Just doing the doing.

___________________________

TRANSCRIPT

Who wants to admit to themselves that the people they surrounded themselves with didn't never loved them?

I didn't want it to admit that for the longest time. When you don't realize that the people around you are only using you as a number even through all the tragedy, and even after all the things, I never wanted to project what had been done to me onto others.

I did what I was supposed to do as a human being and to think that the world is so empty that each person decided I deserved the treatment I've been getting.

I worked all my life for the things of my own. I never asked for anything because there was always a penalty or a cost or some kind of chain attached.

So I never asked. In my world, if I asked for anything, there was always retribution. So I just stopped. I learned to go around it. I learned to do for myself so I guess my kryptonite is asking for help and it's funny because when I was in paramedic school, one of them, med… one of my, I guess, people who harmed me now, but he was training, training me at the time, and he said, you gotta ask for help and then I did.

I did when I was losing my life. And y'all exploited me. And it hurts. It hurts because none of you had the medical knowledge to know, or in and now I think you just don't even care. You didn't have the medical knowledge to know, and does it really matter at this point? Because you are who you are to me. You've treated me the way you have to find out and witness, you believed lies over the truth of me and that's why it was distracting.

It's why when I would go into meetings with people with troubled relationships with substances, they would look at me weird because they knew I didn't fit. And each one of you around me knew I didn't take any substances. I've never had a troubled relationship with substances. I was always the one who was not invited to the reindeer games because for some reason when I wasn't my just being in the room, not drinking and talking with everybody. Apparently led to judgment on your part that I would judge you so to cover up the fact that I was literally coming back to life like literally y’all, I was down so long that I experienced heaven and I am a witness to heaven now and that I'm grateful for, but now I'm fighting to live.

Because you every one of you think I am unworthy of any kind of word. I think you to see my mother die. And we were working on forgiveness with one another, and. Each one of you. decided to take that from me.

You took what little I had left of my GaMi, and you decided I didn't deserve that either. You decided I didn't deserve my child, which I can understand because I didn't know I was married to a fucking demon. But I can't, none of you loved me because you could have told me and you never did.

You wanted to profit.

And then you came and just stole everything from me to give it to your pretty little things, that fucking lie.

This is why you're so covered up in substances and external reaches, because you're not kind people. You have broken me, you took my mother from me. I couldn't say anything to her. And then you threw me out on the ground with no foundation. And now I'm supposed to live while I'm begging God to die, while I'm begging God to let me come home again, because I was good. I was a good person, and I deserved to stay up in heaven.

And I have to be down here with y'all, who are so unkind, it is painful. It is painful. And you make me want to not live every day. You have no words of kindness. You have no remorse for what you do to other people. The only thing any single one of you can do is think of how you can profit for yourself.

And my whole family is dead to me now forever. And you don't care and it fucking hurts. It hurts.

And this is suffering and God said to live is not to suffer, but you people invoke suffering on purpose, just to give yourself something to do. That's how empty you are.

And now I have to wait. I have to wait to see if I can get permission to extricate myself from a coerced marriage that you all manufactured in the void of fraudulent conveyances, which was the stupidest, stupidest business decision. You are soulless creatures. The amount of people you affect with your goddamn lies. It is amazing. You are alive.

And I wonder every day I ask God every day, what is the lesson for the presence of you? Because you are demons. You take faith, hope, and joy, and justice from everybody to satisfy and feed yourselves. You are the hidden enemies written about in the Song of Psalms.

You are the reason people take so many medications just to feel like living because you take life and you give death, and you wonder why nobody wants to be around you on purpose.

Your parents must have fucking hated you. That's all I can think of, because this is how you are reacting to the world. Your parents must have tortured the fuck out of you that you get enjoyment from seeking sadness and lack of hope and death and others.

This is what each of you portray. You helped the demons get to the top because you had nothing to fucking do because you didn't believe the shit happened in the first place. So let's see what happens now. You don't give a shit about any other human. You only give a shit about yourselves, and you surround yourself with yourself so you can hear your lies mirrored back and forth every single day.

So you can think and believe in the lie that you are good people.

And I sit here begging to die to go home to heaven because of you. You give me no word, you give me no letters, no consent, no informed consent, no word about anything. All I have is a room full of ghosts and no word. You took everything from me.

You are fucking demons.

And I don't deserve to live down here with you. I was a good person. I was saving kids that were lost, and you got mad. That's what happened. You got mad, that I kept finding them and reporting them. I didn't stop. That's how great your fear is. Every single one of you.

