FULL AUDIO! Skullduggery has been afoot at Unclassical headquarters, if the first upload is still cutting off, try this one!!

The finale is here! But where’s Mary?

Well, before we get to that, we meet the famous Mrs Sowerby, Dickon’s mum and you bet she’s a babe. Colin continues with his lectures much to everyone’s dismay, also goes through the “MINE!” phase.

Meanwhile, Mr Craven goes to Lake Como and has a very relaxing sleep before leisurely making his way home to find… well you’ll just have to listen and see!!

And Mary? Well now that would be telling…

The finale is here! But where’s Mary?

Well, before we get to that, we meet the famous Mrs Sowerby, Dickon’s mum and you bet she’s a babe. Colin continues with his lectures much to everyone’s dismay, also goes through the “MINE!” phase.

Meanwhile, Mr Craven goes to Lake Como and has a very relaxing sleep before leisurely making his way home to find… well you’ll just have to listen and see!!

And Mary? Well now that would be telling…

Bringing you stories from a cupboard- that is magic. This week we learn Dickon has a very normal last name as his mother takes a more active role in helping the children hide Colin's improving condition to the dismay of cook. Ben Weatherstaff takes teasing Colin a little too far and Colin and Dickon become gym bros.

Hysterics, hysterics, hysterics!!! What is happening at Misselthwaite Manor this week?! Colin's in a huff, Mary's learnt a new word and where does Dickon keep procuring these orphaned baby animals from?

It's all very suspicious and simultaneously enchanting. So get ready for some dodgy Yorkshire dialect, Inbetweeners quotes and horror movie imagery!

Enjoy!

This week at Misselthwaite Manor it is kicking off!!

Colin and Mary may have been getting on like a house on fire, but now the house may as well be on fire! Jesus, don't piss off privileged 10 year olds!

Katy tells us her most "embarrassing" memory, and it nearly sees Marsha off, there are some very odd people in this world!

And to cap it off, the sun is shining in Yorkshire, which tbh, sound like fake news, but we're not questioning it.

It’s chaotic, it’s dramatic, it’s weirdly life-affirming… honestly, what more do you want?

OH!! AND! Katy has a moving date, so the sound quality will be improving exponentially very soon! Thank you for bearing with with the random traffic noises in the background xx

Come join us on the moors for some cathartic wailing to your ex, no this isn't Wuthering Heights, but it does have the same amount of ghosts as Emerald Fennell's film.

We'll also discuss boundary setting with Belle and the Beast.

More "if The Secret Garden was a horror film" plot development.

An autism battle over taking "a bit of earth" too literally.

And we find out Colin's truly shit secret, spoilers, it's depressing.

And oh fuck, spoilers, we meet Colin!

We left last episode with a strange disembodied voice haunting the corridors of Misselthwaite Manor, but shh, no one cares about that - meet the OG Disney Prince - Dickon, every straight 10 year old girls' fantasy.

Will Mary be able to keep her cool? Will she show him the garden? Will Ben ever stop roasting Mary at every opportunity? And will Mary ever meet her mysterious uncle?

Sit back, whistle for your favourite Robin, and let winds wuther you all the way to Yorkshire.

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By now you should have done your homework and watched the 90s film version of The Secret Garden, and you should know the uncredited role of Mrs Medlock's love interest, the chicken leg. We can all wish to have a such a satisfying encounter, but only a very select few shall actually experience it. Bet it stank though.

So yes! Join us for part 2 of Mary's new life, as she arrives in Yorkshire and meets some less than friendly locals as she explores her new home. And get ready to meet the very best boy ever, Robin Red Breast, the only character in this with any emotional intelligence.

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We're back baby! And to help us transition from this horrible winter into the warmer months, we're bringing you The Secret Garden - like only Unclassical can tell it!

If you grew up watching the 90s film - get ready to hear the darker themes the film missed out, and if you didn't grow up on 90s film adaptations, well watch them! All of them! You're welcome!

But for now, sit back, stare forlornly out of a window, and get ready for an apocalypse that only a tyrannical little pig could survive.

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Ho ho… huh?We are diving into the festive, idealist world of Christmas with Enid Blyton! But is it as perfect as you'd think? Recognise familiar themes of bubbling resentment, parental favouritism and a constant reminder that a woman's place is rearing children and in the kitchen!

Good? Good.

There's actually quite a lot of history and cocoa too!

So get a blanket, snuggle in, and may our rage at the patriarchy keep you warm!

Merry Christmas, guys!