For thirty years, my father controlled every version of the story — what was said, what wasn't, and what was changed to suit the story he wanted to tell.
 But in this episode, something shifts. My mother finally demands that everything be put in writing. It is the first moment she begins taking back her power — by keeping a record he can no longer rewrite at will.

In this episode, I read an excerpt from the letter that changed everything — and marked the beginning of the brief silence that leads up to an explosion none of us saw coming. I explore how one simple demand — put it in writing — set the stage for what would eventually expose him, in his own words.

I also look at how written proof exposed the truth in several highly publicized cases — from Erin Brockovich and Taylor Swift to Monica Lewinsky, Theranos, and Britney Spears.

Because in the end, stories can be spun. Memories can be doubted. But writing… writing is evidence. And evidence changes everything.

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, abuse, and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman 

In this episode, I revisit one of the most damaging rules my father ever imposed: Don’t tell your mother. Through letters, reflection, and childhood stories, I unpack how silence became the foundation of control — and how triangulation destroyed trust between my mother, my sister, and me.  I also look deeper into how and why telling a child not to tell their mother works so well, by examining two films  — The Tale (2018) and American Beauty (1999). Both reveal how grooming and justification are often disguised as art, freedom, or love.  It makes me question how we can ever protect children when society keeps rewarding the people who blur the lines between love and control, between admiration and objectification, and between art and abuse. 

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including grooming, abuse, and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman (used with permission under Creative Commons license).

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I continue reading my mother’s letters — one to my father, and one to my sister and me — as she reflects on the choices that shaped her marriage and the lessons she wanted us to learn from it. Through her words, I see how painful examples become powerful teachers, and how role models don’t just show us daughters what to do — they show us what to survive. I also explore the concept of triangulation, a manipulation tactic at the heart of so many family dynamics, and compare it to what unfolds in the film The Talented Mr. Ripley —  where charm, deception, and emotional control become a means of power.  In working on this episode, I realize that my father’s manipulation didn’t begin years into their marriage — it started right at the beginning. 

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, manipulation, emotional abuse, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman (used with permission under Creative Commons license).

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, the words “I say it with love” take on a darker meaning. My father’s letter to my mother shows how abusers disguise control as concern — twisting affection into manipulation and calling it love. My mother’s response reveals exhaustion, self-awareness, and the first signs of emotional freedom. Together, their letters show how love can be used to confuse, silence, and bind. I also explore the story of Mel B, whose public battle with gaslighting and coercive control echoes the same pattern behind closed doors. This episode asks one haunting question: when love becomes a weapon, how do you recognize it? 

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit: Moonlight Sonata, performed by Paul Pitman

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, control doesn’t always look like control. Through two revealing letters — I start to uncover the many layers of abuse my father used against my mother.  Gaslighting, coercive control, contemp, manipulation - all forms of verbal abuse that, on the surface, didn't necessarily look like abuse at all. My father’s words show the subtleties of coercive control: how power hides behind reason, and how “calmness” becomes a tool to silence. My sister’s letter, in contrast, exposes the cracks — a quiet rebellion against the narrative he’s tried to write for all of us.  I also reflect on the story of Elizabeth Smart, whose survival reveals how manipulation and psychological control can completely alter a person’s sense of reality.  This episode asks: when someone controls the story, how do you reclaim your voice?

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit: Moonlight Sonata, performed by Paul Pitman

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I look at how control can hide behind care — especially when it comes to money, home, and dependence. To an outsider, the letters in this episode look like simple negotiations over housing and money. But when I revisit them, I see how they were really my first understanding of the coercive control my father had over my mother. What my father called generosity was really management — a quiet, calculated form of control. When my father claimed Curtis wanted to live with him, despite Curtis telling my mother the opposite just hours earlier, my mother instantly folded, accepting his version of events without question or double-checking with Curtis. I also reflect on Britney Spears’ conservatorship, as it became one of the most visible modern examples of coercive control, where protection was used as justification for power. My mother’s world was smaller, but the pattern was similar. What looked like practical “living arrangements” was actually another example of my father's abuse.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, manipulation, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit: Moonlight Sonata, performed by Paul Pitman

To an outsider, it was just a passing comment. To us, it was a bomb.  This episode reveals how words can wound like weapons, how secrecy can preserve and destroy, and how silence leaves its mark — from my sister’s abusive relationship to my own. Families aren’t the only ones who guard their private “business.” Churches, schools, and organizations do the same, protecting reputation at the cost of truth. Family Business investigates the danger of boundaries that keep secrets hidden away — and the cost carried by those trapped inside. 

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, domestic violence, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Every game begins with a first move. For my family, my father's threat set off years of conflict, loyalty tests, and betrayal. The Opening Gambit uncovers the roots of my family’s story — a story of power, manipulation, and deception. From the founding of the school to the first signs of abuse, this episode lays the foundation for the game my father played - a game none of us realized we were part of.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners.  If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 

A true story of how one man’s lies and unchecked power tore his family apart — and my investigation into why so many chose to believe him instead of the truth.

When I was five years old, I watched my father threaten to drive off a bridge. Years later, I began to understand the truth: my father — a respected school headmaster and teacher, beloved by families and students — was not who he seemed to be.

Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power is a true story of how one man’s lies and unchecked power tore his family apart, and my quest to understand why so many chose to believe him instead of the truth. 

Told through the very letters exchanged during my parents’ divorce, and the memories I can’t forget, this podcast reveals what happens when you challenge the one who controls the board.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners.  If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 

Season 1 begins September 9, 2025.