UCB Word For Today

Here are five more relationship lessons by Jon Gordon: 1) The more I love my wife, the more I love my life. It’s not about what she does for me. It’s not about keeping score. It’s about deciding to be selfless, love her, serve her, and be there for her. When I do, we both get better. 2) Encourage instead of competing. A lot of couples get jealous if their spouse is enjoying success, rather than encouraging them. When you support and advocate for each other, you grow individually and strengthen your team. 3) Don’t give up. Sometimes marriage is great and sometimes it isn’t. Too many people give up, thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. It isn’t. Plant yourself, nurture your relationship, invest time and energy in your spouse, and you will grow into who you’re meant to be. Marriage is where you learn to give and take and compromise, where you work on your individual issues and heal together. 4) Have a shared mission. My wife and I knew we weren’t together just for ourselves. We felt our mission was to raise champions who will make a difference in the world. We aren’t perfect parents, we have made mistakes, but our mission inspired us to give our very best – especially this past year with two teenagers and a challenging year. 5) Invite God into your marriage. Years ago when we hit a tough patch, a guy told me how he and his wife pray together every night. So, I asked God what our prayer should be. It came to me a few days later, and we have said it every night since. It has made a difference that leads to forgiveness, healing, and growth.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

No matter how good your marriage is, you can make it better. Author Jon Gordon writes: ‘My wife and I just celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary. We’ve learned and grown a lot…and I want to share some of our relationship lessons: 1) Choose wisely. One of the most important decisions you’ll ever make is the person you marry. You know you’re with the right person when they give you strength. Looking back…there’s no way I could have done it without my wife. Her love, support, belief and encouragement gave me strength. She believed in me when no one else did. 2) Be willing to improve and grow. Early in our marriage our relationship wasn’t very good. I was young, selfish and quite negative. One day my wife had enough: “I love you but I’m not going to spend my life with someone who makes me miserable. You have to change.” I looked at myself and realised she was right. So I became willing to change and to become a positive influence on my wife, my children and others. 3) Communicate. Communicate. Communicate! Most relationships break down because of poor communication. We’ve had disagreements over the years, but we always communicated, and this allowed us to grow stronger together. 4) Admit when you’re wrong. I’ve been wrong many times and admitted it. I’ve also admitted I was wrong even when I thought I wasn’t. I knew my wife was bothered, and it was more important for her to feel loved than for me to feel right. It takes maturity and a willingness to focus on your spouse more than your ego.’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

The word ‘prepared’ derives from an ancient custom of sending servants ahead of a king to have things ready for his arrival. But the King of Kings goes in advance of His servants and prepares the road ahead of us. We don’t know this in advance, so we have to overcome our fears, step out in faith, and follow Him. And as we look back, we can say, ‘Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life’ (Psalm 23:6 KJV). In Ephesians 2:10, notice the words ‘good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do’. When you follow God, you’re walking a prepared path. It’s important to keep this in mind. When you find yourself in difficult circumstances, you need to know that God is directing your footsteps (see Psalm 37:23). You have assurance because you know that God has considered every contingency in your life and that He always has your best interest at heart. The psalmist David wrote: ‘I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too – your reassuring presence, coming and going…I can’t take it all in!’ (Psalm 139:1-6 MSG). If David, whom God called ‘a man after My own heart’ (Acts 13:22 NKJV), couldn’t take it all in, you won’t either. But God is not asking you to figure Him out; He is just asking you to trust Him.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

