Untaming Masculinity

Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof.

As the saying goes, when you assume, you make an ass of ‘u’ and ‘me’. Unfortunately, we men assume all the time.

We assume that our wife knows what we are thinking.

We assume that others know what’s going on.

We assume that what we have to say doesn’t have any value or that others already know what we are thinking.

The thing about assumptions is that they are almost always wrong. Your wife does not know what you’re thinking. That thought you were hesitant to share could have been exactly what a struggling friend needed to hear.

Assuming is triggered by fear and also by ego, and it can lead you down a slippery slope. That slippery slope can have a negative effect on your marraige, your relationship with your kids, your job, and importantly, yourself.

One of the many dangers of assuming is creating unspoken expectations, which results in covert contracts. A covert contract is an unspoken agreement you have between you and somebody else. You expect someone to do something without actually telling them about it. Then, when they don’t hold up their end of this unspoken bargain, we hold it against them. Men make these covert contracts all the time, and they are manipulative. The results of covert contracts can be devastating.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into why men make assumptions and enter into covert contracts with others. They talk about what drives this sort of behavior in men and why it’s so damaging. Most importantly, they talk about how you can stop assuming. The key is to say exactly what you need to say. While we can be driven by fear, that fear wants us to expect the worst.

What, honestly, is the worst that can happen when you simply tell the truth and be intentional?

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Pack - a group of wild animals, especially wolves, living and hunting together.

In Rudyard Kipling's seminal classic The Jungle Book, the boy Mowgli is raised by wolves. These wolves lived by a law, famously known as The Law for the Wolves. The preeminent line of that law is

Men, like wolves, need a pack. They need a group of men to raise them up and challenge them for more. These groups of men thrive on the individual skills and attributes of each of the members of the pack. Much like a great quarterback needs great defensive line and special teams play to be successful, all men need to be able to rely on others and they need to know that others are consistently relying on them. 

It's a crucial, symbiotic relationship that is necessary amongst men. And sadly, too many men don't recognize this.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of the pack and the tremendous power in finding a pack. 

They share stories, examples, and insights into this powerful concept and help identify how men can build a pack of their own. Both men share their experiences in finding a pack and how so doing changed the trajectory of their lives, helping them discover what they're truly capable of. Finally, they also discuss the value that we as men bring to our pack, and why this symbiosis is so vital. 

Too many men live in fear or lack the understanding of why a pack is necessary, and the guys discuss why this mindset that must change. 

Men need other men. 

The Law for the Wolves starts with a powerful admission: "NOW this is the law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky, And the wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the wolf that shall break it must die". 

Being a lone wolf does not work. A lone wolf without a pack dies.

Show Notes:

• Coach's Corner - The Wolf And The Pack
• LinkedIn - The Strength of The Wolf Is The Pack

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Funk - a state of depression
 
We as men find ourselves dealing with highs and with lows.  

All too often, those lows can turn into ruts that we struggle to shake. A bad day can quickly turn into a bad month or a bad year if you simply allow it to.  It's so much easier for a man to live in ignorance and continue down a path of destruction and find himself self-medicating with vices than it is to pick himself up and get to work on addressing the problem.  

However, those subconscious decisions that lead to the quick dopamine hits porn, drinking, etc. provide only exacerbate the problem and leave too many men waking up one day asking themselves why they've gotten where they are.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into how men get into funks and how they can work their way out of them.  They discuss some recent events in their lives, the struggles they've each faced, and how they have worked through them, or are continuing to work through them.  

We, as men, too easily fall into the trap of allowing ourselves to fall deeper and deeper into a rut before trying to work our way through it.  Quite frankly, the results can be devastating.  

Action is necessary, but too many men find themselves overwhelmed and feeling as if they can't do it.  The key is to not go through something alone.  By simply reaching out and making an effort, we discover that so many men are ready to help us out if we simply ask.

Show Notes:

• Atomic Habits - James Clear

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Preparedness – a state of readiness, especially for war.

There are few topics that capture a man’s imagination more than preparedness.

