Lara and Carey are back over the hill in the gorgeous and legendary San Fernando Valley. But first, they discuss Zoe Saldaña announcing the obvious about her Oscar statuette and the dystopian horror of the Boston Dynamic robot dog can-can on the most recent America’s Got Talent. 

Back on The Valley, D-Day approaches: Jax will soon be released from “The Facility,” and Brittany is battening down the hatches. She reveals the “cardiac event” that landed Jax in hospital care was as fake as the rehab he’s pretending to be in. Janet, Jasmine, and Jason bury the beef over margaritas, as Doute’s role in their schism is uncovered. Scheana’s friend Jenna (of old VPR lore) tells Jesse about her past with Michelle’s boyfriend, and Michelle struggles with being in dire need of attention. Completing his coup d’e’tat to oust Jared Lips as Brittany’s best gay, Zack throws her a shawts fest at Jax’s Tavern on the eve of Jax’s return, but Danny’s inner glug-glug demon comes out to play once more. Not even Nia’s tried and true al anon extraction ritual may be able to save the day this time… 

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