As a teen, Megan arrived home from school just in time to watch an hour of soap operas before doing her homework. She enjoyed the escape into the TV world and wasn’t aware that the programmes were arousing sexual curiosity in her. After years of exposure to these soaps, her perspective on life took a shift. She began to think, ‘Relationships don’t need to be pure. In fact, the impure ones seem more exciting. Fidelity doesn’t matter, as long as a person is happy.’ As a college student, Megan found it easy to participate in one-night stands. Then after a short marriage ended in catastrophe as a result of her infidelity, she sought help from a counsellor. At first it was difficult for the counsellor to understand why Megan engaged in extramarital affairs. She had been a model teenager at home, church, and school, as far as her public behaviour was concerned. Finally the counsellor discovered the source of the temptation that drove Megan to participate in her supposed hidden life. What you watch on television and the internet becomes part of your memory bank. You’re putting images on file that Satan will use against you. David’s affair with Bathsheba started with a wrong look and ended up bringing tragedy to his family. Later David wrote: ‘I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar…I will reject perverse ideas and stay from every evil…I will search for faithful people to be my companions’ (vv. 2-4, 6 NLT).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Jesus said, ‘Protect yourself against…greed. Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have a lot’ (Luke 12:15 MSG). We live in a materialistic society that’s obsessed with accumulating stuff. But the more you have, the more you have to worry about. So, what do you suppose Jesus wanted to teach His disciples when He sent them out ‘without a wallet, bag, or sandals’? Author Cynthia Ruchti asks: ‘Was He showing them He was all they would ever need? Did He want them to learn dependence on Him? Was He instructing them in the humility of accepting help from others – a bed for the night, a meal, a borrowed coat when temperatures dropped? Did He hope they would realise they could get along with fewer belongings? That their success depended on travelling light? That they would be safer from thieves along the journey if they had nothing worth stealing? Was it focus that Jesus cared about most? With nothing in their hands to distract them, would the disciples cling more diligently to His words and to the ministry of caring for people’s physical and spiritual needs? The more I think about it, the more value I see in the “no baggage” directive. What if I walked into my day, conscious of a no-wallet, no-extra-sandals mentality, intensely focused on Jesus, on His words and His mission, the mission He passed on to us? What if I measured success not by how much I accumulated but on how little I need to survive if I stay close to Jesus? What would I lack? Nothing!’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

When you take time to listen to another person, you don’t just give them a gift, you give yourself one. Dr Juli Slattery observes: ‘Everyone is attracted to a good listener. How ironic that you can major in communications and never take a class on one of the most fundamental aspects of communicating – listening…Perhaps the most powerful mode of sharing the gospel, saving your marriage, and making friends is to truly listen. We feel loved by those who take the time to hear our story and ask insightful questions…Here are three ways to become a better listener: 1) Become curious. Every person you meet is interesting…On the surface they may drone on about something you don’t care about, but underneath is an interesting story if you take time to dig for it. For me, the first step to listening is finding something to be curious about…After 20 years of marriage, I still want to be curious about my husband…to know what God is teaching him…what he’s looking forward to, and what made him laugh today. 2) Maintain eye contact. Because we can’t gauge listening by looking at someone’s ears, we look at their eyes…We show our children, spouses, friends, and even strangers respect when we give them focused attention. 3) Go beyond the words you hear. We only communicate a portion of what we want to express through words. The rest comes through body language, tone, and even silence.’ Proverbs 12:15: ‘A fool thinks he needs no advice, but a wise man listens to others’ (TLB). As much as you may like the sound of your own voice – you become wise by learning to listen.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

