are intimate relationships good for, anyway?  There seems to be a lot of potential down-side in opening ourselves up to connect deeply with another person.  Vulnerability is risky.  What’s on the positive side of the ledger?
 
In this episode, we'll consider the many ways in which being in intimate relationships can help us find and express the things that we might consider the "best" in us, both as unique individuals, and as members of society.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In recent episodes, we’ve considered the need for compromise and mutual concessions in any relationship.  We’ve also explored my proposal that relationships can be sorted into two general categories, based on the associated level of emotional commitment:  “core” relationships; and “non-core” relationships, which we might describe by terms such as “peripheral”, or “secondary”, or “lovers” (as distinct from “partners”).  While avoiding the potential morass of imposing a hierarchy on relationships, we noted that this distinction has implications for how we manage our relationships.
 
 In this episode, we’ll tackle the difficult question of what gauges we can apply to a particular relationship, to determine whether it’s a core relationship for us.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/