Your fear is so great that you would rather kill somebody than recognize that you are a fucking sinner. You are extinguishing lives as if you were a god. and I have to sit here and pray every day that I can return home to heaven, because I have never been a burden on this system.

I have always made my own way.

And you took it from me, leaving me no foundation, saying they're getting pissed up and pointing the finger at my father and everybody else.

It's you! You are a disgrace to humanity. You as all of you, you as one organ singing as fucking hate.

You are a disgrace to humanity.

Imagine how much money all the “More of U.S. than You” club, aka the Suffering Olympics team could save and build a proper Foundation of Numbers with if only they were kind people as a natural consequence?

Have you ever thought about that?

I can’t fathom being such an awful person that I have to go hire an entire social media army to speak well for me as if they truly know me and weren’t hired ten minutes ago because I’m an asshole person as commonality?

It blows my mind. 💨

I’m allergic to living and breathing the same oxygen as child and human violators who are so empty they only know how to Profit above heartbeats.

I’m ready for y’all to enjoy your “more of us than you,” party and sail on.

It’s stupid to keep up with this charade and remain a burden on a system that stole everything from me so they could justify complaining about people like me to feed themselves.

The more of us than you club creates the Suffering Olympics for others because they enjoy it and y’all must enjoy it, too, because everyone eats it up.

I have no idea why I was made to live, God Our Father. I want to come Home now. I’m making my way, come Hell or High Water.

There is more love for me on the other side.

I fought for the rights of the cannabis industry and The Last Prisoner Project decided to make me a prisoner and victim when I already was being exploited and victimized.

“Let’s make it a Fed op with the child violator we like more.”

So then Cristy Kim calls, “I’ve got something for you.”

I was definitely lost because then My Father shows up, but I didn’t know he was my Father as we had never met before and I wasn’t looking, and because I was so drugged up by Mr. James Haltom who made all my food and drink. Mr. Haltom used me as a pawn in the cannabis reality game, but I was really being used as ransom and y’all all watched and participated.

I started growing because I was dying and God Our Father told me to so that I could live. Y’all decided to just come on in, unwarranted, while everyone on all sides took advantage and exploited because this is truly who each of you are; you exploit vulnerable people using unwarranted means and you steal to call it winning at life.

You stole a free clinic and supplies.

You stole my inheritance.

You stole my Mother’s house while rendering me homeless.

You steal from foster organizations to give it to yourselves.

You steal Faith, Hope, and Joy from others because you lack any of it yourselves and you actually believe you are demigods based upon the treatment of me.

……………….

Mr. Haltom sold the guns to the network, and sold me and my child to others to be drugged, raped, and filmed for profit.

https://www.jacksonville.com/story/entertainment/local/2017/04/09/sons-guns-reality-tv-star-will-hayden-convicted-rape-charges/15750036007/

Please make it easier for me to see you in court and drop your attorney information below, DeAngelo. I’ve asked for your besties, Kim Kardashian, Elon Musk, and Kanye West to do the same.

I’ll be sending correspondence to 960 Aspen Drive, Virginia Beach, VA, too. Not all at once, since I have to beg, borrow, and plead for my existence as deemed fit by the likes of your kind.

Y’all have the entire nation’s attorneys, along with 120+ Joh Doe litigants, plus their representatives, gun manufacturers firms, against me as One.

https://www.pacermonitor.com/public/case/29958308/Prospect_Capital_Corporation_v_Wellspring_Capital_Management,_LLC_et_al

Everyone appears to carry more meaning as a human than what has been shown to me that I deserve.

https://amp.thestate.com/news/business/article231381818.html

I must have something important to say. I’m me as One person against all of y’all.

Do I Believe that I will ever see the Light of Justice? Not in what’s left of my lifetime. It’s my words that matter to me since nothing I say or the fact that I’m a human being means nothing to any of you.

If you are so proud and justified in the treatment of me, what’s with all the hiding in privilege like the Hidden Enemies written about in Psalms you are?

“Oh, just go steal it….words, life, memories, images, inheritances, more of us than her.”

So proud all the time, why hide?

Memories are so much fun sometimes. Aren’t they? Something comes along and jars something loose.

…. The Transcript…

The last words, my mother ever said to me that I have been left with as a gift I guess you could say It was boxing day 2018 is a last time I heard from my mother

Her last words to me were “I'm never going to see you again,” and it wasn't in that calm of a voice and everybody ever since that day has assisted in the harm of m.

