Vanessa’s Lack Thereof

This is an episode about my physical body and the ways I have to operate to gain control of it. The “normal” methods have been ineffective for me and here I go again trying to solve this problem. Cheers to resilience and persistence ✌🏾😈

My unlearning of unwanted behaviors is still in progress so if I sound (insert negative words) so be it. This is part of the price I must pay so I am going to learn to do that with a positive uplifting attitude. Furthermore, should people be dumb enough to deliberately misuse my words to create some bullshit narrative in the far off future… “there’ll be hell to pay” (Jim Carrey, the Grinch) Because lucky for me, I have evidentiary support to display I meant no harm; just doing my version of helping others help themselves by documenting my specific journey. I can agree it’s perhaps out of the box and odd and I am perfectly okay with that because I know in the long run the dots will connect. And even if they don’t I trust I will learn valuable lessons to keep me moving forward. What more could I ask 🫶🏾💘

Here I am discussing why I believe that individualism eventually can turn to “socialism” (for lack of a better term) and so we do not need to worry or stress about everyone and everything. We just need to start where we stand and begin working on ourselves and that road will eventually (hopefully) lead to kinder, giving and more understanding humans.

Just me speaking on a time my dumb ass got caught stealing at Kmart. It was stupid, humiliating, and I’ve tried to push it down and forget it ever happened. But it did happen and I’ll be damned if I hide from it any longer. I will not be bullied or allow ANY mother fucking ONE to hold it over my head or try to make me feel some type of negative way. Plus part of this journey of mine includes tons of self-deprecating and embarrassing moments. I can’t change what happened but I can ensure I behave with character and honor as I continually move forward. So that is what I am working on constantly 💩💩

Just me venting in real time about a trigger that randomly affected me. I cannot stand people hacking information and profiles for shallow, dumb ass reasons especially. So this is a psa to ensure I control me and my narrative as best as I can. And if you want to come for me just remember I will not go easy on ya. So better to just get a life of your own for yourself.

Here I am speaking on what I think “American values” are and how I am in the middle. I can understand both sides strengths and weaknesses and am still deciding my opinion on the matter. I am a big believer in the individual; the underdog. And also recognize the truth is at times uncomfortable, unkind and tough to swallow. But as long as we’re open & committed to the long term game I believe there is hope still.

I’m talking about people who say things like “easy for them to say, they’re rich, they’re at an advantage, they are an overnight success, they’re super human, they are above me” etc etc. Progress is a slow, long term game that requires patience, persistence, belief, certainty, exceptional self love & self correction. You have to adjust yourself and be uncomfortable in the short term to see genuine progress and elevation in the long term 🫵🏾🫡👏🏾

Here I am discussing how I use my new mindset to impress upon it the idea and belief that I am an Alpha; a Leader. It’s been a long road just to get here and that makes it far more enjoyable for me to see positive wins. Every day you will be tested - so I’ve got to stay ahead 👣🗣🫵🏾🦾

I am realizing my body is not where I want it to be at all. There was a time this realization would wreck me so bad that it would change my mood to become more negative and I would hate everyone, especially myself. Nowadays I am less critical of myself and have found the inner strength to be who I am fully. Doesn’t matter how long it takes me to be in the meat suit of my dreams as long as I consistently prove to myself that I am worthy of love regardless. I’m loving this part of my journey so much because I can’t think of a better way to spend my time and energy. Loving myself just keeps getting better ❤️‍🩹👽🌮🌮🌮🌮

Here I discuss and document a proud moment of growth for me. I was acting with faith in myself instead of fear of what others may say or think. I understand this weird ass game of “reality” requires souls to play parts in our lives and sometimes it’s in an ugly light; bad taste. Still, the lessons are valuable and worth enduring by me for me. I am obsessed with this truest version of myself and nothing and nobody will control me any longer! Like Kanye mother fuckers can’t tell me nothin!!! All I need to focus on is my vision, character, heart and mind. Because I know all else will fall into place when the time is right. Til’ then I just gotta keep doing me; keep loving me. And that, I will certainly do 🤘🏾💋