Untitled Beatles Podcast

You got a problem with me, guy?

What about The Beatles, you don't got a problem with them, right? Because some of their songs, depending who you ask, are pretty darn problematic. Where's Jerry Falwell when you need him? Oh, yeah, dead! He Gone!!! 🥰

Tony and T.J. attempt very hard to get cancelled as they debate which Beatles songs are, to quote Lindsey Buckingham, Trouble; as they discuss their unique and very real compilations of Problematic Beatles Songs.

Along the way, Tony, T.J., and stone cold early 90s Miami DJ legend - nepotism alert! - DJ Double DJ, discuss these dirty, Murica hatin songs and also ask:

🤡 Is Matt Gaetz's favorite song, "I Saw Her Standing There"? Because, she was just 17? #GaetzyPuckett

👸 (Our Chicago friend at the bar. It's 3pm, he hasn't showered in a bit, and he just called the RC Cola delivery guy "Ozzie Guillen, Jr.") "How come Queen and Fred McMercury stole that big butts song from the Beatles and then Sir Mix A A Lot made a rap song about it? And how come rap music don't go away,  so I can feel comfortable again??"

🥛🎙️ If one man makes another man "spit on his microphone", is it probably at Matt Gaetz's house?

Not everyone gets lip serviced. Like, have you ever been lip serviced, pal?Being lip serviced, also known as “paying someone lip service” is when someone talks about you. For example, “Donald T****p once paid his daughter 💋Ivanka💋 lip service when he literally joked about wanting to date her on the Howard Stern show”. But it’s not usually that creepy or gross, in fact it’s often a compliment, like the many songs that feature a direct mention of The Beatles, in every generation and genre of music.

This week, Tony & T.J., as reproduced for podcast by Producer Casey, delve into some of their favorite (and least favorite) songs that mention The Beatles. They also wonder, aloud, because it’s a podcast…

🚨 Would “Kids Incorporated” have been a more interesting show if it was called “Kids Incarcerated”?

😴 Are Rod Rogers and Rick Astley the Dream Academy and Beatles of their respective eras? And why are you acting like you don’t know what that means, are you ok?

⛵️Who can say where the road goes? Where the day flows? And who can say if your love grows, as your heart chose? And, is this a joke or just lazily quoting Enya?

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In case you need it, here's last week's Songs for Times of Trouble playlist.

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For anyone with a pulse - and/or a mint copy of the Pink Floyd CD with a still-functioning blue light - Beatles music makes life better. The Fab 4 (or 5, depending where one sits with Sir Jimmie Nicol) were imperfect men, who created mostly perfect music; “12 Bar Original” and “Sie Liebt Dich”, notwithstanding. Despite their very human flaws and contradictions, they sought to communicate light and love through their remarkable music, lyrics, and an unmatched accessibility to every generation and background.

In mere hours, America [F**K YEAH!] will decide our next president. Regardless of one’s political leanings, it’s a stressful time ‘round here. And, when we find ourselves in times of trouble, many of us rely on Beatles music to soothe, entertain, inspire, and fulfill us. Those who don’t are probably d-bags, and it’s best to cancel them. #PeaceAndLove

Even though entertainers should absolutely stay in their lane and SHUT THEIR PIE HOLES about politics (looking at you, Chachi! And especially you, longtime host of NBC’s “The Apprentice”!), this week’s UBP focuses on favorite, optimistic music from the Beatles world that serves to inspire Tony & T.J. on the eve of this precarious moment in American history. Plus, there’s many insider-y, beltway-adjacent questions posed by our own Nate Silver and Nate Gold (#YukonCornelius #SoulTrain), as we also ask:

🤠 How many voters will be swayed by the effects of inflation on the pre-order price of Ringo’s new country + western cassette tape?

🦋 Is there a better chance MPL will release a Deluxe Archive Collection reissue of Ringo’s two versions of “Wings” before actually reissuing Wings “London Town” or Wings “Back To The Egg”? And will there ever be two versions of “Two Virgins”?

💉 Is the $80 vinyl of Sean’s “Mind Games: The Meditation Mixes” the RFK Jr. of Beatles re-issues? 

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If you're anything like us, you might want to bookmark this playlist.

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A book can take you anywhere…

…Out to sea on a vengeful hunt for a fierce white whale…Trapped on a stalled train car solving the grisly murder of a fellow passenger…Madly pacing at a record retailer, deciding whether or not to purchase a Leon Russell Christmas LP because it’s on green vinyl…

That last scenario hasn’t been published yet, and those pretentious snobs over at Simon & Schuster won’t accept unsolicited submissions. Same goes for Penguin. And the dorks at HarperCollins. And the jerks at Random House. And Macmillan. And The Hachette Book Group…

That’s why this week, per another fab listener suggestion, T.J. and Tony are taken to 1960s Great Britain, where they discuss some of their favorite Beatles books.