Every single one of you assisted in putting me back in the hands of those who used to torment me as a child and make me perform for them every single one of you. Every single one of you have been OK with leaving me out in the water to drown on my own with the thought that I wouldn't survive. in any thought of me now today is only because I lived It doesn't feel good to say that It doesn't feel good to say that and recognize that you are the same people who made me homeless to better yourselves and to profit for yourselves and for your own numbers

while me, my daughter, and my mother drowned

we are separated forever because of your actions each one of you

and some of you out there have TV personalities who actually think you have the right to act as God, our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, and

each of you know that you have done this

each of you know that you have participated and

each of you know, have known of my existence in who I came from before I announced it to anybody

Each of you know that you made such an egregious mistake that you thought it would be fun and it was also premeditated to introduce me and my father who didn't know I was alive and I didn't know he existed because none of the adults in my life told me anything

because none of you were allowed in my grandfather's house and none of you know the true history of everything that is me and

every single one of you made a mistake and instead of correcting yourself, every single one of you acted as if you were God, our father, who art in heaven, and maneuvered my words suppressed my words, separated me from my mother and my daughter and my sister and my nieces and my nephews and

every single thing I have ever owned in my lifetime. And then you tried to turn around and twist it to your favor further disrespecting me further showing me that I have no reason to live and this is what your entire goal was to allow me to witness you in your truest sense,

you people who think you are God did not listen when I would tell you who I was because you thought by looking at my physicality that you meant more than me, and

that you could manipulate me as if I am a vulnerable person. To exploit and extort and make yourself more money that is what you think of me so now each one of you players with your personalities who thought I was talking to you because you do not understand nor do you know the truth of me and my grandparents or any kind of intelligence that came from that era

because you are not me and you have gone to bed with fucking liars who are human and child violators and they are doing every single thing they can to kill us and my mother's women, while you profit and get your fucking FaceTime on screen,

my family died and now four peoples name are on my mother's house after each one of you motherfuckers made me homeless and took every single motherfucking thing my grandparents left me and called it your own

your shame is not mine. I used to have dinner with the fucking people who made you while you were thinking you were fucking God and you can maneuver and manipulate my fucking life as if you are God, or Father himself.

That is what you have done.

You do not have any single problem with walking around with fucking dishonor on yourselves.

You think you are too good, to admit, to God our Father, you made a mistake, and you have had every day since December 26 of 2018, since the last time I spoke to my mother before she died, before I heard of her death, While I was in a house with trees growing in it, so that you could profit.

So that you could profit and cover up the crimes of the men and women who harmed and violated me and my child and my mother, your shame is not mine.

You are demons.

You are marked by God.

I have left my scroll at the throne of God, our father himself. I was down that long.

Who are you?

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Isn't it so true that when I feel uncomfortable about something, I've been conditioned, in our culture, in our society, to reach external to me to quash it, especially if I mention it and it makes others uncomfortable?

Isn't that true?

Isn't that what you've been taught?

Now that I recognize it, does it help or does it hinder?

Does it force me to deal with that which makes me feel uncomfortable?

Because now I'm aware of it, right? Am I still uncomfortable? Now that I'm aware that I'm uncomfortable? What is it that makes me uncomfortable?

What is it that acts as a provocation to reach external to me?

What is it that I'm seeking salvation from? Am I aware enough to take apart the word salvation?

Salvation, salve, to soothe. I need to soothe this cut that has cut me and caused me to bleed. —ation , action of Salvation.

I'm seeking that which is to soothe me. So what is it that I am seeking to soothe me? So why is it when I plant a seed in the ground, that me as a human, stands outside of it, waiting for it to grow, and when it doesn't grow fast enough, I'm seeking external to pour upon the seed to make it grow faster to satisfy me as a human?

When, if the human was not an equation, it would grow just fine. It is the human me that recognizes it's not growing when I want it to, when God is telling me, “Wait. Wait to emerge from the darkness into the light. You just wait, you will climb, you will be strong enough to climb to the light. You can't force it” because I don't know about you, but any time that anybody has forced upon me a belief of something without proof, then why am I believing you? 🎅🧑‍🎄🤶

I had to put my hand upon the hot coils of a stove to learn that it burned me. I'm just that stubborn.

I'm not going to believe you that you felt pain until I feel it myself and in that journey of seeking Salvation, the act of soothing me from that which is uncomfortable, I learned to evolve and grow. I'm still from the same seed that beats within my heart that spoke words of purpose to me before I was an apple 🍎before my father's 🧿 eye. But I am evolving from that which planted me originally. I learn from that, which makes me uncomfortable. That is how is how I learned lessons born of my very own mistakes.

