Untaming Masculinity

Ask – Say something in order to obtain an answer or some information.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad field questions from listeners in their first ASK ME ANYTHING. If you have any questions you would like to ask the guys in a future AMA, post them on Instagram (@untamingmasculinity) or in the Untaming Masculinity Facebook Group.

Show Highlights

• With the vast personal development universe, where does a man start to find and get on the path?
• What habits do high achievers implement on a daily basis to stay ahead of the game?
• What tactics do you use to fight off the natural man (e.g., laziness, comfort, and complacency)?
• How do you say no to others so you have time to say yes to yourself?
• If you can’t do something like the Iron Council or another men’s group, how do you build a community of men or at least a core group?
• How can I get my wife to decide where to eat?
• Why are bees little assholes?

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Show Notes

• Atomic Habits – James Clear
• As A Man Thinketh – James Allen
• Can’t Hurt Me – David Goggins
• Miracle Morning – Hal Elrod
• No More Mr. Nice Guy – Robert Glover
• Andy Frisella Power List
• F3

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Late – doing something or taking place after the expected, proper, or usual time

Men often find themselves saying, “it’s too late for me to try that” or “I’m too old.” Whether it’s learning the guitar, going back to school, or starting a new business, there are things that men yearn to do but tell themselves that the ship has sailed.

Telling yourself it’s too late to start or to try creates limiting self-belief. That limiting self-belief will lead you down a path of regret, which will inevitably lead to a whole lot of “what if’s”.

Colonel Sanders started franchising Kentucky Fried Chicken at 62. A man named Fauja Singh started marathon running at the age of 84. While you may never achieve the heights of a Shaun White or a Gordon Ryan, think of what you will leave on the table if you don’t challenge yourself to try that thing you’ve always wanted to do.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of it never being too late to start. They talk about their forays into hunting, jiu-jitsu, and mountain biking in their late 30s and how those decisions have positively impacted them. They also talk about the concept of failing fast. You may try something and inevitably not see the benefit of it. If that’s the case, be comfortable walking away. You should not, however, be comfortable in telling yourself that it’s too late.

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Show Notes

• Can’t Hurt Me – David Goggins

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Conversation – oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas

Men often find themselves running from conversations or being unwilling to have them. Men also can find themselves not properly prioritizing what truly matters, and often find themselves lost as a result.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by Clint McInnes, a tattoo artist, hunter, jiu-jitsu practitioner, and all-around badass. He is the owner of Spark Tattoo Company in West Valley, Utah.

In this intensely powerful conversation, Clint discusses the path he forged to leave behind an established career filled with long hours to start an apprenticeship and eventually open his own tattoo shop. He made the intentional decision to prioritize his family by following his passion.

In his line of work, Clint spends hours with other individuals, often in a one-on-one setting, giving him the opportunity to have conversations with folks from all walks of life. These conversations can range from some fun banter to very deep, powerful, and often philosophical conversations.

Too often, we forget about the power of having conversations with others. These conversations allow and invite others to share details they may have otherwise not shared with anyone. Importantly, in having powerful conversations, it’s not always about what you have to say, but also the ability to be able to shut up and listen.

Clint also discusses how the path he has chosen in life has allowed him to prioritize and focus on what truly matters. By being his own boss and creating a successful business, he has the time and bandwidth to focus firstly on his family, so that when they need him, he can fully be there for them. This prioritization also extends to his interests and passions. By simply making a conscious decision to prioritize, he has the time to train Brazilian jiu-jitsu and hunt while running a thriving business.

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Contact Clint

• Instagram
• Facebook

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Emotion – a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

Far too often, men find themselves in situations they regret due to letting their emotions get the best of them. Acting out due to an emotional response has negatively affected the lives of too many men.

While emotion is natural and necessary, it’s vital to hone your emotional response. When fear, anger, or anxiety strike, you need to know how to process these emotions, then act.

When you act before processing these emotions, the people you hurt the most are more often than not the ones you love the most. The damage left in your wake can often be substantial.

By harnessing your emotions, you will begin to forge emotional intelligence and take control of your life.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad talk about not letting your emotions get the best of you. Having emotions is natural and expected, but it’s vital that you don’t allow the emotion to sabotage your relationships. They dive into several strategies that will help you recognize your emotion, process it, then act. Dan also introduces the concept of E+R=O, or Event + Response = Outcome. That result relies solely on you.