Whether it’s being prepared for a rainy day, the threat of invasion, or the inevitable zombie apocalypse, the idea of being prepared is something that almost every man has thought about.

While the idea of a self-sustaining homestead in Montana with enough ammo and provisions to last years is exciting, preparedness is much more foundational and essential than that. As is the case with any endeavor, starting small is the key. Making sure you have enough food and water along with basic necessities and provisions to get you through a week or two is something that you can easily execute, starting today.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the idea of preparedness, what it is and how any man can start to prepare himself and his family for any situation.

They share stories and have an honest and open conversation about what preparedness looks like for them, how they’ve handled previous situations, and what they are currently doing to take care of their families to handle likely scenarios.

They also discuss why it’s crucial to be able to comfortably hunker down at home in an emergency for a week or two and why it’s equally important to have a bug-out bag ready if staying where you are is not an option.

This is a free-flowing conversation filled with a lot of tips and real-life advice.

Show Notes:

• Building a Black Out Box (SuburbanSteader.com)
• Building a Bug Out Bag (The Survival Podcast)
• 5 Food Preservation Methods (The Backyard Pioneer)
• Intro To Preparedness (The Survival Podcast)
• Copy Canning Basics (The Florida Hillbilly)

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Conversation – a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.

As men, we are required to have difficult conversations from time to time.  Too many men run from these conversations or handle them poorly.  The consequences of avoided or poorly handled difficult conversations can be significant.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad provide five tips for success with difficult conversations.  They share some experiences and stories of both what you should and shouldn’t do. 

While these difficult conversations never get easier with time, applying some principles and advance planning goes a long way in making them not only manageable but successful.

These five tips are:

• Come prepared
• Check your ego at the door
• When everyone feels like they gave up something, it’s a win
• Difficult conversations don’t get easier with time
• Practice makes better, not perfect

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Negative – a word or statement that expresses denial, disagreement, or refusal

Too many men are wired to always say yes, or in other words, to never say no.

You’re asked to do something you don’t want to (or should) do, but say yes anyway. You’re stressed and overburdened at work, but when your boss asks you to take over a project, you simply say yes.

Simply put, you say yes, even though you have no business saying yes. You say yes, even if the person asking you to do something really wants you to say no. You’re consciously putting your well-being, happiness, and overall masculinity at risk by doing things you know you shouldn’t or not doing things you should.

Why?

So many men are people pleasers and Nice Guys. They’ve told themselves that how they feel doesn’t matter or that they don’t want to let others down.

On the other hand, there are situations where a man wants to say no but should say yes. This comes in the form of saying no to a job opportunity where there is some perceived risk. It comes in the form of not starting that workout plan or lifestyle change, simply because that discomfort seems impossible. Many men have self-limiting beliefs that they’re not willing to stare down and address. Too many men spend time thinking of the worst that can happen.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into this concept and explore why men are likely to do something they have no desire to do, or why they’re so likely to say no to something that they shouldn’t. They share some personal stories and experiences, and answer the important question men face when things get uncomfortable (and consequently say yes when they should be saying no): What’s the worst that can happen?

When you spend some time truly asking yourself that question, you will start to see that the preconceived conclusions you’ve drawn almost never play out that way, and you’re selling yourself short by simply not doing what you should. There’s so much growth awaiting a man who truly owns his intentions and can tell others no (or yes).

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Outside – not within the boundaries or confines of a place

Men are meant to spend time outside.  Throughout history, it has been the responsibility of men to farm, hunt, trap, homestead, forage, and protect.  Men are wired to not only spend time outside but to thrive outside.  We live in an age of convenience and comfort.  Where a man can move quickly from his luxurious bed to his comfortable couch where he can settle into a day of Xbox and Netflix while ordering DoorDash.  Such is the world in which we live that if a man chooses to, he doesn’t have to leave his house for anything, including work.  This comfort is unnatural and is destroying the souls and bodies of men everywhere.

The benefits of spending time outside are immeasurable.  Whether it’s physically, mentally, or emotionally, getting outdoors is great for a man.  We’re not just talking about getting into the forest or out on the ocean.  Simply getting outside to go on a walk or to do some yard work is not only beneficial for a man but essential. 