But if I don't know if I don't recognize, if I'm not aware of my mistakes, where, as I've lived in an environment before, where it has conditioned me to believe that I deserve to tell you when you can grow, that I deserve to tell you how you're going to grow, and when you're going to grow, and how big you're going to grow, and I'm going to control it as if I am God and then God, our Father says, “Wait a minute now. It seems that you have forgotten where you have come from. and that I have to descend with my Angels full of Light, so that you can remember from that in which you have arrived,”but otherwise, I don't know what I don't know until I know with certainty, in the lesson that now I know, because I'm uncomfortable and I've never felt it before, and this must mean something.

So maybe I should just sit with it and deal with it, instead of trying to project it away from me, and learn of where I participated in the harm of m. Don't I love you enough to not make you feel the same pain and bleed from the same wounds that I did?

I can't deny from which I've came. I can't deny what has occurred to me. I can't deny the wounds that have cut me, but it doesn't mean when I recognize them that I turn around and I become the wounds for somebody else.

No.

God our Father says, “I gave birth to you because you were strong enough to withstand the storm of the harm done to you, and it is written upon your skin that becomes the scroll that I read as the deeds performed by you and to you upon your Recall to Heaven and that is a promise.”

Amen 🙏🏻

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I’m used to some Eyes, I love those Eyes; but the Eyes of Evil join the Eyes I’m used to and when I don’t naturally contain Light, and I’m unwilling to admit it, I have witnessed an unraveling like most would not Believe. I had to be taught by those Hands who used to take care of my GaMi that it was called “irritating demons.” That’s when I started recognizing my GaMi sent me to them before I took flight.

Regardless, if you understand these words, you understand the Distress. So, this is how I create from within when I can feel Evil and it will Enter my abode today. Literally. We like to send ICE lords to grocery stores these days.

I appreciate those who whisper about location stamps in my links and I am grateful for your assistance. The reality is, literally, they watch from the WH and no one can do anything because y’all decided they were more important than my life, my Mother’s life, my daughter’s life, my sister’s life, my nieces and nephews. They are gone. I have no bodies and they are gone and y’all do not care because you enjoy doing this to me. You enjoy it and I pity you that this is how broken you are.

This is why I pray so hard because it’s distressing to me that y’all are so broken and accepting of such Evil as commonality.

Evil will not let go easily, Father, so I will continue to sing my Psalms.

I use Google Translate to read in Yiddish. I didn’t ask to be Diaspora, God chose me to be a Flame in the thickest Darkness of Evil in real time of chaos.

I transcribe from Hebrew and English from Chabad.

I also transcribe and read from the Jubilee Bible on the Bible Gateway.

“There is this chick, right she said on the phone.” I can help you while she was helping herself and helping herself to my plants and everything I ever owned, any kind of private information whatsoever, ate my daughter up all the evidence that she ever existed in my life. My mother existed in my life, every single thing came and vacuumed it all up.

That's what she really meant by I can help you. She really meant, I can help myself to your shit while I take advantage of you while you're vulnerable and I can witness what's happening to you and here, I'm gonna get my other so-called friends that are just like me to come help me Help you get rid of all your shit and put you out on the street because this is what happens when you speak up about child crimes.”

#GrandEnergy

It’s like I’m my own hype party who just wants to put my foot on the gas to enjoy the scenery for a moment.

There are too many “important “ people attached to allow any single one of U.S. survivors to live.

I’m not perfect, I’m learning. What a gift it is to be left Words of Solace that are accessible when seeking during times of chaos. I’m moving to, “Judges” next because I received a message while I was reading this message to me.

Just think: People who didn’t even Know We the People as we exist today, left us words to gather light and love from in case today’s leadership was found to leave me to drown, so to speak.

Reading from:

Chabad: Tehillim 102

Bible Gateway from the Jubilee Bible.

Google Translate assists with my translation into Yiddish. It’s the only translator I’ve found. Also, I’ve discovered that we Diaspora aren’t accepted so readily anywhere, either, so those of you out there who have been turned away, come learn with me over here, if you discover yourself here. You are not “worshipping wrong.” I can assure you with confidence, on good authority, no one owns anything and jealousy and envy are reigning supreme in those force fed evil inclination as Pride.

The challenge is: Who am I listening to? Someone’s Ego or the Light of Creation?