Were this episode to be optioned into a page turning best seller, these would be some of the chapters:

🎙️💀 Other Podcasts Who Shall Not Be Named

🏃‍♀️🏠 Begrudging Appreciation For “She’s Leaving Home”

📚⛽️ Recommended Reading At Gas Stations

💿🏙️ Reckless Records Locations in Chicago 1988-1993

🚫🍊 Incorrect Pronunciations of “Pomelo”

If this all sounds boring to you, bring a book!

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In 2003, The Redwalls, a really good band hailing from Chicago suburb Deerfield, IL kicked off their album “Universal Blues” by encouraging a “Colorful Revolution”; in a most Beatle-esque Banger fashion.

By coincidence (?), a mere 31 years earlier, there was a colorful “Daytime Revolution” as John, Yoko, and friends took over a week’s worth of “The Mike Douglas Show” - a.k.a. the guy all of us, if we’re being honest, initially confused/conflated with “The Dick Cavett Show”.

This new, soon-to-stream documentary examines these historic episodes, and had a brief in-theaters showing on what would’ve been John’s 84th birthday. Tony saw the film solo in Chicago suburb Glenview, IL, as T.J. handled the un-related, un-paid improv rehearsal many miles from his home - and even further from #GlenviewsFamousDawgPark. The result is a new-ish phase Beatles podcast, reproduced for streaming by Producer Casey. Roll up for this special UBP field trip, an aural journey (cue: “Faithfully”) of Tony documenting a documentary, as documentary commentary from T.J. documents Tony’s documentary commentary of the documentary's documentary commentary.

ALSO: The UBP’s Medved + (Helen) Roeper ask:

🔥🏡 Does a movie with too many talking heads stop making sense? Or does it get nothing but flowers? Is Wings Wild Life > Wild Wild Life? Sick Byrne, qu’est-ce que c'est?

⚾️📻 (Chicago guy - a Sox fan, but he doesn’t hate the Cubs; only Wrigleyville and their fans, and maybe he has a point): “How come the unique single mix of Steve Goodman’s “Go Cubs Go” - pressed, my friendt, on WGN Records! - ain’t been made available anywhere else since the original 45? Maybe Dean Richards will return one of my many handwritten letters and tell me what exactly woke WGN is trying to hide?

🥪 Would former American Idol Reuben Studard have been more successful if he’d been slathered in extra 1000 Island and better swiss?

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What is Beatle-esque? Webster’s Dictionary has no entry for the term. Nor does Punky Brewster’s Dictionary or Boner’s Thesaurus. Historians have speculated, scholars have debated, and Beatle sniffers have sniffed for a little too long, yet no one knows for certain.

So this week our listeners help define the phrase with their own submissions of non-Beatles songs that evoke the Fab Four, aka Beatle-esque Bangers.

T.J. and Tony also offer a couple of their own bangers (a la carte, sans mash)…with lively controversial results. Will be fab!

Along the way, the Nerk Nerds ponder:

📠 If Neil Innes is a xerox of a xerox of The Beatles, how many xeroxes would it take to make The Spin Doctors?

💸 (Angry Chicago Guy): “HOW COME THOZE JAGOFFS OVER AT DA ANTIQUE ROADSHOWS WONT APPRAISE MY 1982 GARY US BOND?? Diane sez I’m late on palimony again BUT SHEEZ DA ONE DAT TOSSED OUT MY WALTER PAYTON COMMEMORATIVE WHEATIES BOX. NOW I HAVE NUTHIN!!!”

🐒 Since Elvis sounds like Paul (who had a secretary named Lincoln), does Linda sound like Priscilla (who had a secretary named Kennedy and a chimpanzee named Ringo)?

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As Marla Gibbs (look her up, Boomer. Did I get that right?) once said, “there’s no place like home!” And she was obviously singing about Skokie, Illinois - home of a cookie cutter AMC Movie Palace so glorious, it rivals only Chicago’s famous Esquire Theater, now home to a shuttered Dallas-based steak chain. (#Progress)

Usually, Tony and T.J. only go on post-Bears game movie dates when it involves seeing the latest Marvel sequel to a Marvel sequel. (Turn up the volume on those explosions, projector man!) But a special field trip was made after a SEASON-TURNING BEARS WIN, to go see the limited, first ever theatrical release of Paul McCartney’s “One Hand Clapping”. Is the film better on the big screen than tucked away on the “Band On The Run” Archive Collection DVD? Does the music rock even harder in the theater? What’s the deal with popcorn prices these days, Obama? Tony and T.J. ask these salient and Soily questions, and also ponder from the backyard (of the theater):

📚😭 Is the Half Price Books in Skokie, IL this generation’s Tower Records? And if it is, is society in more trouble than we previously ever imagined?

🍿💩 Did “The Popcorn Kid”, the 1987 CBS flop about teens working in a movie theater, that T.J. used to videotape for some weirdo reason, ever have an episode about cleaning human feces from an exterior wall?