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Show Notes

• Unf*ck Yourself – Gary John Bishop
• Meditations – Marcus Aurelius
• Battle Cry – Jason Wilson
• E+R=O. (Event + Response = Outcome)

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Support – give assistance to; enable to function or act.

We as men have been told that we must go through life’s hardships alone, so many men stay quiet.

However, men are not equipped to go through so many trials, struggles, and adversity alone. Men also need to know that we are not going through life’s ups and downs alone and that we have others in our corner.

It’s a misnomer that men don’t want to talk about what is going on in their lives.

Most men want to talk about their struggles with someone, but it needs to be someone they can trust. Someone they know will withhold judgment while also challenging them to be better.

Too many men wait for a message or a call or a visit that, often, doesn’t come.

As we build our bands of brothers and our tribes, it’s critical to keep tabs on the men around us. To make sure they are doing ok and to check in on them.

Too many men struggle in silence, and sometimes just having someone reach out to them is exactly what they need to get back on track.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad talk about the importance of checking in on your boys. They discuss how checking in and being checked in on has positively impacted their lives and has gotten them through some recent struggles. They tactically talk about ways you can identify if something is off with one of your brothers, whether it’s them ghosting you or seeing a subtle change in their demeanor.

When you notice something different, reach out. It might make all the difference in the world.

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Show Notes

• Study Finds Sex Differences In Mental Illness
• TEDx: How To Tame Your Advice Monster

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Structure – the arrangement of and relations between the parts or elements of something complex.

We live in a world where too many men have lost their way. All too often, we see men who have turned their backs on God and the church. However, a relationship with God is critical for a man to fully embrace his masculine self.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by Father Michael Butler, archpriest for Holy Transfiguration Orthodox Church in Livonia, MI, and professional bodybuilder.

In this wide-ranging, powerful interview, Father Michael discusses his journey to the ministry and how serving God has been paramount in his life and the lives of his family.

Father Michael goes into detail about how his work is done out of gratitude for all that God has given him and how his work has been especially focused on young men and the importance of the church in their lives. There is an influx of men finding their way to faith and the church and we discuss in detail what these men stand to gain through finding faith, including Truth, stability, accountability, and brotherhood.

We are not meant to undertake this journey alone. As men turn from themselves to others, they find their purpose and are led back to God.

Father Michael also shares how he discovered bodybuilding at the age of 53 and outlines his journey into the world of professional bodybuilding. Bodybuilding has positively impacted every facet of his life, including his ministry. It’s a powerful testament to it never being too late to start changing your life.

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Show Notes

• Holy Transfiguration Church

Contact Father Michael Butler

• YouTube
• Facebook
• Instagram
• TikTok

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Adult Onset – beginning during adulthood (as opposed to childhood).

While many men spent their childhood hunting with their fathers, many more men never had that experience. What is happening is that more and more of these men in their 30s and 40s are being drawn to the idea and allure of hunting.

This phenomenon has been dubbed Adult Onset Hunting.

Whether it’s duck hunting in a blind on a lake or bow hunting for bull elk in Montana, these men are eager to get started on their journey. However, knowing where to begin can seem daunting.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad have the honor of sitting down with Sam Ayres, the founder of The Wild Initiative and host of the Wild Initiative podcast.

In our conversation, Sam documents his journey going from an ad agency career in Southern California wearing three-piece suits and cruising around in convertibles to moving to Montana and dedicating much of his life to hunting, fishing, and outdoor conservation.

He shares how easily men can get started and gets into the basics of what a first-time hunter should be investing in. He also documents the struggles and challenges of hunting, and how they ultimately have made him a better man.

The Wild Initiative is a hunting lifestyle brand and podcast with a chief focus of lowering the bar of entry to the outdoors, hunting and fishing. Some of Sam’s previous guests include Aron Snyder, Jim Shockey, Remi Warren, and countless others.

Sam’s contact information is listed below.

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Show Notes

• Electrocardiographic Responses to Deer Hunting in Men and Women
• Hunter Ed Laws and Reciprocity

Contact Sam Ayres

• The Wild Initiative
• The Wild Initiative Digital Media Group
• Instagram
• Facebook
• Twitter
• YouTube
• iTunes
• Stitcher

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Regret – a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

Eventually, all of us will die.

