Uniquely Brilliant Podcast

Becky and Diana talk about the concept that we can live both/and lives.

• And reminds us that we are more than one thing.
• Both/And allows for flexibility.
• The Growth Mindset is enhanced with Both/And thinking.
• Either/Or is the opposite of Both/And.
• Either/Or assumes we can only choose one option.
• During a time of transition we have the option to choose the Either/Or or Both/And mindset.
• If Either/Or feels constraining, it's time to check your options.
• Both/And may require time and energy to juggle the options.
• Passions, priorities, and a paycheck can all be achieved with Both/And thinking.
• Both/And allows us to make the choice to have what we want.

Diana and Becky discuss their words for the year: Wonder and Steady and how they deploy the words to keep them on track.

• Diana's word-of-the-year is Wonder.
• Becky's word-of-the-year is Steady.
• Expectation is the opposite of wonder because it pre-supposes an outcome.
• Wonder gives us the freedom to allow things to unfold.
• Having a framework for making decisions helps us capture the wonder in our lives.
• Some of us feel like we need rigid structure and miss out on wonder and the possibilities it offers.
• Wonder grows in a flexible structure.
• Expectations make our world smaller.
• Wonder can be a concrete thought or a sense.
• Expectations skew our perspective because when things don't meet our expectations, we find ourselves automatically assuming they're bad.
• Steady implies movement, where settle implies stuck.
• Our words-of-the-year help us stay focused and deflate the influence of expectations.

Becky Berry and Diana Bader share their memories of people who have influenced them over the course of their lives and whose words and actions continue to influence them.

• Random and simple acts can have a big influence on our lives. We may never know how what we say or do for other people impacts their lives.
• A smile or words of gratitude can change another person's day, week, year, or life. The people who taught us invaluable skills also opened doors to experiences we could not imagine at the time.
• The influencers who showed us new perspectives changed how we looked at the world.
• The people who believed in us and stood up for us when we couldn't handle a situation by ourselves impacted our lives for a lifetime even if we don't realize it at the time.
• Influencers aren't voices in our heads giving us opinions and telling us what we "should" do.
• True influencers hold up a mirror that reflects our best selves back to us. They see who we really are, accept us, and show us how we can become a little bit more us.

Becky and Diana discuss how our experiences give us a chance to grow as we move forward each day.

• We get to choose what experiences we bring forward with us.
• We don't have to resolve everything from our past. We can simply let go of some things.
• To determine if something is holding us back we can ask, "Is this serving who I am now?"
• Experiences only become negative when they impede our forward progress.
• Sometimes the biggest jerks are carrying the biggest loads and don't know they can put it down.
• Can we give ourselves the same kind of relentless grace we give others?
• Feeling out of balance is a sign that we need to examine what we're carrying around from our past.
• Blame and shame are default ways of thinking that make our experiences heavier than they need to be.
• We're fighting our own nature and instincts when we let go of things. Our brains evolved to look for danger by responding to negative input. Meditating helps us fight against that instinct.
• If we keep moving forward, much of the junk we carry with us will fall away on its own.

Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the pros and cons of letting things stick to us – including our ideas about life and death. It's also an episode about letting go of the things that hold you back.

• It's good to examine the things that we hold on to tightly. Perhaps there are some we hold on to too tightly.
• Velcro is cool because it can be repositioned and reused – just like our experiences.
• We can find ourselves attached to other people's expectations which can lead to our becoming detached from our true selves.
• We can tell we're inappropriately attached to something when hanging on to it causes undue stress and hardship.
• Pretending we're moving is a great way to get rid of things we're no longer attached to without actually having to move!
• Sometimes we become so attached to ideas that we forget to re-assess them as our lives progress.
• When an attachment to an idea or outcome has us in its grasp, they become self-limiting.
• It's important to get our attachments aligned with where we are in our lives right now.
• Re-examining our attachment to ideas, things, places, and people can lead us to new insights.
• We don't have to destroy attachments that hold us back. Many times we just need to attach to them in a different way.

Diana and Becky discuss the importance of keeping our pasts in perspective. The title of our episode comes from William Shakespeare's The Tempest.

We all were sea-swallow'd, though some cast again, And by that destiny to perform an act Whereof what's past is prologue, what to come In yours and my discharge.

The Tempest, act II, scene i, lines 248–54. Antonio is speaking.

• We can't move forward while hanging on to the past.
• "Before you grab onto the future, make sure you let go of the past." – a Hallmark Christmas movie that Diana watched.
• The past is how we got here, how we deal with it is how we go forward.
• We can structure our future by structuring what comes before it – our plans.
• Our past sets up our future.
• The past isn't the beginning or the end; it's the middle.

Although they are occasionally distracted by the presence of a rare snow storm in Georgia, Becky and Diana take the time to talk about why they are committed to seizing the day and how they do it.

• When we are married to our personal agendas, we can miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of us.
• What we focus on we get.
• Leaving ourselves open to random moments and events allow shifts to happen.
• Seize The Day = Ride The Moment
• Break free from the stranglehold of expectations – both yours and other people's.
• When we release tension by doing something fun or different, our ability to focus increases.
• We choose which way our life shifts.
• "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" - Darius Rucker https://youtu.be/GkZIF4mmztc

Becky and Diana talk about the critical importance of managing our energy, especially around the holidays.

• We have to prepare ourselves for events and manage our energy accordingly.
• To operate at peak energy, we need to check our energy levels over the course of an event.
• We can leave an event or take a break if we feel our energy waning.
• It's critical to find ways to replenish our energy that honors our energy profile and personality.
• Before we attend an event, we can check the language of the invitation for clues about the kind of energy we can expect from the event.
• Visualization is a great tool to protect ourselves from unwanted energy sucks.
• It's critical to know how to take care of ourselves, then do it.
• After attending a bad event (an energy suck), we can release any negative by writing about it or talking to a friend.

Becky and Diana discuss the feelings and emotions of feeling beat-up and reveal strategies for coping with those feelings.

• Triggers can bring forgotten and buried things to the surface of our minds and force us to deal with them.
• Managing multiple expectations can leave us feeling exhausted.
• It is important to choose our battles.
• The Lack mindset and the Victim mentality go hand in hand.
• When we push through difficult things quickly instead of dealing with them, they will pop up again, maybe even in different ways.
• We have to go inside ourselves and slow down and deal with the yucky stuff.
• To thrive, we must learn to identify triggers that can pop up and leave us feeling beat-up.
• Mind/body connected activities, like yoga, help us make internal connections that heal our beat-up places.

Becky and Diana talk about the value of boundaries.

• Boundaries give us a framework to move more smoothly through our lives.
• We set boundaries to guard ourselves against others and against ourselves!.
• When we don't set boundaries we leave ourselves open to having our lives breached.
• Prioritizing what we do and how we do it is one strategy to create beneficial boundaries.
• Once we've compromised our own boundaries, it becomes easier to do it again.
• We can experience growth as we enforce our boundaries.
• Boundaries prevent burnout.
• Clearly stated boundaries can help manage conflict.
• Assigning value to your boundaries gives them more weight.