Two Open Doors

As we’ve repeatedly observed, relationship is a two-way street.  As such, a relationship can’t work if the two partners are not agreed as to their goals for the relationship.  If anything, significant differences in relationship goals will lead to ongoing friction at best, or to relationship dissolution at worst.

In this post, we’ll take a look at what sorts of goals one might have for a particular relationship.  In the context of polyamorous relationships, we’ll further develop the previously-presented notion of “broad” polyamory and “narrow” polyamory.  We’ll gain insight from a novel graphical tool that we can use to depict relationship goals.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Satisfying deeply-connected relationships can be one of the most precious “possessions” that we humans can receive.  In truth, of course, one cannot “possess” a relationship; rather, in accepting our role in a relationship, we receive the honor of being included as a significant part of someone else’s life.  Relationship doesn’t entail “owning” anything, most certainly not a right to having control over another person.
 
 Relationships are perhaps better seen as a gift that we receive, rather than as something that we possess.  In this post, we’ll consider this perspective, looking at how two people interact to create a satisfying relationship.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In creating intimate relationships with others, we build psychological, emotional and physical connections.  Through our intimate connections, we enter into and participate in the lives of those we’re connected to.  In this episode, we’ll consider two kinds of intimate relationships:  lovers, and partners.  We’ll take a look at how these are related, and at the choices we face in creating and managing these sorts of relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

We humans are neurobiologically “wired” to avoid pain and seek pleasure.  In this episode, we’ll consider our experience of joy, and of some of the varied paths that we take in its pursuit.  The things that bring us joy provide much of the meaning in our life.  That makes it important for us to cultivate joy, and to integrate sources of joy into our life.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

 | In a recent episode, we considered the need for compromise and negotiation, in any deeply-connected relationship.  We recognized that an intimate relationship needs to serve the needs and desires of both partners--- and that since we humans are all individuals, we won’t always want the same things.
 
In this episode, we’ll explore what one should ask for in an intimate relationship:  what sorts of requests to make of one’s partner, and what sorts of boundaries to honor (for oneself and for one’s partner).  In essence, we’ll examine “how much is enough” to ask for in a relationship, to satisfy one’s core desires and needs, while respecting our partner’s boundaries and desires.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Relationships are often complicated.  They entail meeting the needs and goals of people beyond ourselves--- people whose interests may sometimes take them in directions other than what we might prefer.  The situation is complex enough in the case of a committed couple--- but it can become downright daunting in the case of managing multiple deeply-connected relationships.

In this post, we’ll explore some of the attitudes and behaviors that are necessary if one is to be able to nurture multiple simultaneous intimate relationships.  Of course, this is a huge topic (since it involves considering the broad terrain of polyamory).  For this discussion, we’ll confine ourselves to how to manage the interactions of multiple intimate partners.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In our prior posts, we’ve described the many complex and often subtle factors that play into determining the compatibility--- or incompatibility--- of a relationship.  Relationships are important to people, so we all pursue them, to differing extents.  That combination of relationship complexity with our human drive to relate is a virtual guarantee that some of our relationships will blossom and thrive, while others will fail to take root and grow.
 
 In this post, we’ll consider what happens in the case of relationships that fail to thrive; that is, in relationships that, for one or more reasons, prove to be incompatible with our relationship goals, needs and preferences.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

We humans are finite creatures.  We have limited time, energy, and capacity for relationship.  This can become very apparent in our efforts to create and maintain deep relationships; there are only so many hours in a day, and we can sometimes find ourselves over-extended in trying to serve the sometimes-clashing needs and desires of our partner(s), as well as ourselves.  The resulting stresses and pressures are especially evident in polyamorous relationships, in which interactions with multiple partners need to be equitably balanced and managed.
 
 In this episode, we explore the interactions between two key elements in intimate relationships: the extent of our emotional commitment to our partner (or partners), and the scope of the emotional connections we try to maintain in our lives.  We’ll describe each of these elements, and then we’ll take a look at the combinations in which they may appear in our close relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Relationships offer us many tangible and concrete benefits:  the joy of companionship, physical and material help in dealing with life’s many activities, emotional responses and personal validation, and a combination of resources that enhance our personal security and enjoyment of life.  In addition, though, being in an intimate relationship can transport us outside of ourselves, providing personal experiences that we simply cannot achieve by ourselves.  In this episode, we explore the transcendence that can be achieved through deep connection with a trusted and caring partner.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In our last episode, we took a look at what it means for an intimate relationship to “fail”.  We took note of the hazards of overly-harsh self-judgment, as well as recognizing the many pitfalls of letting others make judgments about our relationships.  In this episode, we’ll consider the positive side of the relationship “ledger”: the many joys and benefits of choosing and nurturing relationships that move us from merely surviving, to thriving.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/