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad give you three big reasons why men must spend time outside.  They cite examples and share experiences where simply getting outside will improve your life in a variety of ways, ranging from lowered cortisol levels (cortisol is your body’s stress hormone) to re-introducing a level of risk and adventure to your life. 

Simply by making a concerted effort to spend even a few minutes a day outside, you will see a dramatic improvement physically, mentally, and emotionally.  You will also begin to rediscover that untamed man living inside of you.

These three reasons are:

• Physical benefits
• Mental benefits
• Problem Solving Capability

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Integrity – the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness

A man of character must live a life of integrity.

The definition of integrity is “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles”.  As men, it is our duty and obligation to be men of both our word and our actions.  To be unrelentingly honest and to live with integrity.  To execute when time gets tough.  To never stop showing up for our families, our loved ones, and especially, ourselves.

When men fail to live in integrity, every single element of their lives suffers.  Too many men hide some dark secrets behind a morally good facade and would be absolutely terrified if someone were to simply find out.  This isn’t to say that good men are perfect or are constantly living in integrity, as every man has inner demons he must stare down and overcome.  When men are honest, they find tremendous power to lead their families and communities.

We, as men, must strive to live in integrity, no matter how hard it may seem.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss integrity and its unbelievable, life-changing power.  They share some personal stories and examples of how they had to make a conscious decision to simply stop living a dishonest life to reclaim their masculinity by making the conscious choice to be unrelentingly honest men of character.

They also share some struggles they still face, as the journey to living in integrity is a life-long endeavor.  If you feel that you are not a man of integrity, there is a path before you.  It may not be easy, but nothing truly worthwhile in life is.

Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.
- MARCUS AURELIUS

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Resiliency – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness

Why a man must be resilient?

Every man is met with challenges and adversity. Every man is presented with situations that seem impossible to overcome, or at the very least, extremely difficult. There are times when a man may find himself hanging on by a thread, feeling that he can’t go on.

It’s in that moment that a man must choose resiliency. He must choose to stand up and fight. Whether it’s in a relationship, in his career, or staring down his demons, a man has to make a conscious decision to be resilient. That conscious decision will not only help him endure but will ultimately change this man forever. Through hard times comes tremendous growth and opportunity. Hard times create strong men.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of resiliency and why it’s integral in a man’s life. They share various examples and stories of how they faced challenges and having resiliency not only allowed them to overcome but to thrive, grow, and mature. The guys’ lives changed drastically simply by choosing to be resilient, fight, and to not give up.

You can experience the same. In this episode, we talk about what resiliency is, how it can be developed, and why it is so critical for men to experience hard things. We also dive into the mindset of how to develop resiliency if you are unsure of yourself and where to begin. Any man should become resilient. Too many men find themselves giving up or not even trying. It’s time to rewrite that narrative and change your life by learning to stand up and fight.

Show highlights and links include:

• The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday
• Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

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Prioritization- the action or process of deciding the relative importance or urgency of a thing or things.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into prioritization.  Specifically prioritization in busy times.  When things get chaotic, men need to be structured, prepared, and organized.

We all get busy.  Sometimes we get really busy, and things always seem to arise when you least expect them.  How many times have you had to deal with an unexpected fire at work or an incredibly stressful situation at home that you simply weren’t prepared for?  It happens all the time. 

Life rarely goes as planned.  However, when times get difficult, it’s incredibly important to be structured and disciplined.  You need to know how to respond, and by so doing, you will be able to confidently navigate these stormy waters. 

The guys review various practices, tools, and tactics that they’ve implemented and give some good insight into various things that you can incorporate to be a more structured, disciplined man who can properly prioritize and execute.

Show highlights and links include:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Deep Work by Cal Newport
• A Time: The Busy Manager’s Action Plan for Self Management by James Noon
• Getting Things Done by David Allen
• Todoist App
• Google Keep App
• Evernote App
• Eisenhower Matrix
• Time Blocking
• Manager Tools Podcast

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