In those final moments, we will have an opportunity to reflect on life.

So many men will one day be on that death bed thinking “what if?”

• What if I had paid more attention to my kids?
• What if I had been a better husband?
• What if I had taken that chance to start a business?
• What if I had taken that hunting trip to Alaska I’d always dreamed of?

A man filled with “what ifs” is one filled with regret. We have one shot at life, so missed opportunities can very well haunt us all the way to the grave. We must focus on a life with no regrets, which is why we need to start living today, in the present.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss living a life free of regrets. They take about some of the steps they’ve taken to stop living for the future and start to focus on what matters in the here and now.

In a wide-ranging conversation, they begin to dive into what regrets they’ve had, what they are doing to ensure they don’t have regrets moving forward, and how men can simply live in the present, focused on what matters.

It starts with a mindset shift, but the rest is up to you to execute. If we live only for tomorrow, we’ll have a lot of empty yesterdays today.

Show Notes & Resources

• Unfu*ck Yourself – Gary John Bishop
• Tuesdays With Morrie – Mitch Albom
• Episode 825: Tactics and Mindset Shifts for Making The Most of Life (Art of Manliness)

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Prioritization – the action or process of deciding the relative importance or urgency of a thing or things.

We, as men, become stuck on the concept of prioritizing others.  It’s easy and feels almost natural to prioritize our families, our careers, and our responsibilities.  As a result, we often leave ourselves and our needs behind.

The results can be devastating.  Isolation, depression, and lives with unfulfilled potential are commonplace among men. 

The question then becomes why. 

Why do we deprioritize ourselves and put off our needs and interests? 

Why do we willingly sacrifice our well-being?

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad answer those questions and identify strategies to help you do something about it.  The guys share experiences in their lives and help you understand that this is something you can no longer put off.

Choosing to prioritize yourself makes you a better man for yourself AND your family. 

Choosing to prioritize yourself enhances your career. 

Every element of your life naturally improves through a deliberate, intentional focus on yourself.  As you make the time to go to the gym, learn a new skill, read good books, etc., your life will be enhanced and that focus on yourself will be felt by those that matter to you. 

Yes, there are boundaries and limits, but you are doing yourself and others a tremendous disservice by not prioritizing yourself. You simply have to be focused and intentional while not allowing excuses and feigned guilt to get in your way. 

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Code of Conduct – a set of rules outlining the norms, rules, and responsibilities or proper practices of an individual party or an organization.

Too many men wander aimlessly through life without a direction or without the focus needed to truly become what they are meant to become. That lack of direction can have devastating effects.

Learning focus and direction comes from understanding who you are and what you’re all about. That understanding is obtained through establishing terms of engagement for yourself in any circumstance, or in other words, a code.

As Jocko so succinctly states in The Code. The Evaluation. The Protocols: “We can prevail over mediocracy. We do that by chasing the ideal. Our ideal. An ideal that we must define. An ideal that we must codify in no uncertain terms so that we know what we are striving for. We must have a code to follow.”

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad take a look into what it means to create a code for yourself and why having one is so crucial.

A code should be something that speaks to your soul and compels you to action, so as a result, it is something that is intensely personal. It is not something to be taken lightly and deserves real time and investment in creating.

The guys share some tips on how to create a code for yourself, how to write one out, and how to make the conscious decision to live by this code every single day, no matter the circumstances. They also end the episode by sharing their personal codes of conduct, which provide them with the direction and clarity they need daily.

Show Notes:

• The Code. The Evaluation. The Protocols: Striving to Become an Eminently Qualified Human – Jocko Willink, Dave Berke, Sarah Armstrong
• Sovereignty: The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men – Ryan Michler
• “The Power of Uncomfortable Truths with Sean Whalen” – Order of Man Podcast
• “Episode 84. The Discipline Code” – Real AF with Andy Frisella Podcast
• “Forging Your Own Path with Mat Best” – Order of Man Podcast
• “The Churchill School of Adulthood – Lesson #1: Develop a Mighty Moral Code” – The Art of Manliness Podcast
• “The Pursuit with Pete Roberts” – Order of Man Podcast

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