No matter what problems you’re grappling with, it’s good to know that the peace of God ‘which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and…minds in Christ Jesus.’ Author Lorie Newman said: ‘For me, that peace came when my husband lost his job…We were a one-income family with seven children, a mortgage, [and] bills. Would we lose our house? How could we feed our large family? These questions fogged my mind like suffocating smoke. But, in the midst of it, God tenderly spoke life into my worried heart…Unemployment remained. In fact, it remained for nearly two years. But day-by-day, step-by-step, the truth of God’s Word began to eclipse the despair and I had incredible peace! God’s Word came alive as never before as I navigated the turbulent waters of that rough season of life. I had read that God was my provider, but I began to know and experience him as my provider! What should have been a time of horrific stress…became a place of peace.’ When problems arise, our natural inclination is to panic. When we do that, we open the door for the Enemy to come in, get us off track, and make us feel victimised. Take these words of Jesus to heart: ‘My [own] peace I now give…you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed…do not permit yourselves to be fearful and…unsettled.]’ (John 14:27 AMPC).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Like Jesus, we have been created in the image of a God who expresses emotions. Neither the Father nor the Son was afraid or embarrassed to feel deeply, and we shouldn’t be either. In Scripture God’s heart broke for His wayward children (see Hosea 11:8-9). Jesus wept openly at the grave of His dear friend Lazarus (see John 11:35). He expressed righteous anger over moneylenders defrauding worshippers in the temple (see Luke 19:45-46). And when it comes to our own feelings, we are neither powerless pawns nor fearful fugitives. God wants us to own them, understand their message, and seek His counsel in engaging them for His glory and the benefit of others. The psalmist often voiced his emotions before God. In Psalm 22:1, he cried out, ‘My God…why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?’ (NLT). Think how he must have felt to make him say those words: intense fear, panic, confusion, disappointment, and betrayal. But note what he did with his emotions. He took them to God, addressed Him personally, and called on His help: ‘Do not stay so far from me, for trouble is near, and no one else can help me’ (v. 11 NLT). David’s approach was bold, and he found the help he needed: ‘For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help’ (v. 24 NLT). When you bring your feelings to God, you will find that ‘all who seek the LORD will praise him. Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy’ (v. 26 NLT).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Emotions – we all have them. Some we enjoy, some we endure. The question is, what does God say about how we should handle them? ‘Count it all joy when you fall into various trials’ (James 1:2 NKJV). ‘Let all bitterness, wrath, anger…be put away from you, with all malice’ (Ephesians 4:31 NKJV). ‘Be…full of sympathy towards each other’ (1 Peter 3:8 TLB). God has appointed designated seasons for us to weep, laugh, mourn, love – and even hate (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Does He demand that we instantly and completely control all our emotions? No. Instead He makes Himself available to transform our hearts and character, so we can manage our emotions in ways that exalt Him. Rather than providing a manual on emotional self-management, He comforts, encourages, convicts, and reorients us by patiently inviting us to do this: ‘Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you’ (1 Peter 5:7 TLB). Even painful feelings can provide opportunities to develop a deeper relationship with our heavenly Father. It also helps to remember that we’re created in the image of an emotional God, and His Word indicates that He sees our feelings as fundamentally good. Even anger, an emotion commonly deemed pejorative, can glorify Him when we handle it in unselfish ways. It’s not about what we feel, it’s how we handle those feelings. And God can give us the grace to turn any emotion into an attribute that glorifies Him.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

When you speak too quickly, you can send the wrong signal and get results you don’t want. This is particularly so when you’re negotiating for the best deal. Speaking impulsively, and overtalking, are not signs of strength but of weakness and insecurity. Here is a story that illustrates the point: A young computer salesman named Kurt was delighted when one of his business clients expressed interest in buying a used computer system – one that Kurt had installed two years ago but that had recently been replaced with an upgrade. After careful consultation with his head office, Kurt fixed a price of $800,000 for the used system and documented in writing all his reasons for requesting that amount. As he sat down to negotiate, he heard an inner voice saying, ‘Wait. Let them do the initial talking.’ The buyers quickly filled the silence with a long rundown of their own research about this particular computer system’s strengths and weaknesses, the age of the equipment, and the need for new software. ‘Can you throw upgraded software into the deal?’ one of the buyers asked. ‘Sure,’ Kurt offered. The buyers then said, ‘We will give you $950,000 for the system, but not a penny more.’ Less than an hour later, the paperwork was signed, and Kurt walked away with a much better deal than he ever imagined, having said little more than ‘thank you’. The apostle James writes, ‘My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak’ (James 1:19 NIVUK).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.