Once again, the gang from VERSUS rises like the morning sun to cast light upon the dark, cold corners of the planet Earth—bringing warmth, contentment, and the very definition of beauty to the masses simply because they can. How do they achieve such celestial splendor by way of a stupid podcast where three dudes yell at each other? Well, partner, that there's a mystery I wouldn't care to solve even if I could. Let's just take a moment to bask in the glow while the glow's still here...

On this the WOWEE DID HE SAY THIRTIETH?? episode of VERSUS: our contestants trade blows in a battle of short-term memory, improvise effortlessly off of one another like only two pros can, and pitch a product so good it could stop the heart of a Shark Tank Shark.

VERSUS: I Love Ya, Honey, I Love Ya!™

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Listen y'all: It's late, I've gotta go to bed, and I'm just plain out of juice. Can we pretend like I wrote something funny for the descriptive copy this week? Can we just envision a world in which I didn't entirely phone it in, and sat down to write something clever and worth your time? That would be super helpful for me. I promise to do better next week—for reals. Thanks, and I love you.

On this week's spectacular carousel of wonders: the fellas guess numbers, create the greatest movie ever, and hear a soft little voice that probably isn't a result of a brain injury.

VERSUS: It's What's For Dinner™

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Awwwww lordy, it's happened again! Like snow tumbling down a mountain, VERSUS is picking up steam, gaining traction, and growing to a size so massive that it will easily destroy the small village at the end of its path. Nobody is safe, because this juggernaut of improvised comedy is about to crash through buildings with no regard for whether said building is the local orphanage, which the VERSUS snowball is currently headed straight for.

On this week's natural disaster: the Therrible Three make loud noises that almost certainly interrupted the open mic happening above their recording studio, tempt the delicious fates, and visit the local gastrotisserie.

VERSUS: Combat Sequence Initiated™

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After a big old four-week stretch of the gams, the VERSUS gang is back from summer hiatus to bring you more unscripted comedy that the FDA has proudly labeled the first non-food/non-drug item deemed unfit for human consumption!

This week, the sailors find their sea legs once again by disagreeing with one another, getting groovy with astrology, and experiencing a drive-by neighboring.

VERSUS: Because It Feels Good, Dang It!™

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You put the lime in the coconut? The whole thing? The ENTIRE lime? IN the coconut? I'm just not following man. Look, this all sounds incredibly groovy and I'm with you one-hundred percent, I just need to understand...IN the coconut?

Speaking of confusing instructions, this week Game Master Drew made the fellas: apologize for their tardiness, speak the subtext, and relive the horrors of previous employment.

VERSUS: You Can't Hold a Candle to It, Because You Have No Idea What That Means™

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This week, we're gonna try something new. We're pivoting to salads. Starting off with a trio of classic Caesar, a nice watermelon/mint/feta salad for the summer, and one with like roasted squash and arugula or whatever, probably like some pepitas that sounds good. I dunno man, podcasting is hard, we're feeling like salads might be more interesting to people. Sound off in the comments if you agree.

On this week's delicious mix: kind words, supercomputer-ly generated words, and words from THE FUTURE.

VERSUS: If You Ain't Bleedin', You Ain't Wipin'™

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Hilarious episode description TK

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As the boys from VERSUS ramp up for an epic summer vacation, their whole world falls apart when the local skating rink suffers a devastating rat infestation. The bills are piling up and the skating rink is on the brink...of bankruptcy! Will our heroes be able to save their precious summer hangout by launching a  bikini-car-wash fundraiser? Not with these bodies! That's why they've recruited Eric "the Comedian Who Has Killed the Most Rats" Schmidt and his beloved Jack Russel terrier sidekick Bonewish to help dismember the rodents and also because everybody knows that dogs are a total chick magnet, bro. We are SO getting laid! (I know, I know, but just dream with us here, people.)

On this week's feel-good summer blockbuster: the gang gets to know each other better, reenacts their favorite childhood sitcoms, and creates a nature documentary so good that it'll finally put that David Attenborough jerk in the ground WHERE HE BELONGS.

VERSUS: Samantha-Rebecca Robinson Was Totally Just Checking You Out, Bro!™

CHECK OUT SCHMIDT'S SH*T

Talking Schmidt
Apple Podcasts / Spotify
Twitter: @TalkingSchmidt

Good For You Comedy
Facebook
Twitter: @GoodForYouNYC

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It's the year 2022. A human being sits hunched over a mechanical computer keyboard, feverishly typing. He's trying to keep his right knee extended. He asked too much of it when he rode his bike from Manhattan to Queens to record his podcast last weekend—it's healing fine, but slowly. He sighs deeply. He's not a young man anymore. He feels young of mind, spry of body, but he can feel the slow tendrils of time beginning to take hold, wrapping around the knee, harder to shake off.

His computer screen reads: On this week's metatastic metacast, the gang from VERSUS is suspended indefinitely in time and space inside of a 21-minute, 11-second bubble of comedy in which they can be heard making alphabetic taxonomies, getting a lesson from Malachi about how to act in a real Hollywood audition, and ruling with an iron foot.

VERSUS: It's VERSUS: It's VERSUS: It's VERSUS: It's VERSUS...™

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Heaven is a house on a lake on a warm day where your only care in the world is looking after the ones you love. Unfortunately, in the real world, lakefront property is extremely expensive and our loved ones all left us because we kept putting "air quotes" around "everything." Thank the Deity for squatters' rights though, amiright? Just a few more months without the Feds finding me and I'm gonna squat my way into my own little slice of heaven...

On the lam this week: the fellas draw a blank, are just the absolute worst, and hold out a thumb for the Acid Lord Kronos!

VERSUS: One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Lovers (Call Me)™

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