Two Open Doors

In earlier episodes of this podcast, we’ve examined some aspects of the nature of love, and of attachment.  In this episode, we consider the idea of “unconditional” love.  We take a look at what that might mean, and we then consider whether adult humans are likely to be capable of giving unconditional love to others.  In passing, we also consider how attachment and commitment might fit into loving relationships, and we also look at interdependence vs. independence in mature loving relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Our attachment style is one important part of the foundation on which we build all of our adult relationships.  Attachment affects our capacity for creating deep human connections.  Such connections include two distinct, comparably-important elements: a deep emotional connection that allows us to know and open to one another; and a physical connection that lets us share the simple but sublime gift of pleasure with one another.  A deep emotional and physical connection can transport us into a space that is truly transcendent; one can refer to that space as “spiritualty”.  We explore that idea here, and then we step back to see a possible way of life that presents a realistic and promising path to personal fulfillment.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In Episode 3, we explored the nature of human relationship, and focused on how “emotional” relationships work.  We noted that the developmental-psychology framework provided by “attachment theory” gives us valuable clues about how we’ve learned to relate to others.

In this episode, we dig further, to unearth the four “styles” of childhood attachment, and the corresponding four styles of adult attachment.  Understanding our attachment style and history is an important part of our attaining the self-knowledge that we discussed in Episode 2.  That also provides a foundation for the deeper dive that we’ll be taking into learning how to “connect deeply” with the important people in our lives.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Two Open Doors is all about human relationship--- but we haven’t yet taken a look at what relationship is.  In this post, we consider two very different kinds of relationships: “transactional” ones, and what we’ll call “emotional” ones.  Our spotlight here is on emotional relationships.  We also consider how it is that we learn to relate to others--- since we’re not born with that capacity.  We introduce the important psychological perspective of attachment theory, which we’ll revisit in later episodes.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

If we aspire to have satisfying and healthy relationships with others, our foundation will be to first have a good relationship with ourselves.  That requires that we have solid self-knowledge: an understanding of who we are, as well as how we act.  The first focuses inward, on things such as what we value and what we believe.  The second focuses outward, to describe how we treat others, and how we engage with the world around us.

We can acquire self-knowledge through introspection, in which we quiet ourselves enough to be in touch with our honestly-assessed beliefs and feelings.  We can also gain self-knowledge by using those who care for us as compassionate but honest "mirrors", to provide us with feedback about how others perceive and experience us.

Pursuing self-knowledge is worthwhile (and even essential) because it gives us choice:  the ability to choose who and how we want to be, without the possibly-misleading influence of others telling us how we "should" be.  As adults, we can give ourselves the liberty of what I call "re-choicing", in which we can set aside traits, behaviors and beliefs that don't serve us, and adopt those that better reflect who we want to be.

Once we truly know ourselves--- our mind and heart and soul--- we will know what sort of people are likely to be good compatible partners for us.  We'll have greatly reduced our risk of chasing mirages (relationships that really don't "fit" us, and which may in fact be damaging to either ourselves, or our partner, or both).  We'll be ready to be open and to share ourselves fully with our partner(s).  We'll be ready for deep human connection.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In this short introductory episode, host Claude introduces himself, and he describes why deep human connection is so important to him.  He explains the origin of the somewhat mysterious title of this podcast.  He also reflects on the importance of personal choice in shaping one's personal relationships, and he shares his notion of "re-choicing", as a path to filling one's life with satisfying and healthy deep connections.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/