Hey, you want to go to a store with me, right? Like, a real store! With things and products and all that! None of the browsing around and clicking on wire-fried product overviews from items that barely make sense in our fabric of reality. Yeah, let’s get in the car! Let’s go to the Circuit City! We’ll buy another car stereo and put it in our current car! We didn’t need either one and we’ll do it again next week! But first, we’ll drive home! Capitilism works! We’re a fun, average nuclear family! This will never radioactively decay and neither will we! We will live forever! Just like camcorders!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and his teacher is glad he is out of their class this year. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s rapidly creating new seasons of VDL in his mind brain in real time.

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It’s Shark Week so you know we’re going to have to give it up to the Sharks! They’ve integrated themselves into modern society and became half-human hockey players and lawyers for our entertainment and judicial needs and the world is all the better for it! We knew we couldn’t compete with Canadians on the the icy pond so we went to the ocean to find our terrifying reality. And it worked! You can see it happen in real time as everyone gets super excited! Go Sharks! Please don’t bite us! Your immune to our human laws because your shark lawyers are just too good!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s going to always choose the zamboni. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s not going to learn about siphoning this week either.

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You have to fill the time up somehow. The network isn’t going to entertain you all the time. They got bills to pay! Fortunately, Sears is never going to die and they spent 30 bucks on your Nickelodeon shows to tell 7-year olds all about air conditioners. They’re pretty… Cool! That’s what you’re supposed to say to your dad when the AC goes out at home and you repeat whatever you see on TV to him. You gotta really annoy him with the quotes and the 0% financing. That’ll surely convince him to call Sears and keep them alive for another month! This certainly won’t become a weird core memory that you write out as a description of a podcast episode later in your life. That’s just silly! You don’t want to listen to things! You need that for TV!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s currently holding the quadrupedal animal eating bird Youtube genre alive all on his own. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s read enough to Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” to say he’s an expert at War.

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Shit!! We’re out of ingredients! Like, most of them! Most of the restaurant ones, anyway! We need to go the grocery store and stock up but the customers are coming into the restaurant now! We have just a lot of wet ham and some leftover cheese and maybe we can sell them on– oh they’re already eating it. They’re calling it the Yumbo. They’re nostalgic for it twenty years later. They want more. They won’t stop eating it. How are we not running out of ham? Why is it so wet?! WHY WON’T IT ALL STOP–

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s giving you the stink-eye by the salad bar. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s been pod-located on this pod-cast.

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In this world of content, don’t be “content”! Be “Content”!!! That’s good, right? That’s worth like a 50 page powerpoint and payment at some mid-level tech convention right? I can pad it out a little bit more. Maybe talk about myself and my Content Aspirations and how we desire to take out every podcast until we’re the only one left like Jet Li in “The One”. Maybe stage a cool fight on a pyramid against all the other podcasts. But maybe we’ll get tired and put on our nice tweed hats and look smug in a forest clearing like Robert Forest always wanted us to feel when we saw The Road Not Taken. Maybe we’ll make a little deal with some mythological creatures and face the reprecussions when we wake up. That won’t be for a while, right? It’s worth it to keep all ten of those toes, after all. Anyway, want a sausage?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s making deals upon deals until the right worst bargain comes back. John Hurst is your co-host and he would like his jester hat now, please.

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When Haddaway asked us “What is Love?” we felt that. Mostly we felt the synth bass and the beat, but we also herard his words and we nodded along. Yeah, what *was* love? Is it a vampire? A statue you stare longingly at? Your vampire lover’s two friends that are also hanging out for way too long when you’ve clearly given strong hints that they should maybe dance elsewhere? They’re having a good time and Haddaway doesn’t want to ruin the vibe, sure, but he’s had this planned for millennia and it’s not going the way that he thought it would in his head. Maybe he’ll have to go to Plan B. Maybe it’s time to take off the blue suit and get into something more comfortable. Maybe show off the knees a bit. Do vampires even like knees? What would they call that? We spend far too much time figuring that out, but no more! We have an answer for you on that and more!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s not getting over the first slang he hears for a thing. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he wants the voting aide to choose the animation that plays.

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I Dream Of Jeannie was a show that meant, for us, that it was time to stop watching shows. It was late night syndication TV and that meant the cartoons were over. They try to tempt you in with colorful cartoon intros but then it goes to real life people? Lame? 2D is all need! Love plots from the 60s and anime from the 80s! It’s all goes into the same brain! My brain! Anyway, enough of that nonsense.. It’s time to watch my Urusei Yatsura stories.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s not telling his parents about Detention until it has a time capsule amount of time away from the incidents! Mr. Johnnnnnnn is your co-host and he also might be dispensing sagely advice as your janitor but not as your math teacher.

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Hey, it’s Hardcastle! AND McCormick?! In one package?! Sign me up! I usually have to go without one or the other because of Hardcastle and McCormick price gouging so having both in one package is a winner for me! Are they cops? Friends? Buddy cop friends? I don’t think so! One’s a judge according to Wikipedia! Steven can fill you in on the rest of the details. Be sure to thank Steven! He refuses to let his Google Digital Self make new episodes of Hardcastle and/or McCormick because he knows he would no longer be in control! He fights for the human race in his own way! Praise Steven!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s renaming all the major productivity suite software. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s a little more correct on the population of Missouri than John is.

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Imagine you’re a frozen pizza. You’re almost there already so this should be easy. It’s pretty great. You chill in a freezer, you preserve yourself and hey you may even be pretty tasty in a pinch! But what if you could rotate for everyone to see? You could be the star of the party! Or the bachelor pad! Or the bachelor in the bachelor pad! Get heated on with the Pizzazz Pizza Cooker! Ignore the stains from what seems to be non-pizza foodstuffs. And hair. And maybe toothpaste? You look at your bachelor’s teeth. You’re not sure if he can consume solid foods. You’re a solid food. You worry. His name is Jarron. He doesn’t own a lamp.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s in charge of the timeclocks that don’t do anything cool physically! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got a cake to frost later on.

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The magic of life should not be taken for granted, France! You know that just as much as the rest of us! You are born of this earth, live off its riches and die in its dirt just like the rest of us. So why are you giving the false hope of magic hugs that make you become the sun? I always wanted to be to a Sun! A vicious ball of heat and gas and plasma that shines on everyone whether they want it or not (They can live in the habitable zone, I guess.) But no! I can’t be a sun! I can only shine a bright light on someone’s day by my kind words and demeanor! That’s not enough! I want to burn for a million degrees until I burn out and expand and consume the galaxy! Damn you, french animation short! Damn you and your false hope!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s unaware of the badass thing he is doing while outside. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s the reason the hornets are so angry, not the basketball!

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