🍔🤮 (Angry Chicago Guy): “How come woke Tony don’t ever get no Ohio-based Red Robin Gourmet Burgers on Hulu/FX’s “The Bear”? Some Chicagoan, NOT!” (He laughs a little too hard at his own use of “NOT”, and begins to cough up Old Style from acid reflux. He vomits on his worn shoes. It’s quite sad, actually. His son doesn’t even call him anymore on Christmas; and after the hell he went through as a kid, damn right he doesn’t. And yet, this man needs help - especially after this White Sox season - and y’all laugh? Like your life is perfect? What do you get out of this abject cruelty? Maybe that’s a better question.)

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Sick episode, bro!

No, literally, this episode is sick!

Well, actually, Producer Casey was sick with COVID-19 during what was supposed to be a rare, in-person, Rosemont reunion of the Ubp3. #Cantaloop

Fortunately, The Fest For Beatles Fans (nee “Beatlefest”) is always sick. Sick, in a good way, like the kids said in spring, ’95. We need to legally mention that the Fest was NOT COVID-19 sick, thankfully; which means it probably injected bleach, and horse dewormer. What a great way to own the libz, for freedumb!

Somehow, Tony & T.J. were as healthy as two legally-giddy, mid-1970’s born Chicago guys can be, so they spent two beautiful days checking out all that this inspiring, lovely collection of fellow Beatles nerds has to offer. And Poducer Casey was able to rally, and contribute to our recorded shenanigans at the Fest from his sad, GrubHub-reekin’ hotel room. (Oddly, Casey did not order GrubHub.)

So stop your elitist reading, just push play (#FUAerosmith), and come celebrate the 50th Anniversary of The Fest for Beatles Fans with us! Because we also ask other burning Beatles questions, like:

🎞️🎶 Is giving someone a beat-up U.K. 45 of “The Beatles Movie Medley”, without the famously infamous picture sleeve, a “gift” or a “terrible insult”?

🐄🍺 Isn’t Bruce Spizer PARTIALLY to blame for leaving his books within the vicinity of a beer swiggin’ Shandawg? And will T.J. ever get over the immense guilt for accidentially-yet-irresponsibly destroying his favorite Beatles historian's books?

👀🏈 (Angry Chicago guy, he smells like Comiskey circa 1987) HOW COME THE SUZANNE SUMMERS VEHICLE “SHE’S THE SHERIFF” DIDN’T HAVE NO ROPERS OR FURLEYS? AND HOW COME KYLE ORTMAN [sic, moron] AIN’T ON THE BEARS NO MORE?

The Untitled Beatles Podcast extends our deepest gratitude to the Fest For Beatles Fans for their incredible spirit, hospitality and love for all things Fab. And we salute the legendary Terri Hemmert for being both the longtime emcee and Chicago Radio Royalty!

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Move aside, Mark Lewisohn. It's SPIZERTIME.

That's right. At long last, the Beatles have announced a new 8 LP box set of the U.S. Beatles records they're (dubiously) calling "The Beatles: 1964 Albums in Mono".

T.J.'s first phone call was to the Venture at North Ave. and Kostner to pre-order his box set.

His next call was to his doctor, to address a sudden and impolite-to-discuss medical condition lasting longer than 4 hours. #ringthebonephone

And his third (and arguably most important) call was to his pal Tony so they could compare their hopes and dreams for the impending November release. [Editor's note: T.J. impending release joke #REDACTED]

They also cover the truly pressing questions, like:

📼 Will Tony pick up a copy of the box set, or just hope to gather someone's discarded, unwound cassette tape by the side of the Eisenhower Expressway and respool it?

💨 Are you more of a Beatle fart guy, or a Stones fart guy? And what's Charlie Watts got against Heinz Baked Beans?

🥃 [Angry Chicago guy after two too many Malorts] "How come Calderstone still ain't released Jolly What! England's Greatest Recording Stars: The Beatles & Frank Ifield on Stage"?

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Attention loyal podcast description reader! Mighty fine morning in your town, init? Say, are you an “Only People” fan? Ever think, “I want to be, but it’s just not long enough!” Well, have we got a John Lennon boxed set for you, featuring 11 - count ‘em, 11 - more seconds of “Only People”. It’s “Mind Games!” Still a Capitol Records Value, now available for the low price of one month’s rent/mortgage. #ImagineNoPosessions

The Grumpy Gabbers deep dish this sprawling Lennon reissue’s many gorgeous ups and frustrating (Hugh) downs: the demos, myriad remixes, hidden tracks, glow-in-the-dark RSD exclusives, and more, like:

🎸 Does WFUK-96.9 FM - APPLETON’S HOME FOR F**K ROCK - play too little Led Apron?

🍌 If “Now & Then” is, technically, a Beatles song, is “Nutopian International Anthem (Evolution Documentary) technically a Rutles song?

🪄✌️ (Angry Chicago Guy, He’s Not Sober) “How come Tony don’t get no “Wizard Of Oz” references? And how come I took mushrooms after Super Bowl XX and watched my VHS of “Wizard Of Oz” synced up to “Pipes Of Peace”, and it all made sense?”

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